The East Dulwich Stag Do

[Alan Dale]

A friend is planning to have his stag do in East Dulwich.

I think they should go to watch Dulwich Hamlet, have dinner in Cafe El Paso then do a bit of a bar crawl before heading off for a spot of gentlemen's entertainment.

Where is the nearest lap dancing club to Lordship Lane?

Anyone got a better idea for the quintessential ED stag do?

[mockney piers]

I've been to 2 East dulwich stag dos, neither of which ended up in ladyage, but both were entertaining.

I can vouch from both occasions that Rod from Franklin's really isn't keen on large groups of noisy men hanging around too long!

I think snorky is your best bet for that info. Where on earth is snorky?

[*Bob*]

The best stag do I ever went on was a weekend at a fantastically luxurious but isolated 'country manor house' outside of Norfolk. Just the 25 of us. It reminded me of how good it can be just to (simply) spend lots of time with friends, having a laff and mucking about.

The worst stag do's were all the others, where the mixture of a large group of lads out 'on the town' inevitably lead to:

- Not being able to get into anywhere but the most awful places

- Pointless lairy showing-off

- Offensive drunken behaviour (towards waiters, women, doormen, taxi drivers etc)

- A fight. Sooner or later

[Alan Dale]

No way *Bob* I have been on two of those out of town Stag dos. At the second I fell asleep watching Match of The Day.

Might as well take the wives and kids.

I am more inclined to the second type that you outlined.

[*Bob*]

Alan Dale Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> No way *Bob* I have been on two of those out of

> town Stag dos. At the second I fell asleep

> watching Match of The Day.

Hmmm.. we didn't sleep for three days. You went with the wrong crowd, Alan.

[Administrator]

This is bordering on being Lounged. Can I remind you that one of the original questions that needs answering is "Where is the nearest lap dancing club to Lordship Lane?"

[Alan Dale]

The lads I was with were all coked up to the eyeballs and did loads of pills listening to roots and reggae on technics. I'm sure you'd have loved it.

I prefer to get beered and leary and bump into hen dos. Newcastle is a firm favourite but I have also been to Prague, Edinburgh, Berlin, Vegas, etc, etc.

Strokes and folks but it was definitely me and not the lads that were the problem in Wales. I'd rather watch MOTD than do pills with middle aged men in the middle of nowhere. I enjoyed the BBQ though.

Lounge away!!

[mockney piers]

A quick and not very exhaustive search, the sort that juuust might get me into trouble at work, reveals (baddam tish) that it's a choice between the shoreditch ones, one in vauxhall or one in croydon.

http://www.viewlondon.co.uk/pubsandbars/lapdancing-clubs-in-london-recommended-london-171.html

[Annasfield]

Tell them to get on a bus with an irate bus driver that goes from the station to the top of Lordship Lane. Plenty of ladies unintentionally lap and pole dancing ;-)

[Alan Dale]

There's definitely at least one on the Old Kent Road...

What about other local Stag activities? Paintball? Gokarting? Midget hire?

[*Bob*]

I don't think anywhere on 'The Lane' will cut it.. What about that local bordello Snorky mentioned?

Ideally (as with most stag weekends) it seems what you're after is somewhere where there are enough distractions to cover-up for deficiencies in friendships within the group. Tits on show and the like.

[Keef]

I went to one in Lithania in 2003 (just as they were entering the EU), and it was fab because the group weren't too rowdy, we all just got nicely pissed and had a good laugh, and only met one other group from the UK. The locals were the nicest lot you could wish to meet.

The stag from that do went back last year on another stag do, and said it was awful! It is now full of English lads being complete twats. The locals now hate us (to the point where my friend was putting on Australian accents to avoid being short changed in bars), and it is not a nice experience anymore.

I just hate it, I love going out and getting pissed, and having a laugh, but why do so many lads feel the need to act like complete c**ts??? I went to Amsterdam recently to visit my cousin who was living there, and it was so nice to go to places away from all the English people, as the time before that when I went I hated it and spent the weekend feeling embarrassed!

ED Stag do's... Well, I have been on the same 2 as Piers, and they were both fun. You're not going to get lap dancing, but there are enough pubs / bars for a good old crawl, and if you can string a sentance together, you might just be able to chat someone up, without having to pay to see her knickers whilst some massive bouncer waits to kill you if you get handy!

[Alan Dale]

Exactly *Bob*.

