Who hangs out with their parents?

[Saila]

I have been working 4 days a week which means i see my son more than 50% of his 'awake time'

I'm really happy with this arrangement as is my son - he hyperventilates with excitement when we get to our nannyshare - and i feel pretty similar about my job

however, i'm going to be working 5 days once he reaches the 1 yr old milestone and i'm now rationally assessing my feelings about this

i like the 4 day week thing but have definitely had flashes of mum-guilt about not being with him ALL the time. Equally i get mum-guilt at work about not being at work ALL the time

I see my parents 2x a day because i drive to their house, park and hop on a bus. This involves drinking tea in the morning and a often a glass of wine at night. I know everything they're up to and vice versa.

I kinda assume that this is normal and that i have a fun filled life ahead of me, with my son and future children.

However, is my relationship with my parents a one off? Should i be 'making the most of my son' whilst they're around / before they fly the nest etc?

who hangs out with their parents?

[Keef]

I see mine when I drop my dauhter off on a Monday morning, and usually get a bacon sandwich to take away. My sister and I used to often go round to our parents for Sunday roast, although that doesn't happen so much now.

Me and my dad both drink in the CPT, which I like.

[Saila]

:) lovely

is the trick to stay in london do you think?

if we were in the country, they'd rush to london and the visits would be harder to arrange

keef - do your parents live in ED? were you brought up here?

[Keef]

Yep, my sister and I were both born in Dulwich Hospital, and my parents still live in my childhood home in ED. My sister has always lived in ED, and I've only moved up to Sydenham (I did have a few years away, but came back).

[ljs]

We are actually moving from London back to Sth Derbyshire so that we can be closer to our families. Mostly the choice is mine as I want my children to have memories of their time with grand parents and great grandparents.

We all go on holiday once a year together, my parents and my husbands parents and my nana... I love spending time with my family and I can't wait to have them to babysit !!!!

My parents and my husbands parents visit London on a regular basis which is great for the kids, but I think when we move back "home" our kids will have a much closer relationship with their cousins and grand parents which will be lovely

[snowboarder]

We see my parents pretty regularly - they often come over once a week for lunch and to see little snowboarder - they are also our childcare if/when we need, although they still both work part time. My dad also does most of our diy!! They only live half hour drive away - so handy, and I like that we never have to go and stay for entire weekends - it's all pretty relaxed and lunch/dinner/day visits. Most of my mums family are also close by. We rarely see my husbands family in Devon though - will be interesting to see how our children's relationships with both sets of grandparents differ.

[Norfolkvillas]

Since the arrival of our first baby, my parents are now planning to move closer to London to see more of us. I would love to have them round the corner. One of the loveliest aspects of becoming a parent has been seeing how much love and positivity its created within my family.

[Ruth_Baldock]

I don't see my Mum all that often- she lives in Rickmansworth, and whilst it's not a million miles away, I don't drive and it's a hell of a way to go on the underground with Baby Baldock in his pram. She still works full time, and my siblings are at least 10 and 12 years younger than me, so are still at school so she looks after them as well.

My MIL lives off Forest Hill Road, and she looks after Baby Baldock twice a week whilst I'm at work. DH has never lived more than a 10 minute drive from his Mum, and has never left the borough. We see his parents about 4 x a week. My son has a good relationship with my MIL but he laughs maniacally and crawls over to my Mum when he does see her.

To be honest, I'd rather live in between both our parents, and it's a big issue between me and DH- I don't see why we need to stay in SE London because of his parents, yet he will not even CONSIDER moving more North (like, Gospel Oak even!) to be closer to MY parents.

I'd better stop there, I can feel a full on rant coming...

[GinaG3]

Total SNAP! Ruth. We're in exactly the same boat.. My parents are on the south coast and my partners parents are literally 10 minute walk away. We see them 4 or so times a week, and my parents twice a year. He was born in Dulwich Hospital and here he remains. We have often spoke about moving away from London before our daughter enters secondary school (9 years to go...). I just cannot see it ever being different, he has never lived outside London and I really don't think it will work for him, but he begs to differ. I grew up around Reading and Oxford all my life until my parents moved to Dorset 6 years ago. Would most likely move back to Oxford (its not too far from city life really, being a city en all) and it is literally 40 minutes from Paddington. Suppose we will see what happens..

[Pickle]

Oh how I wish I could hang out with my parents on a regular basis. They are in New Zealand, hubby's folks are in Scotland (although they have only been to visit us a few times since we had children - we don't have a good relationship). On the plus side I only have 4 weeks until I get to go home for Xmas and will spend 5 weeks with my parents.

I thought nothing of moving to the other side of the world when I was a 20-something singleton with nothing but money, men and nights out to think about. 10 years on and things have changed, it would be fantastic to have my parents close by.

[Keef]

I only have memories of one grandparent (one dead before I was born, two died when I was very small), and my nan lives down in Devon (still going strong at 92). Have some great memories of summer holidays in Devon when I was little, but I am so glad my little one sees all four of her grandparents most weeks.

