Don't advertise to criminals

[Tony Rabbit]

When you dispose of your cardboard packaging don't advertise to criminals that you have just bought a new expensive TV / hi-fi or anything else nice and appealing. Always fold the cardboard boxes inside out and hide the name of the contents. Tape it securely so that it doesn't spring open.

Thank you Snatedawg for warning us that criminals are in our area NOW by your urgent posting.

[Tony Rabbit]

Snatedawg (Mon 13/12/2010, 8.20pm Blackwater Street) found a hand wrapped in a handkerchief through her letterbox. Suspect black male apparent age 50 who smokes.

NEVER NEVER NEVER open the door in these circumstances even if you are a strong male. Suspects who may be under the influence of drink or drugs do not feel much pain and are very very difficult to overcome. It is easier for them to force the door open than you inside trying to close it which will be impossible if part of their body on an implement is pushed through. They may have a weapon.

If you MUST open the door for your own reason always put on a strong chain or restraining device to prevent the door coming fully open. Do not trust the fixing screws normally provided with these chains they can be pulled out. Replace the fixing screws with a long strong screw that will hold deeply into the door frame. UPVC doors usually have an internal metal support frame. If this is the case secure through the plastic into the metal frame.

ALWAYS USE YOUR DOOR SECURITY CHAIN.

[RosieH]

But how do I get outside?

[RosieH]

See, on first reading (and even second and third, before referring to the thread in question), I read this as "found a hand wrapped in a handkerchief put through their letterbox". Under those circumstances, I would in all likelihood, a) vomit and b) call the police.

But it's a thievery hand dude. Ok.

Under those circumstances, please don't put your doorkey on a string that can be grabbed by thievery hand dude. Then he can let himself in and thieve you.

[nashoi]

Jesus just come in from the pub and thought people were putting severed hands through letter boxes now. Then I remembered I had electrified all my household surfaces and these petrified bastards were up there as a result and a warning to others.

A more cost effective alternative to electrifying your entire house is to install a guillotine above the letterbox. I believe in the ancient code used by tramps and vagabonds, the presence of a severed limb nailed to the gate post indicated that the occupant was a badass mutherfucker not to be messed with.

[Michael Palaeologus]

This is South London. We can carry guns and shit. Cant we?

[snatedawg]

Thanks for your advice Tony Rabbit. The police just came round for a more detailed description and they're going to send some Safer Neighbourhood officers to patrol the area.

[Santerme]

Michael Palaeologus Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> This is South London. We can carry guns and shit.

> Cant we?

Move to Dorset

Breaking news, the cricket pavilion is being used by under aged teens to........hide behind and smoke, three one litre cider bottles were also recovered!

Every time I think I miss London, I am brought back to Earth by the Parish Magazine.

[Alec John Moore]

A regular dosage of The Archers does it for me!