Out of the Mouths of Parents

[woofmarkthedog]

From our menu..

No we can't have a pony in the garden

So who is going to drive you to West Wickham every morning, certainly not me or mummy

No, you are not going to get a bus to West Wickham every morning

Do you know how to train a one year old pony

SHUT UP about the pony, oh he's called "black diamond" is he, that's nice ....NO, no, no NOOOOOO( at which point I finger draw NO on the wall)

Only ?650.00 IS THAT ALL, so where are you going to get ?650....what? Has she really, a ten year old has got ?650.00, stick with her son

Go away, go away, I can't hear you, tra laa laa laaa ( fingers in ears )

God, really I must grow up

When did you last wash your bum ?

W**F

[samstopit]

No you won't have a willy when you are older.

No you do not need one.

No your best friend Melanie does not have a willy. No she doesn't.

Boobies are better anyway.

[expat]

>No you won't have a willy when you are older.

she properly will...

[samstopit]

thanks for that expat. I probably won't let her know.

This morning all I've said is:

'I don't know'

'I still don't know'

'Ask daddy'

Hopefully this strategy will see me through until they are in school and somebody else can answer the questions.

[KalamityKel]

"yes you can hocus poke me in the morning"

It's just so wrong!

[The Nappy Lady]

Yesterday;

Please don't play in the dogs water bowl.

Please don't wash the floor with my dishcloth.

Please don't lick the tablecloth (she worked her way all along one edge...).

No they are mine (in response to her pointing at my bust and saying "my boobies".

In need to reclaim my life and my body!

[Moos]

Today:

'No, the computer cable is not for putting in your mouth. Or your nose.'

Gawd.

[melbourne groover]

My latest favourite conversation:

R: Mummy?

Me: Yes Darling?

R: Are boy ladybirds called Ladyboys?

Builders on site we were walking past start sniggering...

Me: Weeelll, no.... then cue 10 min conversation on why boy ladybirds might not be called Ladyboys...

[Moos]

*Alert: this is revolting*

Moosling: Mummy, please make Blubeezer dry

(hands me a dry-looking monster toy)

I examine it more closely and find a green smear on one of its horns

Me: Moosling, did you wipe your nose on Blubeezer?

Moosling (indignantly): Yes!

[snowboarder]

In despair, hourly this week:

'Poppet...please stop destroying the house....'

[woofmarkthedog]

"Will you please tidy your..."

* previously dressed boy is now partly in the buff *

"Erm, why have you got no pants on"

W**F

[hpsaucey]

LOL - in our house it goes: 'five, four, three, two, one' ...

[hpsaucey]

Doh - I'm crap at thie replying lark. Was replying to citizenED's "one, two, three, four, FIVE..."

hpsaucey Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> LOL - in our house it goes: 'five, four, three,

> two, one' ...

Also recently, 5-year old bless him: 'Mummy - sea girls are like sea boys but they steal your snadwiches.'

Lightsabers are apparently 'light savers'.

'Farmer Christmas'

2-year old:

'damn it'

'my boobies'

'not mummy boobies, my boobies'

'damn it'

'damn it'

'damn it'

'damn it'

'damn it'

Damn it - wonder where he gets THAT from!

[Belle]

In the last hour or so:

"please don't bite mummy's toes" (actually very hard to stop him doing this in a way that's painless for both of us)

(too late):"Oh no, that's not a carrot, it's an orange crayon..." (has taken to eating crayons on occasion mainly for a reaction I think.)