help!: The burning question re. new baby sleeping

[Mrs Nicklin]

We're told that we need to get the baby to start falling asleep on their own in the crib/basket. When should you start to do this though?

My burning question is this: at 8 weeks, is the priority just to get the baby to sleep no matter how, or is it to get her to do it herself no matter how long it takes?

She 'touch wood' sleeps well at night from 10.30 onwards. Its the day time naps I'm obsessing with! Is she just too young to do it?

Thanks!!!

[Pickle]

It's really up to personal choice, whatever suits your family unit best.

Personally, with #1 he was put in his own cot/moses basket for naps and at night (7pm) from about 6 weeks when I started to implement a routine. With #2 (and a small age gap) it came naturally to put her down for naps during the day at the same time as her brother, so she was pretty much in a routine from day 1 and has always been a really good self-settler.

8 weeks is not too young, it just depends on which route you want to take.

[Mrs Nicklin]

Wow, and they just went down that young? Well done!

I'm not fussed about a routine yet, but I am keen for her to learn how to drift off without me...

Do I persevere or just try again next week? I don't want her to have had no naps at all today. Aaargh!

[Pickle]

Yep - might have just been good luck of course :) With my 2 it never involved leaving them to cry, they just seemed to snuffle about a bit for a while then drift off. Of course I just know that baby #3 will be born with devil horns attached...

Maybe wait until after Christmas if it means that you'll have a well rested baby by continuing to let her drift off with you there? Or perhaps the rush of Christmas organisation will mean it's easier to put her down and leave her to it? I often found with #2 that I'd put her down to do something with her brother and when I went back to her she was asleep!

Good luck with whatever you decide.

P x

[Mrs Nicklin]

Thanks! Merry Crimbo! X

[Strawbs]

My son is 8 weeks old and I do both.. Morning nap he generally puts himself to sleep (circa 8.10), at 11 I put him in the pram post his feed and head out to run my errands for a couple of hours and he sleeps the whole time.. I stop for lunch and he eats.. He then goes back to sleep in the pram but wakes up when I stop moving.. For the rest of the day sometimes he sleeps in basket other times he gets so fraught I allow him to sleep on me tO ensure he has at least napped so then he isn't grump all night.. Night time is a nightmare with him predominantly sleeping on us which isn't entirely his fault as had such awful reflux we have had to at night keep him upright so I think has become use to it.. In the new year we are going to try and be more strict at night but it is when his reflux is the worst and we are at our most tired so we will see..

I do worry now we are at 8 weeks that I am creating a huge problem for ourselves but with hia reflux it's hard.. Any tips would be really appreciated!!

[crystal7]

I'm probably not the best person to comment but with my daughter I just did whatever it took to get her to sleep (mainly pram, sling or rocking) as I found night time much better if she'd napped. Also her being number 1 I didn't mind being out and about with the pram all the time. If I were to do it again I'd probably take a gradual approach of trying the first nap at home with maybe some white noise patting shushing that you could slowly withdraw and the next nap in pram or whatever and see how that goes. My 9 wk old now tends to drop off on his own 1st thing sometimes before I can even put him in the basket (have been known to find him asleep on playmat whilst Ive been dealing with his sister! ) and then generally on the go for the rest of the day. He does however stay asleep in his pram once we're home sometimes for another hour or so which is great as my daughter would wake as soon as the key was in the lock! Pickle is right though you have to decide what fits in with yr lifestyle. With baby 1 I really liked the freedom of spending the whole day out going into town etc. we're much more ED based now and tied by drop off pick up times etc. Good luck!

[sillywoman]

Sometime between 3 & 6 months is the crucial time for them to learn to get themselves to sleep. If it happens earlier, great, if not I wouldn't sweat it tbh.

[KateW]

I agree with sillywoman, you've still got plenty of time to help her self-settle. I had awful trouble getting DD to self-settle for naps until she was about 4 months, most of the time I rocked her and she slept on me or she slept out and about in the pram. I did follow a loose routine from a few days old so I knew roughly when she should be napping, I just had to help her fall asleep those first few months. I now realise (DD is 14 months old) that the problems in the early months were due to overtiredness; BIG learning curve. I just wasn't putting her down early enough and she would get overtired REALLY quickly and I'd have to help her to sleep. Funny though, she was a dream in the evening and went to sleep at 7.15/7.30pm from about 4 weeks old. I drove myself crazy by stressing over her naps and thought I was creating all kinds of unbreakable props but I remember reading that as long as their little body clocks get used to napping at regular intervals during the day, assisting them to sleep in the initial couple of months isn't a problem. For me, having a routine was a real comfort, particularly as DD showed no obvious signs of overtiredness (still doesn't, but thankfully she naps and sleeps really well). The timings helped me to know when I should be putting her down and she did get it in the end. With the next one, I'm still going to implement a routine very early on, but I'm going to enjoy every single snuggly cuddle and not worry that I'm creating bad habits! Like Pickle and Crystal7 said, whatever you decide to do needs to fit in with your lifestyle. Try not to worry too much, you sound very aware of the need for her to self-settle so you'll help her do this in time. One of my NCT friends wasn't worried about her son needing to self-settle and now, at 14 months, she still rocks him to sleep for his naps and at bedtime and it's killing her back (and her sanity); she's only now realising that something needs to change...! So take heart, you're doing a great job!

[Anna27]

Can't really remember what we did with the first one now two and a half but it was important to me for my own sanity that he went down at 7pm. With number two now 10 weeks old I started quite early on putting him down at 7pm, I don't have a strict day time routine as he has to fit around me and his brother. I just make sure that he's awake for about an hour before 7pm then one of us will feed and swaddle him (using the miracle blanket) got it after recommendations on the forum, I now only use it at night so he associates it with night time.

Were on formula now so one of us will feed him at 11pm normally wake hime to do this, then he wakes at 3am and then 6 45am ish, a few times now he has dropped the 3am feed but generally he still feeds every 3hrs. He only wakes for food in the night but I think we have just been quite lucky that he likes his sleep, plus he's a good burper! personally don't put too much pressure on yourself were both much more relaxed about the whole thing this time I would suggest just sticking to the same night routine even if she's not going to sleep straight away they eventually adjust and get the message it just takes some longer than others.

[Mrs Nicklin]

Thanks everyone!

This advice is really helpful. I'm not going to worry too much about self settling just yet and instead, help her to get used to napping well in the day. We'll persist with final 10pm moses basket put down for the night as she"s getting better at it! At 3 months we'll start being stricter.

Happy last days of 2011.

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