Inviting strangers into your home

[OrganicGirl]

I recently advertised an item I'd like to sell. I had an interested buyer who messaged me something like "just give me your address and I'll come round." I replied that I'd prefer to meet him/her in one of the local cafes on Lordship Lane. I'm a single woman living alone and as the victim previously of an assault in my home, I do not just give out my address randomly and invite total and utter strangers into my home. The person then replied: "No as I would rather pick it up from an address and not just buy it on the street."

What are your thoughts? Is it really so unusual to just meet a buyer in a public place?

[mockney piers]

I guess the buyer is probably wondering whether you're legitimate or fencing stolen goods and you're being understandably cautious given your situation.

Meet in the middle, just throw them a bone so they'll feel like there'll be someone to find if things turn out dodgy. A phone number or work email address might assuage their fears enough to do the transaction in a public place.

[giggirl]

You're right to be cautious. If it was me I would be OK inviting a forum regular round to my house (registered a long time/lots of posting) but if it was someone new to the forum then I wouldn't have them knocking at my front door. Not that I think newbies are any more likely to be criminals, but they would be harder to find afterwards.

*edited for crimes against the apostrophie

[indiepanda]

Well, I've always had people come round to my home collect stuff I've been selling and they've done the same when I've been buying. I suppose I am quite trusting, but then I think most of them have been ladies, and when it has been men my other half has generally been around so I've felt safe anyway. But to be honest main reason for ensuring my other half was there was because I sold some heavy stuff and it needed two people to shift and he's a lot stronger than me, not because I felt in any way threatened.

I can understand why you would be nervous under the circumstances, but equally if I were a guy and someone refused to let me have their address to come and look at something they are selling then I'd probably feel a bit insulted. It must be hard on the decent men to get tarred with the same brush as the few rotten apples in the barrel.

But I guess it doesn't totally rule out someone being one of those rotten apples... only you can judge and if you really don't feel safe then better to miss out on the sale than play havoc with your peace of mind.

[Ridgley]

I agree with most of what is already said, another alternative you can have a friend with you in your home as you meet this person Safety y in mumbers.

[Jeremy]

It might seem a little unusual perhaps, but it's your house, your rules.

If this guy insists on seeing the item in your home before buying, then just tell him the deal is off, and put it on ebay instead (specifying postal delivery only).

[womanofdulwich]

I live in a busy house so always people around so not an issue, but if I lived by myself I might feel differently- especially if I had had a bad experience.

[OrganicGirl]

Gumtree.com robbery

Looking at this article it seems the police themselves advise you only to conduct these sorts of sales in a public place

[*Bob*]

Well it's common sense, really isn't it.

If you're responding to a 'car for sale' advert, which stipulates you must bring cash only and meet in a deserted lane in Surrey - then it's probably best to give it a miss.

[maxxi]

I have both been to other people's homes and had some come to mine and it is a tricky one. When I am selling something and a woman is coming to pick up when I am on my own I tend to keep the item by the door and not invite the woman in so she doesn't think it's a trap/con (though some have bustled in anyway) and sometimes even take the item outside "It's easier to see in daylight".

It's a little like finding yourself walking behind a woman on a deserted street late at night; you either cross over the road or slow right down or go another way in case she thinks you are following/stalking her. When visiting a female vendor I make a point of not going inside "I'm in a bit of a rush " etc. sounds silly but if it puts someone at their ease it's worth it. And then I pounce it's easy too.

[mockney piers]

I've given a few things away and women have generally come with hubby in tow, except one who was a known forumite, which was a pity as it was the heaviest telly in the world and a hubby would have been jolly useful (not that she wasn't fine with lugging the telly, I was just hoping to get away with not doing it)

[*Bob*]

I assume they're still both trapped in your cellar then, Mockney?

Along with all the others.

[mockney piers]

Cellar, in a post 1960 build, are you mad?!?! No they're in the loft.

Don't worry though I'm sure they're all having plenty of fun on their unfettered paths to total excess!

[OrganicGirl]

Thanks for all the responses! The fact that my potential buyer seemed so absolutely dead set on getting my address and coming to my home doesn't sit all that well with me. I'd have understood if he/she had asked me to provide a receipt or something as proof that the phone really is mine or even show ID. But to insist on coming to your home and call off the purchase immediately when I suggested Cafe Nero, is a tiny bit odd in my opinion.

