am i being unreasonable....

[Saila]

.. we have a 10 month old baby and i have a work trip abroad for a 4x days

just found out that DH may also be away with work with a two day overlap

i'm just not comfortable having neither parent in the same country as our son

i.e. no next of kin here

DH doesn't think this is an issue and his grandparents can look after him...

I am now looking into the cost to the company if i cancel my trip (of course it's me cancelling my trip but that raises other questions)

am i being unreasonable?

anyone had this problem before?

[GinaG3]

I don't think I could do that either and my daughter is nearly 2! No advice from me though as I'm a stay at home mum just think you need to do what you feel is appropriate as the mother. Hope it all works out how you want it to..

[Kes]

I'm sure it would be fine but I'd feel exactly the same. Am trying to brace myself for DH and I doing a 2 day trip to Edinburgh in December and feeling worried enough about that (DD will be 16 months and staying with Granny).

[Indiana]

I think it is totally a personal thing....we went to a wedding in France when my little one was 9 months old - and left her with my parents for 3 days. To be honest - it didn't cross my mind that neither of us as 'next of kin' were in the same country as her. I was quite pleased to have a weekend away with my husband and friends (bad mummy!)

[Kes]

I guess it depends on how familiar the child is with the grandparents too, one of the reasons I'm reluctant is that non of our parents are nearby so don't see DD all that often so she doesn't really know them and she's the first grandchild all round.

[crystal7]

Definitely not unreasonable. I still haven't left E overnight and she's 2 in Feb but then she doesn't know her grandparents very well yet...As PP have said you can only do what you feel comfortable with.

[Saffron]

It's not only how well the grandparents know your child, but also how well they know you. In an emergency, if neither parent could be reached, are you confident that the grandparents would make the same choices you'd make yourselves?

Sleep is another big issue. Does your LO nap well for the grandparents? Is he sleeping all night? If he starts to wake nights while you're away, are the grandparents able to cope with sleepless nights? Can they settle him easily in the night?

Even if all of the above is fine, and you're still not comfortable being away, it's understandable. Go with your instinct. You're not being unreasonable at all. Mothers and babies are meant to be near each other. If you feel your being away makes you (or baby) less than happy, work on another solution.

[Saila]

thanks for all your comments and i feel much calmer now (he's agreed to be back before i leave)

as i just said in a pm to someone - if it was in the uk somewhere or france/germ, i'm not sure i'd be so bothered

but i'm in the US (east) and he's in india... this is easily 10+hrs away min

he sleeps perfectly, naps and through the night so that's not an issue

one issue is it is the w/e so he'll be a bit spun out by the grandparents (who don't look after him regularly)

had it been mid-week then i'd be fine with it as it'd just involve bath and bed for 2x nights -easy

but my main issue is that we are both probably a *day* away from home...

no next of kin to go to hospital for a considerable amount (day?) of time shld anything bad happen and that makes me feel sick

[new mother]

"but i'm in the US (east) and he's in india... this is easily 10+hrs away min "

I'd cancel as you're doing....

[Saila]

i'm not canceling - if anyone should cancel i think it should be him? He's assured me he'll be back before i leave...

edit to add a bit more colour as we're moving into another topic which i guess is feminism...

My trip's been arranged for months, his for weeks.

If i cancel my trip does this set a precedent that somehow my job is less 'important' than his?

We do *everything* 50:50 in terms of childcare (at least i strive for that)

It's my request that DS isn't left in the country alone but he thinks it's not a problem...

[womanofdulwich]

I always remember my secretary won a week in barbados for her and hubandl when the baby was 2.5 months old- she went and left her with her mum ( who she has only seen twice) for a week. she had a great time luxery 4 star hotel and said it gave her mum a chance to bond.all was fine. it is what you feel happy with.

[The Nappy Lady]

I can see both sides....didn't leave either of mine overnight until over 1, but then was still breastfeeding so not much choice anyway.

Once over 1, with DD1 we went to France for a wedding and left her overnight with Granny, and then for a weekend when she was 2.5. At 4 she stayed with them for a week, then flew out to join us in Spain with them - the week without her was wonderful, but I missed her massively by the end of the week.

DD2 has been to stay with her Godmother overnight a few times since turning 1, with her sister there too which I think helps. We have a big trip looming though - taking our 6 year old on Safari next February to Africa and leaving DD2 with her Godmother, with visits from Granny too for an entire week - and yes, we will be an 11 hour flight away. I've never done anything like this, or been so far away from one of my children so it will be hard, but I 100% trust those I am leaving her with (they are her legal guardians in any case and visit her every single week), and it is tempered by the excitement of sharing something amazing with my 'big girl' and her Dad.

Saila - I think your situation is really tricky, and I too would be annoyed about being 'expected' to cancel my trip if it had been booked for much longer. It sounds like it is all working out OK bit by bit...hope it continues that way.

[Saila]

Thanks Nappy Lady. To clarify i dont' think he expected me to cancel the trip. I think his assumption was 'if you think it's a problem leaving DS without a parent in the country, then you cancel your trip'...

... but i think..... It's *our* problem. Once that has been established we should separately assess whose trip takes priority and as mine was arranged ages ago, really mine should.

Anyway ... he's already said he'd be back before i set off so *hopefully* they'll be no weird volcanoes or terrorist threat to throw another spanner in the works....

[The Nappy Lady]

Ah, sorry.....I agree though it is a joint problem, and shouldn't be your problem simply because he doesn't share your concerns.

Fingers crossed....

[Growlybear]

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all, and if it was me, I would cancel my trip without a second thought. I can't think of anything that would have persuaded me to leave my daughter overnight when she was a baby, let alone if my husband was away as well.

[Saila]

Unfortunately if your job requires you to go on work trips, you really must go. Otherwise i'd have to give up my job and i am the breadwinner. So as much as i don't like business travel, you have to compromise to keep a roof over your head...

Moreover DS is not in anyway *more* dependent on me or him. We share childcare so it makes no difference who's there for DS as long as one of us is...

if that makes sense