Expecting our 1st

[Dom Johnston]

Hello everyone!

So, my wife and I are expecting our 1st bundle of joy on the 3rd March next year. Just had out 13 week scan, so it's all very exciting and if I'm being totally honest, absolutely terrifying too!!

From all you experienced and maybe not so experienced parents out there, do you have any tips and hints that can make adjusting to baby life a bit easier.

Things to watch out for? Things you wish you'd have done differently or did differently with subsequent babies?

Any help whatsoever would be most appreciated so I don't make any silly mistakes. I know it's a learning curve, but I want to try and be as well prepared as I possibly can be!

Thanks in advance!

Dom

[midivydale]

Hi Dom,

Congratulations! I would say (and I?m terrible at this) but going with the flow is a pretty good thing. There is no book, or manual or magic trick to learn. We all just make it up as we go and try to act as we have our shit together but taking each day as it comes and go with it will help.

What my husband and I would say in hindsight is:

Work together, it?s easy to end up in whoever has had the worst day/night but if you both help eachother to get through then that will help.

The first few weeks are full on, your life will not be like this forever. It feels like it at the time but you will get ?you? back, but it will take a while. Accept it for what it is, it will not last forever.

Help your wife to eat. It may sound silly but if she is bf she will not have time for much else in the early weeks and you helping her to eat will make a huge difference to her mental well-being.

I?d buy a sling or go to a sling library to rent one. A baby Bjorn bouncer and ansleepyhead has really helped me too!

[poch]

I'd second what midivydale says - the slightly mental bit at the beginning passes very quickly. Trust that you won't be getting up x times a night forever! Second time round parents seem to be a lot more relaxed and that's probably to do with a bit of extra experience, but also just knowing how quickly it all changes makes you a bit more chilled about the less good bits. A six month old baby is very different from a four week old baby....

I'd get local networks going - NCT, or those groups on the forum. Hanging out with on your own with a baby ain't always a bag of laughs. A friendly face over a cuppa makes a big difference. Someone gave me the tip of doing 'one thing a day' when I was pregnant, and I think it's quite a good rule of thumb. You'll soon have a two year old on your hands and the days pass a lot more quickly and happily if they're hanging out with a pal...

Take advantage of the fact that you're not bound to bedtimes at home when they're tiny (ie they can sleep in a sling, or a buggy). We ended up in the pub a fair bit when first one was little. In some ways you have a lot more flexibility pre. orderly bedtimes and cots!

Good luck!

[Rob tolfts]

Congratulations Dom!

Firstly, what the others said!

Secondly, try not to buy everything new. Have a look on here, there are loads of lightly used things. Our 10 month old's current favourite is his ?3 set of stackable boxes. The Bumbo seat was ?5, used for a few weeks, then passed on.

Thirdly, I've just finished 3 months Shared Parental Leave, first month overlapping with my wife, then two with the baby. Can't recommend it highly enough if you're able to do that.

Fourthly, before the baby arrives, think about what's important to you, or that you enjoy. Try to work out how you will be able to continue doing that (after the first phase, obviously!). I missed jogging a lot & life improved greatly when I started managing to get out. Easy to forget to look after yourself!

Also agree about the food. In the lead up to our son arriving we batch cooked & froze loads, so for the first couple of weeks we could still eat healthy food without having to cook.

[Pugwash]

Accept help offered after baby born. I remember how grateful I was to my mum taking care of our daughter so that I could catch up with sleep. I have tried to do the same with my daughters - fortunately one was fairly local, use to bring the baby to me then have a kip in my bed. The other daughter is in Sussex so could not do as much

[Angelina]

You can't do everything. Don't do the cleaning when the baby is asleep - that's when you (well, mum) needs to get her rest too.

and drink coffee instead of tea, that way it doesn't matter if it gets cold.

get your shopping delivered, get outside as much as possible, don't worry that you're not doing it by the book (you'll instinctively just know), try lots of different types of food (noodles were a wonder!) and get used to repeating everything a million times, keep your grown up stuff separate from baby-time (whether it's deep conversations, checking your emails - it can all have a delegated time - don't mix them up, get plenty of baby grows - ones with feet and little shorty ones, religiously have half an hour to yourself each day to maintain sanity, spend time with your partner (same reason), learn about how baby's develop and learn so you can understand what's going on and what they need, stay patient or get someone to take over for a bit to give you a break, baths are nice if you get in too - and get a door bouncer :-)

it's a wonderful time - don't be too busy with things that don't really matter. The important moments in life happen when you're not doing anything important ;-)

[Dom Johnston]

Thanks for the input guys. It's really appreciated!!

[redjam]

I second the comment about not buying everything new. You can easily get panicked into spending a fortune on a newborn but that phase passes in a matter of weeks and honestly, what do newborns really need? (I speak as someone who for some inexplicable reason bought a white towelling cover for my plastic changing mat, which lasted precisely one week before it got disgustingly stained with newborn baby poo - what was I thinking?!)

Also think about your long-term parenting style and try to set those habits early (though accept that within the first few weeks you'll just be muddling through on bleary-eyed autopilot). For us, we wanted our kids to be comfortable sleeping on their own so we were always aiming for them to sleep in their crib/cot. Obviously some nights we ended up co-sleeping for whatever reason but we didn't let it become a habit because we knew our goal was always to get them sleeping independently. Other parents love co-sleeping and don't mind doing it for years so it's whatever you feel comfortable with - but bear in mind it can be hard for an older child to break the habit if that's all they've ever known! On the long=term front, I'd also recommend giving the 'dream feed' with a bottle (can't remember when we first did it but it was quite early days) - you can use expressed milk so they're still getting breastmilk but it means they get used to bottles as well as a nipple, which is very useful further down the line. It's also nice for you as a dad to give this and it gives your partner a break if she's breastfeeding.

My final bit of advice is to not listen to any advice. I went out and bought a whole shelf of baby books and all they did was make me feel insecure and confused. In reality you just muddle along doing the best you can and frankly every day you keep them alive you're doing well. Then one day you look up and realise they're at secondary school and you wonder how on earth that just happened... (sniff!)

ETA: Forgot to say: good luck!

[yeknomyeknom]

I would do a baby and toddler first aid course before it arrives. Just for peace of mind. Harder to make the time for one once it arrives.

[lavender27]

Hi Dom, congratulations, to your wife and yourself.

My suggestions are make time for you and your wife whilst baby is growing inside mummy, make mummy as comfortable and happy as possible, foot massages, leg massages, back massages, aromatherapy baths, pregnancy massages at "Therapy" in Melbourne Grove.

Manicure, pedicures

Go to pregnancy water aerobics with her at one of the leisure centres.

Sing and talk to baby whilst in the womb.

Still enjoy what you're doing now and when the bundle of joy arrives still do what you're doing now, with one lovely addition.

Pack a luxurious bag of essential items and goodies for labour day, to make your wife's stay in hospital a happy one. (I am just presuming it's a hospital stay)

Make sure you always have enough petrol in the car, or the arrangements to get her to hospital.

Look after yourselves and enjoy the experience.

[midivydale]

I would say that with the second one I really don?t sweat the small stuff. My husband and I can even laugh at the madness. Humour helps.

My motto at times have been ?everyone fed and no one is dead