[indiepanda]

OrganicGirl Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Thanks for all the responses! The fact that my

> potential buyer seemed so absolutely dead set on

> getting my address and coming to my home doesn't

> sit all that well with me. I'd have understood if

> he/she had asked me to provide a receipt or

> something as proof that the phone really is mine

> or even show ID. But to insist on coming to your

> home and call off the purchase immediately when I

> suggested Cafe Nero, is a tiny bit odd in my

> opinion.

That does sound a little bit odd, I think I would have been a bit jumpy about that.

[ianr]

> Looking at this article it seems the police themselves advise you only to conduct these sorts of sales in a public place

That's not my reading, which is just that if you are meeting in a public place, the police recommend that it be a safe busy area.

You mentioned being messaged. I'd distinguish mobile phone messages from forum PMs. Someone using an unknown mobile phone number I'd count as being potentially untraceable by anybody. Someone's PM'ing does at least potentially provide you with a track record, and a link to forum, ISP, etc. records that the police could access if they thought it necessary. Similarly so, if you've communicated via their private landline phone. I'd count the existence of either of those traceables as goodish predictors of my own safety, in the absence of any evidence to the contrary.

Personally, I think I'd be unlikely to buy any valuable consumer item (particularly an as-new one) without evidence of ownership, without believing that the seller would be subsequently findable if need be. An address or receipt would do; I don't think corner seat, Caff? Nero, would.

[Townleygreen]

  Quote

Organicgirl, in my opinion you are 100% correct not to go ahead with this transaction at your home.

VERY sensible.

[Chick]

Who was the potential buyer?

[OrganicGirl]

Someone who has only ever posted on the forums once. That one message was to another person selling something, offering to go round that person's house to buy something or other and, I believe, asking for their address.

Chick Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Who was the potential buyer?

[OrganicGirl]

Actually the police statement says: "make sure that you meet in a busy area" and Gumtree added: ""Like the Police, we strongly recommend that people meet in daylight, in a public place and that you take a friend along."

The advice to meet in a "busy area" and "in daylight, in a public place" would seem to indicate that meeting inside your own home when you live alone is not recommended.

ianr Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> > Looking at this article it seems the police

> themselves advise you only to conduct these sorts

> of sales in a public place

>

> That's not my reading, which is just that if you

> are meeting in a public place, the police

> recommend that it be a safe busy area.

>

> You mentioned being messaged. I'd distinguish

> mobile phone messages from forum PMs. Someone

> using an unknown mobile phone number I'd count as

> being potentially untraceable by anybody.

> Someone's PM'ing does at least potentially provide

> you with a track record, and a link to forum, ISP,

> etc. records that the police could access if they

> thought it necessary. Similarly so, if you've

> communicated via their private landline phone.

> I'd count the existence of either of those

> traceables as goodish predictors of my own safety,

> in the absence of any evidence to the contrary.

>

> Personally, I think I'd be unlikely to buy any

> valuable consumer item (particularly an as-new

> one) without evidence of ownership, without

> believing that the seller would be subsequently

> findable if need be. An address or receipt would

> do; I don't think corner seat, Caff? Nero, would.

[anna75]

"Someone who has only ever posted on the forums once. That one message was to another person selling something, offering to go round that person's house to buy something or other and, I believe, asking for their address. "

WHAT???

Good grief, I would not even consider it. Clearly a weirdo of some description. I'd report it to the police in an attempt to save someone else less careful. I am really serious. This is weird.

[Huguenot]

This isn't female oppression is it?

We could have a walk about it, but just be sensible is my recommendation.

[Dougal Mulldoon]

This isn't female oppression is it?

We could have a walk about it, but just be sensible is my recommendation.

Huge not,

Are you full of cow dung or is this what passes for humor in that great intellect of yours?

Banker.

[Huguenot]

Ach Dougal! You've never been able to see the different levels have you?

[Twirly]

I too think you were very sensible not to meet in your own home. You haven't said what the item was, but I assume that it was easily portable? If so, then I can't see what his problem was. If I bought something off someone under these circumstances, and it proved to be faulty, I would just put it down to bad luck. I wouldn't be expecting them to fix it or provide a refund - or do other people expect this in these circumstances?

The other way of dealing with it could have been to ask for his address, and take the item to his home (with a friend, male or female, for your safety). If he had refused that, then I think he'd be even more dubious. Is there anyone you can report someone like that to? He hasn't done anything, so presumably the police wouldn't be interested, likewise a mod on here.