Jump to content

Recommended Posts

.. we have a 10 month old baby and i have a work trip abroad for a 4x days


just found out that DH may also be away with work with a two day overlap


i'm just not comfortable having neither parent in the same country as our son


i.e. no next of kin here


DH doesn't think this is an issue and his grandparents can look after him...


I am now looking into the cost to the company if i cancel my trip (of course it's me cancelling my trip but that raises other questions)



am i being unreasonable?

anyone had this problem before?

Link to comment
https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/14191-am-i-being-unreasonable/
Share on other sites

I think it is totally a personal thing....we went to a wedding in France when my little one was 9 months old - and left her with my parents for 3 days. To be honest - it didn't cross my mind that neither of us as 'next of kin' were in the same country as her. I was quite pleased to have a weekend away with my husband and friends (bad mummy!)

It's not only how well the grandparents know your child, but also how well they know you. In an emergency, if neither parent could be reached, are you confident that the grandparents would make the same choices you'd make yourselves?


Sleep is another big issue. Does your LO nap well for the grandparents? Is he sleeping all night? If he starts to wake nights while you're away, are the grandparents able to cope with sleepless nights? Can they settle him easily in the night?


Even if all of the above is fine, and you're still not comfortable being away, it's understandable. Go with your instinct. You're not being unreasonable at all. Mothers and babies are meant to be near each other. If you feel your being away makes you (or baby) less than happy, work on another solution.

thanks for all your comments and i feel much calmer now (he's agreed to be back before i leave)

as i just said in a pm to someone - if it was in the uk somewhere or france/germ, i'm not sure i'd be so bothered

but i'm in the US (east) and he's in india... this is easily 10+hrs away min


he sleeps perfectly, naps and through the night so that's not an issue

one issue is it is the w/e so he'll be a bit spun out by the grandparents (who don't look after him regularly)

had it been mid-week then i'd be fine with it as it'd just involve bath and bed for 2x nights -easy


but my main issue is that we are both probably a *day* away from home...


no next of kin to go to hospital for a considerable amount (day?) of time shld anything bad happen and that makes me feel sick

i'm not canceling - if anyone should cancel i think it should be him? He's assured me he'll be back before i leave...


edit to add a bit more colour as we're moving into another topic which i guess is feminism...

My trip's been arranged for months, his for weeks.

If i cancel my trip does this set a precedent that somehow my job is less 'important' than his?

We do *everything* 50:50 in terms of childcare (at least i strive for that)

It's my request that DS isn't left in the country alone but he thinks it's not a problem...

I always remember my secretary won a week in barbados for her and hubandl when the baby was 2.5 months old- she went and left her with her mum ( who she has only seen twice) for a week. she had a great time luxery 4 star hotel and said it gave her mum a chance to bond.all was fine. it is what you feel happy with.

I can see both sides....didn't leave either of mine overnight until over 1, but then was still breastfeeding so not much choice anyway.


Once over 1, with DD1 we went to France for a wedding and left her overnight with Granny, and then for a weekend when she was 2.5. At 4 she stayed with them for a week, then flew out to join us in Spain with them - the week without her was wonderful, but I missed her massively by the end of the week.


DD2 has been to stay with her Godmother overnight a few times since turning 1, with her sister there too which I think helps. We have a big trip looming though - taking our 6 year old on Safari next February to Africa and leaving DD2 with her Godmother, with visits from Granny too for an entire week - and yes, we will be an 11 hour flight away. I've never done anything like this, or been so far away from one of my children so it will be hard, but I 100% trust those I am leaving her with (they are her legal guardians in any case and visit her every single week), and it is tempered by the excitement of sharing something amazing with my 'big girl' and her Dad.


Saila - I think your situation is really tricky, and I too would be annoyed about being 'expected' to cancel my trip if it had been booked for much longer. It sounds like it is all working out OK bit by bit...hope it continues that way.

Thanks Nappy Lady. To clarify i dont' think he expected me to cancel the trip. I think his assumption was 'if you think it's a problem leaving DS without a parent in the country, then you cancel your trip'...


... but i think..... It's *our* problem. Once that has been established we should separately assess whose trip takes priority and as mine was arranged ages ago, really mine should.


Anyway ... he's already said he'd be back before i set off so *hopefully* they'll be no weird volcanoes or terrorist threat to throw another spanner in the works....

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all, and if it was me, I would cancel my trip without a second thought. I can't think of anything that would have persuaded me to leave my daughter overnight when she was a baby, let alone if my husband was away as well.

Unfortunately if your job requires you to go on work trips, you really must go. Otherwise i'd have to give up my job and i am the breadwinner. So as much as i don't like business travel, you have to compromise to keep a roof over your head...


Moreover DS is not in anyway *more* dependent on me or him. We share childcare so it makes no difference who's there for DS as long as one of us is...

if that makes sense

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Latest Discussions

    • No doubt the schools in Harrogate are being discussed on the East Harrogate Forum or whatever. Dulwich College is being discussed because it's local. Saying "ooh, there were loads of schools mentioned" is a bit dismissive. It was Dulwich College that referred sex abuse allegations about pupils to the police and Dulwich College that used the spectre of the police to suppress dissent. 🤔
    • Hi, I was just wondering what experiences any of you have had in relation to an Independent Panel review relating to the Permanent Exclusion of a SEN child. 1. General experience Any experiences, positive or negative, in general? 2. Clerks Associates UK Any experience of this entity acting as an "independent clerk" to an Independent Review Panel in a matter involving a Permanent Exclusion of a SEN pupil, also involving discrimination under the Equality Act 2010. There is limited publicly available information with regards to this "independent clerk"; however, I can see from their Annual Report & Accounts at Companies House that they are a small, privately owned organisation.   I am very concerned that there is a clear and material risk that they are highly dependent for their revenues and cash flow from the business that they receive from the school and its parent Trust (which has 9 schools in total under its management) who have appointed them. I also note that the Trust has a material employee relations dispute with their staff over underpayment of maternity pay whilst materially increasing the salaries of the highest paid Trust executives and other highly paid staff (presumably the Head Teachers). https://southwarknews.co.uk/news/community/teachers-at-six-charter-schools-walk-out-in-first-of-four-strike-days-planned-for-this-month/ Given the current situation, we have no choice but to engage in this process of an Independent Panel Review; however, we are concerned as to various elements including this one which is a key role in providing independence. 3. Independent SEN expert We have the right to an independent SEN expert to review the matter and provide their opinion to the Independent Review Panel. The concept is that this person is supposedly acting "independently" and also solely in respect of the SEN elements of the matter. We do not however know who this person is, their experience or level of independence. The last information that I can find in the public domain about the effectiveness of an Independent SEN expert is a UK govt report from 2014 which portrays a very mixed experience for parents. Hence, we are seeking to understand if anyone has any more recent experience of an Independent SEN expert in relation to an Independent Panel Review. Many thanks for any thoughts that you have based on your experience. For reasons of confidentiality, it is perhaps better to send any replies to me directly. Many thanks
    • Hang in there, friends. Most of us appreciate that you're trying you best and these companies are a nightmare!
    • I agree about the site and buying another one, but I was responding to a query about the old site. Which was no longer fit for purpose. Selling that and not buying another locally was just money for old rope for the foreign owners, as was moving the DO to an unsuitable building too far away. 
Home
Events
Sign In

Sign In



Or sign in with one of these services

Search
×
    Search In
×
×
  • Create New...