Help.. I'm listening to jazz

[*Bob*]

What's that note doing there? Can a microphone pick-up the sound of eyebrows raising and lowering, or am I imagining it? Why are the title of the track and the music therein entirely unrelated?

argh.. here comes the improvisation.. heeeeeeeeelp

[Moos]

Try the button with the little square* on it.

*not in the jazz sense

[*Bob*]

I can't help it.. 'the jazz' has taken me.

Any other jazz cats out there? If you're digging on lightly syncopated beats whilst reclining with a pipe, raise an eyebrow in my direction.

[ianr]

I take it you're not listening to Albert Ayler, but can you be any more specific about the jazz music whereof you speak?

[*Bob*]

It's just jazz.. you know.. the jazz? Common or garden.

Oh God.. somebody just said 'yeah' after a particularly discordant interlude.

[HonaloochieB]

A wiseacre once said "There are many problems in the world jazz is not the answer to any of them".

[*Bob*]

I've finished the double decker and taken a sleeping tablet.

With luck it'll all be over in fifteen minutes.

[HonaloochieB]

Though that could be a variation on the original wisenheimer's theme.

[HonaloochieB]

Though in fact the original wiseass may have taken the theme from elsewhere and was just riffing.

[HonaloochieB]

Exactly how long are you going to Bogart that thing?

[*Bob*]

That's it.. Talk jazz to me..

[ianr]

> I've finished the double decker and taken a sleeping tablet.

That sounds like a mistake. Perhaps you ought to have been taking bennies.

[*Bob*]

Goodman?

[ianr]

Moiseiwitsch man. Where are you at?

[*Bob*]

Surely you mean 'where is you at'?

[HonaloochieB]

Surely Jack. He could probably have hacked out a bit of 'Miles' on the violin and there was a better chance of getting a laugh out of him.

'Kinder Jew'?

[ianr]

And when I was twelve years old, sopmeone showed me the interweb, and told me of all the wonderful mailing lists, and bulletin boards, each with its butterfly panoply of threads, a stream of posts in each one.

And so I looked. And as I sat there watching the marvellous spectacle

I had the feeling that something was missing.

I don't know what, but when it was over,

I said to myself, "Is that all there is?

Is that all there is...?"

[*Bob*]

That's exactly how I feel about Jazz.

[ianr]

Miss Lee says it sweeter.

[Brendan]

Had you not found the boobs yet?

[Otta]

Oh *bob*, you poor thing! I had the misfortune to hear some jazz on radio 4 yesterday, some pianist interpretting a painting in music. Shocking stuff!

Anyway, if you're going to become a convert, you'll need to learn your "jazz manners".

[*Bob*]

I don't know what happened there.

It was a warm night and the back doors were open. I hadn't shaved for several days. It felt right.

Now I just feel dirty.

[mockney piers]

I must say I fear for the mocklet's future. He was playing with the DAB radio in the bathroom the other day and stumbled upon some jazz and actually started boogying.

Now the only thing that stops him jumping up and down on my head when he joins us in bed at 6 o'clock of a sunday morning is if I give him my phone on the jazz radio thingy. He puts it to his ear and nods sagely.

Mind you he'll throw it away if there's any hint of a slap bass, naff synth or wanky utterances a la 'yeaaaurghy' or 'get daaaaaaaooown'; he only likes what my mate calls 'the plinky plonky stuff'

[red devil]

*raises an eyebrow in *Bob's* direction...*

 

[Jah Lush]

Just for you *Bob*