[sillywoman]

My Dad lives in the US so we get to see him for a couple of weeks every couple of years or so. My Mum is in the Midlands & pretty much uninterested in us = we see her once a year or so. Sensibleman(who was born & bred here)'s Dad is dead now & Mum is in an old people's home in Reading with altzeimers. I'm so sad that my children have pretty much grown up without Grandparents, and that me & sensibleman have had to do the whole parenting lark alone. I'm very envious of those of you with interested & local parents and PIL, but at the same time, having found it so hard on our own, I'm glad that you have people around you to help you love your children & be the best parents you can be. Hold your parents & PIL's close & be thankful for them you lucky people.

[nymom]

My parents live in NY and I wish we lived near them. They are also very young having met in high school and had me in their early 20's. My husband's family are in Wales and are much older as well so are unable to even come for a visit. I am so envious of those with family around. I am so close to my father's parents and want the same for my children. I am lucky enough to be able to go to NY 3 times a year, but wish we could just pop around for visits weekly (daily!) and have someone to help with the kids regularly. Those of you with your parents around - I say spend as much time with them as you can. I would.

[Belle]

we see my mother in law fairly often as she's in NW London - so if not once a week then once a fortnight or so, though obviously holidays etc can mean it might be longer. She helps with childcare when I do some freelance from time to time. My own mum is in Scotland, and only retired this year so for the first year of my son's life contact was more sporadic, though we do use skype now, and now she's retired it's easier. Still, distance does mean it's by necessity quite irregular, which I do feel sad about. It can also mean that at times like this (currently I'm visiting her with my son), it takes him a good couple of days to adjust and relax with my mum, e.g. he can be clingy when I leave the room. That really upsets me as he's not like this with his other grandma or various friends etc we see regularly. This subject is also a sad one for us as my dad died when I was 17, and my father in law died this year, so now our son had neither grandad. Of course I recognise how lucky we are to have two adoring grandmothers on the scene though! It's more for us I guess - we both miss our dads. My mum wouldn't move down, nor would I expect her too as she's now got a very busy life up here and a new partner, but I don't see us moving either. Modern life I guess!

[Lochie]

we LIVE with my parents!!! We feel like a mini gypsy family - me hubby and one year old, but we came to 'stay' with my parents a year ago and haven't left! My folks still have the house I grew up in in Herne Hill, and we came to visit after the birth of my son for some extra support when I really needed it. We had 5 years previously been living in Brighton without any close family nearby and to be honest at that time in our life, I in particular liked the having family at arms length but still close enough to see regularly.

Having had our son though, my relationship has changed with my parents. They are a massive support (my mum takes care of him 2 days a week so I can work) and it fills me with so much joy to see my 73 year old dad in particular play with my son - they are like best friends. It is not ideal (would love our own space plus sometimes my mum really annoys me with her parenting tips!), but whilst we save up for our own flat nearby, it serves its purpose well (plus we pay them rent which as pensioners probably helps them out too).

Sometimes when my own 87 year old Nana comes down to stay from Liverpool there are 4 generations of the one family under the one roof and I find that very touching. The most common response I get from friends the same age as us though is 'God I could NEVER live with my parents again'! I think I would have thought that before we moved in, but having a child changes everything I guess, and I don't have the same awkward dynamic I did with them as a teen (thank god!).

It is by no means your bog standard typical family set up but we (yes hubby too who amazingly loves living with his in laws) know it won't be this way forever and so make the most of it. I know a few people, not just me, who have grown up in south London and live with their parents (ok they don't have their own kids too!). I think it will become more common as London property prices remain so ridiculously high....

Interestingly found this article about author Kate Mosse living with her mother and in-laws AND grown up daughter recently:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-1233001/Kate-Mosse-benefits-living-extended-family.html

[crystal7]

Great thread!

My parents live in Leicestershire (2-3 hours drive away) which always suited me pre baby. However I would love them to be closer so they could play a bigger role in E's (20 months) life. They are in their mid fifties and work full time which makes visits a bit sporadic. Since E has started to recognise them and say their names etc. I have been trying to make sure we see them every 4-6 weeks. We only have 2 bedrooms at the moment so we usually stay with them, tiring to drive there after a week of work (well 3 days for me). I can't see us ever moving up there nor them down here so I suppose we'll have to get used to it!

My OH's parents live in Bath so about the same distance away as mine but we see them less (which doesn't bother me at all, but I wont go into that...)

[GSJ57]

Pickle - I sympathise! 20 odd years ago when I met my American husband, I didn't think twice about moving to the US - leaving my whole family behind in East Dulwich and extended family in Kent and Surrey. Was fairly lucky for the first 10 years or so that my parents came to visit every year and they stayed for a month, but after my dad died, my mum wouldn't fly by herself. She came with my sister about once a year for a 10 day visit, and just this year decided she couldn't make the trip any more because it takes it out of her too much ..... totally understand this - she is 84 and it's a lousy trip - 8 hour flight, then change planes for another 1 hour flight. We have only be able to afford to come home about every 3 years. But as I said, I never gave this a thought when I decided to live on the other side of the world! It breaks my heart to think my boys (16 and 21) might never see her again.