Anxious about full time nursery

[Sally81]

Hi all,

I'm just looking for a bit of reassurance/opinion/experience/honesty about putting my son into nursery full time.

I'm totally stressed and anxious about it and feel like I'm going to give myself a stomach ulcer. It's really keeping me awake at night.

Here's what the plan is: He's going to go to nursery for two days a week from the end of Nov when he'll be ten months old.

Then from the end of Jan he's going full time, every single week day when he'll be One.

I don't feel too bad about the two days a week but at the moment I feel so worried and upset about him going full time, even though I need to go back to work full time for financial and career reasons - both of which will benefit us as a family in the long run.

I have lots of lovely friends who of course tell me it'll be fine, he'll be fine etc - a few of them will no doubt read this!

But most people i know are not going back full time and I'm just wondering if anyone can tell me their experience of working full time and using full time childcare in the hoping of getting some peace of mind - however please feel free to be honest if it just didn't work for you and your child....???

[kittysailing]

What's making you worry so? I went back to work at ten months and looked at all my childcare options - I was worried about him being in a big environment with lots of kids and it all being a bit overwhelming - I opted for a childminder who only has mine and one other - lovely homely environment and lots of trips to playgroups etc. It all depends on your kid really and how adaptable they are as to what environment would suit them best.

Good luck - am sure whatever you decide will be fine!

[Monkey]

My daughter has been full time at nursery since she was four months. She's now two, a lovely little girl, very happy, confident and busy. Loves going to nursery, loves the ladies looking after her and is also delighted when I pick her up (thank goodness) although she's been known to push my husband out of the room in the morning. Nurseries are fun and nurturing. Do not listen to a word of all the silly scare mongering.

Another plus is that We also got to know lots of parents and it's lovely bumping into them at the weekend and seeing our children greet each other. I have read that kids don't socialise until they 're three but my daughter definitely has her little clique of friends. Lots of people were surprised that I put her in nursery at such a young age but I never worried about it and I was right! we've never had any problems.

Stop worrying and enjoy your lovely son. Which nursery have you chosen?

right!

[Bonfire2010]

Hi Sally81

My son started nursery one day per week when he was 10 months old and I really sympathise with how you are feeling as I was very stressed out about leaving him. However, he's settled in well and really seems to enjoy his day. He is going to go full time in January when I have to go back to work full time (for the same reasons as you), and I now feel much happier as he'll already be used to the environment and the staff, and I've got my head around the fact that he's OK when I leave him there. Easing him in on a part-time basis seems to be working for us, and I'm sure it will all be OK for you too.

xxx

[srisky]

I know three people very well who have had very different upbringings from birth-5y:

Me: lived with my grandfather and aunt for 18 months in a country that was going through a civil war, whilst parents were in England and couldn't get me out of the country. My mum missed my 2nd birthday and both my parents missed my 4th birthday. My relatives, however, were amazing to me and I was oblvious to all the troubles going on.

My brother: at childminders/nursery from 4 months as my mum had to return to work (no idea what the maternity 'rights' were like in the 80's); my dad was commuting from Surrey to Hertfordshire every day so was hardly around during our waking hours.

My husband: his mum stayed at home full time and brought up him and his elder sister (I think they went to a few sessions of nursery once they were 3).

All 3 of us have really close relationships with each other and our parents and (IMO) are well adjusted members of society.

I don't know how much of it's nature or nuture but I believe that as long as children are brought up in a loving, caring environment by adults (whether it be by stay-at-home-mum/dad, nursery, childminder or a combination) who spend time and talk to them then they will be generally fine. They will definitely know who their parents are even if they only spend quality time with them at the weekends (or in my case longer).

Good luck - I think it will be a stressful experience no matter how many reassurances you get; I'm dreading it!

Parenthood seems to be a case of doing your best whilst wishing you could do better :-S

[womanofdulwich]

Almost everyone feels like this. Whatever childcare you use. It is completely normal. I think its great that you are gradually going full time. Thats probaly best for you. Believe me there is not a "100% correct answer " for childcare. you do what you think is best for now, then you are continually worrying - even at 18 which university - if at all- it jsut goes on and on!!

[BellendenBear]

It will be fine. I put my eldest daughter in nursery 3 days per week at 7 months then full-time from 12 months. She absolutely loves nursery. I can count on one hand the amount of times she has been upset when we left her in the mornings. In fact, I can count many more times when she hasn't wanted to come home in the evenings or has asked to go to nursery at weekends! I also agree with Monkey that they do make close circles of friends much younger than 3, and this is really lovely to watch. I also agree that nurseries offer a very nurturing environment.

Don't let worrying about this spoil your remaining weeks of Mat leave.

[Sally81]

Thank you everyone. These replies have really helped to make me feel better. I can't really explain any specific reasons for my anxiousness that don't sound like silly little worries. I guess - as with all of us - it's just the fact that you've been with your baby every day since they were born and suddenly you won't be, which might be hard for both of you.

But - i know I mustn't spoil the next few weeks by being overly worried about this - so thank you all, you have helped me to take a deep breath and move on! (Nearly.)

[Yak]

Sally81, I'm going back to work F/T and will be putting Yaklet in nursery F/T when he turns one, for similar reasons to you. I am sure it all will be well. Babies are incredibly adaptable, I think - more so than us parents in my case! Before too long maybe you and I will be wondering what all the fuss was about (while fretting over the next parenting issue that rears its head). Personally, the thought of trying to fit my job or part of my job into a P/T position would only add to the stress of returning to work.

Best of luck and let us know how you get on!

[mummynegin]

Hi Sally 81, it's totally natural to be worried about putting your son into nursery full time. My son started nursery at 5.5 months going 3 days a week with 2 days being looked after by my mum. I was really anxious about it too, but it worked out really well and he loved nursery. I'm going back to work full time after my second maternity leave in a few weeks and both my son (now 2.5) and one year old daughter will be going to nursery full time. It would actually be significantly cheaper for us to have a full time nanny, as the nursery we use is in the City and is much more expensive than nurseries in the area, but as my son loved it so much there, we'd rather have both our children go there than use other childcare options. They learn so much at nursery and have a lot of fun. For us it's been a really positive experience.

The only negative thing I would say about nursery is that the children pick up a lot of viruses there. For my son's first six months at nursery, he picked up a new virus every week (and passed it onto us). Luckily at his nursery they rarely send them home if they're ill, so I didn't have to miss any work because of it. After the initial 6 months, he didn't get ill too often though and on the plus side hopefully it will mean that he won't get ill so much when he starts school. The other thing to mention is that not all nurseries are the same. We transferred my son to a local nursery when I started my second maternity leave and we didn't like the nursery, so we transferred him back to the nursery in the City. Until you've given it a go though, you're not going to know for sure if the nursery will be right for your family.