Deficiencies such as the Stag's mates have never met the bride's brother before but their all men's men so they'll soon bond with a few all male bonding activities in a way that marching powder in a meadow just wouldn't facilitate.

[Brendan]

Well from this thread it is clear that what LL really needs is a strip joint.

[Alan Dale]

Keef- I take your point about Stag dos making appallingly bad ambassadors and being a national embarrasment but I think this applies to the vast majoriy of BOTP* holidays.

As for chatting up girls as a money saving tip then I think you should send that into Viz Top Tips.

Dear Viz,

Stag dos - save a fortune on expensive lap dancers by going to public houses and approaching girls with the offer of conversation, friendship and possibly more. Whilst you are unlikely to get a wet nose within ten minutes of making their aquaintance you will save ten pounds which you can put towards the Stag's wedding gift.

Keef, Sydenham

*Brits on the piss

[mockney piers]

Funnily enough when Mrs Mockers and I were in Tallinn last year, we arrived on a monday and the locals were among the friendliest I've ever happened upon. By thursday evening we were being asked in an accusatory fashion, with narrowed eyes, if we were on a stag do.

Once I'd managed to persuade them that we were merely a lone couple, one of whom is, quite clearly a woman, they relaxed a bit, but signs of groups were beginning to appear.

Friday morning we fled to Russia (wow, you didn't hear that phrase outside a small circle of homosexual communist cambridge academics until recently).

Truly the stag weekend has even surpassed your Faliraki types as our most shameful export, as at least Mediterranean resorts are geared up for that sort of behaviour. I'm sure the last time the walls of Tallinn were so covered in human wastage was when it was besieged by Ivan the Terrible!!

[Jah Lush]

I hate stag dos. I can't think of anything I'd rather not do. Why is it that so many British men when they all get together to go out on the piss turn into a bunch neanderthal arseholes whose boorish drunken antics give us a bad name the world over. I speak as a man who likes nothing better than going out for a drinkypoo with my mates and when I've been abroad and seen this sort of loutish behaviour it makes me feel ashamed of being British. I'm all for a jolly up but behave yourselves and remember your manners and have respect for other people.

[Alan Dale]

I think they are pretty much geared up for stag dos...

The behaviour we export is no worse than that observed every Saturday night in town centres up and down this fair Isle.

Anyone good at web design? I'm thinking http://www.dulwichpissup.com/

[*Bob*]

Perhaps we should be forewarned as to when this impending stag posse is going to hit 'the lane'?

Though I suppose they'll be easy enough to spot. Look out for kebab-splashed shirts, sick on the shoes and a propensity towards casual violence.

[Keef]

I disagree Alan, I think when the boys get out of the UK, they think they are in a lawless society.

One story my friend told me from his last Lithuania trip (the sh!t one) was of a cocky little shit throwing a glass towards some blokes car. The driver got out, walked up to the bloke, and had a knife to his throat. The cocky little git shat himself, and barely said a word the rest of the weekend. My mate assured me it was one of the funniest things he's ever seen!

I don't agree with knives, but that guy never would have thrown a glass at a car in London, as he would have known he'd get the sh!t kicked out of him. Why should he feel it's okay when he's in another country?

[Alan Dale]

The plan is to make the Stag wear a Cath Kidston floral dress and croc shoes. He will be pushing a Phil and Ted buggy containing two blow up sex dolls.

We may be hard to spot during the day but once all the shoppers have gone we'll be the last three wheeler on the Lane.

Be sure to say Hi. I promise you won't get smacked...

[Keef]

By the way, I'm off on my stag do this weekend :)-D

[Alan Dale]

'that guy never would have thrown a glass at a car in London' - maybe not but me and a few mates had to flee for our lives in Brighton under a hail of flying pint glasses.

I think the kind of guy who throws a glass on holiday also does it at home.

[mockney piers]

I have to say the last couple of stag dos I've been on (both of which I organised as it goes) were pretty chilled affairs, one was a boat on the thames followed by a great meal in Putney with a looooong lock-in, the next was another decent meal (followed by ladies taking their clothes off admittedly).

Keef's looks like it could be more of the same. Call me old-fashioned, but if you're p!ssed enough to be throwing glasses at cars and puking on your shoes then you're not actually having a good time.

As for the paintballing, go-karting thing, s'alright suppose, but it has been done to death. Though shotguns is always fun B)

[Alan Dale]

So there are basically no ideas for how one should host a stag do in East Dulwich?

Sounds like I'll have to stick with the ED Hamlet plan...

Or go to Tallin.