Mums and Toddlers at playgroups

[Peppa]

Am I expecting too much by thinking parents should supervise their children while they are at play groups?

On several occasions my toddler has been pushed/hit/kicked by other children who seem not to have a parent watching them, or at least not stepping in to stop this behaviour. I understand a certain amount of "toddler behaviour" in inevitable but its very off putting for quieter children.

Today a toddler threw a wooden toy at my 10 week old baby's head, she later came back with more toys for another attempt.

Its so frustrating.

[pommie]

can you not speak to the people in charge of the playgroup and ask them to have a word? They should really keep an eye on things and if necessary, bring it to the parents attention (if the parents are not taking any notice of their child)

[BEANIE1]

I am with you on this one Peppa!

[ClareC]

I've noticed this too. There is one group I go to and the same (bigger) child, always with a nose like a tap, barges crawling babies out the way and muscles his way in on whatever they are playing on. Never has a parent/carer anywhere close. Very irritating! I'm all for allowing kids to have independence but that doesn't extend to upsetting and being rough with others, even more so when they are a lot smaller :-(

[curlykaren]

I used to really worry about this, now I just tell the kid off. If the parent doesn't like it let them come and talk to me about it!

[Pickle]

I agree with CurlyKaren, if no parent/carer around I tell the child off!

[Belle]

This issue generally is such a tricky one I think, as it depends on the what's happening. I tend to judge it based on how accidental I think it was - if it was just part of the rough and tumble/exuberance of toddler life, I ignore it, but if it starts getting towards bullying/aggression (i.e. if the child is older/bigger than mine) I go over and say something like 'leave him alone/stop that please, he's smaller than you'. I do also tell my own child to share/not to push etc. What I don't get so bothered about is another toddler taking something off my child, I kind of think it's good for him to learn that might happen and that it's not the end of the world if it does. I did once have a horrible experience in Peckham Rye playground where my son disappeared into the playtunnel, only for me to find him a minute later, sitting stock still with a shocked look on his face as a much older child repeatedly hit him!

[Ruth_Baldock]

Belle, that's awful! Poor little j! My son likes to crawl over to tiny babies And have a good stare/babble but I always swoop in, pick him up and say "that's a. Very tinybaby, darling, he can't play with you yet" and then try and divert his attention. I'd be mortified if someone had to tell him off because I wasn't watching him!

He also gets pushed over a lot and once in a playground, he was on a little roundabout thing sitting up and clapping and an older toddler kicked him off. I don't know who was more upset- baby or me!!!

[Belle]

I know - something so upsetting about it, def think it hurts us more! What really upset me was the way he was so still and quiet - most uncharacteristic! He recovered fast though. I too do the 'gentlegentlegentle' mantra with small babies, as he's fascinated by them.

Just to balance this thread - I've had quite a few lovely incidents with older kids playing really nicely with my son, in all sorts of situations.

[Ruth_Baldock]

Yes, at the playground at Ruskin park a group of 9/10 year olds were lovely to baby s, encouraging him to stand up againstthe climbing frame and saying "watch out, he's little!" to a bunch of 5 year olds. Then they asked if he would be out playing again soon.

The gentle mantra is so deeply imbedded in me and mr baldock that we both find ourselves saying it all the time out of context- whilst parking and putting things in the trolley in sainos...

[The Nappy Lady]

It is horrible, but can be really difficult at times (on both sides) - I'm in the 'demon toddler' phase at the moment - at our regular playgroup, which is home from home to C she can be a real monster because she is so comfortable there - I have to watch her like a hawk at the moment because she's suddenly started being really bossy, and will shove children away from a toy she is playing with, or even lash out. It is a new development, but one most toddlers go through at some point (just so glad she isn't biting, kicking etc.....yet. Thankfully she is OK with babies, really gentle with them.

I follow her around, and try hard to ensure she behaves, but if another Mum asks me a question at the wrong moment etc. I guess the worst could happen. Most of the adults at playgroup work as a team watching all the children which helps - we tend to know the ones who are in the 'pushing/shoving' phase and I'm very happy for another Mum to step in if need be.

I too get annoyed if a difficult child is not being watched or disciplined at all, and I did once say to a lady 'please can you keep an eye on your little one as he keeps pushing my daughter' (she was on the phone and not watching him at all). She was fine about it and did watch him from that point on.

Sorry, this is a very long post to say please don't be afraid to ask a parent to watch their child, but (depending on the circumstances) don't assume they always let their child run riot, they may just have been briefly distracted, or the child may only just have developed this bad habit. I'd just try to approach them in a friendly way, even if inside you are seething, and fingers crossed they will apologise in 100 different ways and make sure it doesn't happen again.

[ClareC]

Well said Molly, I agree we can all be distracted, and it's always exactly the wrong time, or maybe the Lo's know it and take advantage ;-)

I don't think anyone has an issue with the momentarily distracted parents, it's the ones that just do not bother at all.

Fortunately there are few of these, and there are some lovely kids about too :-)

[Keef]

At least kids have the excuse of being kids. My little girl was elbowed out of the way at Hornimans by a woman who wanted her kid to be at the front. Quite honestly, I felt like punching her! (but I didn't)

[Sanne Panne]

Indeed it's the kids whose parents systematically don't react to their toddlers smashing plastic hammers into other toddlers' cheeks that bother me. I don't actually dare to tell those kids off because I think their parents are going to hit me with a real hammer. I once told a toddler off after he smacked my daughter against a wall in our own home and his mum hasn't talked to me since. Not saying who was wrong or right but things can get VERY sensitive when you get involved in other kids' behaviour...

[Ruth_Baldock]

Molly, just wanted to say that your lovely baby (toddler?) c was so gentle and caring when she met baby s way back in the spring, when he was just shy of 4 months old. I was very impressed! I think she even showed him a yoghurt and passed me his plush dinosaur when she saw it in his buggy. Lovely little girl, well done you!