HR advice

[Flatforsale]

I am in a situation where my line manager says that something was discussed during my recent appraisal, which I genuinely have no recollection of (no malice intended). It is over an incredibly petty point, and generally I wouldn't bat an eyelid and let it go, however relations with this manager are at an al time low, I feel bullied, and generally miserable (ongoing, not just over this issue). The manager insists that this conversation did take place. I don't know what to do next. It is a very small organisation with no official HR person. There was a third person present during the appraisal but I don't have a good relationship with this manager either and it could swing either way for me. I could concede that perhaps it was discussed but that I genuinely have no recollection and suggest that in future meetings a recap be done at the end of the session, or I could ask the third party present to mediate and if it swings her way risk reinforcing the bulling behaviours and get a bad reputation (or lacking memory or whatever) to boot, or I could just leave it and hope it goes away. I haven't signed my appraisal and I need to soon. I just want the conflict (all of it) to stop! I am tearful over this and this insecurity over how to respond is totally unlike me as the thing being 'argued' over is so insignificant it is laughable (but for some reason it matters hugely to my manager).

[IlonaM]

Having had my own share of challenging situations at work I would suggest talking to the confidential and free helpline run by ACAS (See: http://www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=2042). ACAS also has a lot of guidance and advice online.

Alternatively, are you a member of a union? As a lawyer I had never considered joining one, but as the right-on firm I was working for at the time had an in-house GMB branch I did join and found their advice and support invaluable when I needed it. The benefits of being a member extend beyond employment law and advice to other areas of legal advice etc.

I hope that you can resolve the issue at appraisal without too much upset and stress. I know how these things can impact on the rest of our lives and health, so go in well-armed with advice and support.

Best wishes,

I

[Monkey]

I'm sorry you are in this situation. Not advising you to back down or give up on this job but would just like to add that writing and sending your CV can be incredibly liberating, alleviate the stress and make you stronger in your current position. Good luck.

[DuncanW]

Could you not ask for the appraisal meeting to be reconvened? Say that you genuinely don't remember this issue being discussed, but you're happy to go back over it. You may not agree with what is being said but at least the focus could then be on the issue itself, not whether or not it was discussed first time around.

[Jules-and-Boo]

Does it have any impact on your overall performance outcome?

If not, I might be inclined to leave it and make a mental note going forward to document everything and follow up with an email saying 'this is a summary of our conversation'.

If it IS going to cause a problem, I would as the third person for their notes and say that there are some items that you feel have been included/ excluded and could you run through them together.

If it was mentioned perhaps they could help clarify the focus that was spent on it - and if the appraisal does not draw attention to it that is not warranted. It needs to be a record of what was discussed.

Maybe your manager forgot to mention it and wants to drop it in. If you don't remember, or disagree - either way there is not problem in checking. That's what the other person is there for.

[Flatforsale]

Thank you for all your replies. I have gone for genuinely can't remember and in meetings from now on to recap at the end what has been discussed. It does have a slight impact on performance result but I have found out higher powers who are sympathetic towards me have power to overturn the decision so I'm going to leave it at that for now. I've also updated my cv and yes it does feel better already.

[Jules-and-Boo]

Sounds like a good plan. Sometimes things are just not worth the stress.

:-)

[midivydale]

Well done. It is a challenge to pick the right battles. Do make a habit of noting down discrepencies though it is useful to have a log. Good luck and well done for sortinf out your cv!