Sensitive babies and the '4th trimester'

[Fuschia]

Don't read if it's going to rile you, please!

Not really wanting a debate about everything I post, this is for those seeking an alternative to the drive to encourage independence and 'selfsoothing'

http://www.letthebabydrive.com/letthebabydrive/Multi_Sensory.html

I came to this approach naturally with child no 1 who was high needs and often would cry while all I could do was to be there and try to keep myself calm

Interesting article and in line with 'happiest baby on the block' approach if you have read that or seen dr karp on YouTube

[Moos]

Edited.

[snowboarder]

I like this - quite reassuring when I think back to poor stressed out baby 1 - and I thought I was 'doing it all wrong' too. With baby 2 - well not so much - but we have been more relaxed....so maybe that's why?

[Fuschia]

It probably has an impact sb but I think it comes down to personality too

I like the idea of accepting maybe you can't fix it and just offering empathy

Holds good as a strategy for toddlers too

But oh how I remember standing at the open door to the garden one day watching the rain pour down while little c howled on my shoulder and somehow accepting I couldn't stop it but it was enough just to be there, together

' I know, I know, I know '

A very soothing mantra for both me and him

[snowboarder]

Fuschia Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> But oh how I remember standing at the open door to

> the garden one day watching the rain pour down

> while little c howled on my shoulder and somehow

> accepting I couldn't stop it but it was enough

> just to be there, together

>

> ' I know, I know, I know '

>

> A very soothing mantra for both me and him

I remember having similar epiphany one night with Z after the umpteenth screaming wake up!! Had just read what mothers do and that had an impact too...

[helena handbasket]

Completely agree.

I loved Karp's fourth trimester theories. His advice about how to swaddle and sway during the hard nights of colic were really helpful.

He has some fun stuff for toddlers too. In Happiest Toddler on the Block he looks at how babies-toddlers go through all the stages of evolution in primatology...... in two years. Really gives some perspective on how quickly they change and how difficult it must be for them to understand what's going on. It's hilarious because it teaches you toddler talk to communicate through tantrums etc., like : "You mad! You want cookie! Can't have! So mad!". Mine responded a bit to it, not completely but I got the point. I love his work and even if you don't get into it think it's worth a read.

[gwod]

Completely agree that its a great philosophy for parenting as they get older, as they become better communicators you realise that you absolutely cannot fix most of their problems (loss or pain for example), but your unquestioning empathy, love, and patience can make them stronger and fitter for the world as a whole. Hate the title though. 'Happiest Toddler on the Block' smacks of the sort of competitive and comparing parenting that can mess us all up if we dont watch out!

[Fuschia]

True!

[helena handbasket]

Well mine always seemed to be the grumpiest baby/toddler on the block :) so that was a goal I never aspired to.

At least I learned it wasn't ALL my fault.