How to get TODDLER to understand THROWING is not good?

[bee74]

My son is 21 months and he enjoys throwing things. It bothered me only to a certain extent until this week end when one day he threw a car to a friend's daughter's eye and she cried for 20 minutes. The eye was red and looked sore but there was no damage and she was mostly scared. Then the next day he threw a wooden brick at me and actually cut me underneath the eye so that i bled a bit and thank god i didn't need stiches. Now I find myself shouting NO NO THROWING when before I've been quite calm and willing to explain and show consequences etc. But I m really concerned he will seriously hurt someone.

So my problem is: how do I get him to understand that throwing is not acceptable especially aimed at people but also how can he understand that some throwing is good (ball) or not so dangerous (food off a table) but some throwing is really bad (a wooden brick to someone's eye)?!

Please help.

Thank you

[Moos]

Perhaps for someone so little you need to keep the rule very simple. We used to say 'no throwing in the house' and then the only things allowed to be thrown outsid were balls.

I wouldn't try to distinguish between 'throwing that's naughty but not dangerous' (food) and 'throwing that's naughty and dangerous'(at people) - maybe a bit too complicated.

Best of luck

[bee74]

Moos thank you. You are right, the rule has to be simple. But how do you convey?

Do you tell him gently? Tell him off? Remove him from the scene? I used to be very gentle and give explanations, but now I m worried it's not working, yet I don't like shouting or doing the naughty step...

[madmum]

I too have the same problem, my little man is 22 months I Have tried to tell him no throwing toys, only balls even started sicker chart but he is not having any of it, bascily you tell him no and he thinks this is mega funny and does it even more. I also have a problem with him running off jsut runs without a care in the world and if you tell him stop,,you guessed it he runs faster. I have tried the naughty step (he went through a biting phase thankfully short lived but never the less quite traumatising) and its hard to keep a wiggly 22 month sat down and for them too understand why they are there, he thought this was funny too. Gosh this post makes him sound like a little nightmare and he's not really he is actually very loving and loves sharing but just has a problem with the word NO.

These kids aye smarter than we give them credit for!

[randomv]

My 2 year old has just started throwing stuff around, clearly for effect as he looks at me for a reaction straight away. I've started to ignore him the first time, tell him no throwing and if he throws again I'll put the toys away on the second throw, and putting all the toys away on a third throw. Too early to know if it's working yet as I only started this system 2 days ago...

[little h]

hello my 21 month old is doing this too and has been for a while. I take whatever he's thrown away for him and he's not allowed it back until later. This seems to be working though he's just started checking food around, which he never used to do and it's driving us both potty. I suspect this is a new habit from nursery but you never know. I feel like I need some discipline tips! Most of the time he's a sweetie though. Oh we're also having a 'mine!' phase....

H

[Polly D]

Agh, mine too (20 months). He definitely throws things when he's frustrated and wants to show he's angry: e.g. if he's playing with something at a playgroup and someone else tries to, ahem, 'join in', then he (my son) will lob whatever he's playing with off into middle distance so no-one wins. Or at breakfast he could be eating his weetabix and then he'll spy a banana which he wants and so it all goes wrong, chucking everything off the table in a rage.

I end up shouting 'don't throw' and feeling really cross with him. He knows, I'm sure, what he should and shouldn't throw, i.e. a ball: yes, his cup: no. I feel like it's a really unattractive character trait of an otherwise usually fairly affable boy (well, this is how his grandparents describe him).

[fmay]

Glad I'm not the only one....my toddler is close to giving me a breakdown with his tantrums and throwing etc this last few weeks! Really hoping he'll grow out of it.

[alice]

trouble is when you say 'don't throw' they hear 'throw, throw' - just like if i tell you 'don't think of a blue kangaroo'

[chantelle]

My advice that has seemed at least somewhat successful with my 2.2 year old is to go right over to him, firmly hold his arms down at his sides while looking him in the eyes and saying - no throwing.

It depends on what it is though. I ignore a first round of food throwing, when he is obviously just trying to get a rise out of me, but if he does it again I take him down from the table and end the meal. (can always go back later when he is ready to be a good boy).

Shoes being thrown from the back of the car warrant a strong response.

[Fuschia]

randomv Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> My 2 year old has just started throwing stuff

> around, clearly for effect as he looks at me for a

> reaction straight away. I've started to ignore him

> the first time, tell him no throwing and if he

> throws again I'll put the toys away on the second

> throw,

That's what I do... good idea with much behaviour, one warning then remove from scene etc.

Difficulty with things that are mean or dangerous (biting, hurting) you need a different regime. One strike and you're out. I would probably say... No hurting, that's not kind! And put them on the nuaghty/thinking chair or step for a minute then make them say sorry and ensure they understand they just hurt the other person.

With twins you have constant availability of a victim and so endless bites/hits/tears etc!!

[BB100]

There is an early years theory called 'schemas' which would suggest your child has a 'trajectory schema' because he likes to throw and is interested in cause and effect and is learning and experimenting with movement and his own power. Some early years settings use schemas to develop learning and change behaviours by introducing similar but safer activites.

In plain English, schema would recommend you could channel your child's interest positively by giving him other activities that you do approve of where he can practise throwing. This could be throwing pooh sticks in a river, throwing balls/beanbags into a bucket or in the garden, bowling skittles, etc,. If you give him enough positive throwing experiences he can begin to learn when it is not appropriate by your tone of voice and behaviour and will not need to look for, often inappropriate, things to throw.

The posts above are all full of helpful suggestions and suggest that some of your toddlers have found that throwing gets them attention. Your child's lack of verbal communication is fustrating for him and throwing has become a way of communicating that he has found you respond to. Children communicate in many ways not just speech - Loris Maggazzi said children have a 100 languages but we try to restrict them to just one - speech. Learning some makaton or using simple body language signs or photographs of things your child likes/wants/needs can help support communication whilst he is still learning speech.

Doing lots of close observation to see what triggers the negative throwing and then trying to intercept it before it happens is hard work but worth it. Try to embrace the throwing as a learning tool and hide all the heavy objects for a while.