11 month old food refusal is making me miserable - reassurance please?

[hellosailor]

My almost 11 month old daughter has gone from being a great eater to a terrible eater over the last month.

I posted on here a couple of months ago when she started refusing to be spoon fed but was not dexterous enough to feed herself anywhere near the amount of food she was used to eating, so she was miserable and hungry all the time.

Luckily on that occasion she started taking the spoon again after a week and guzzling down all the pots of home made food I have made and frozen for her.

A month ago - triggered by teething and illness - she stopped eating for a few days and that in turn triggered her now longstanding refusal to be spoon fed or, even with finger foods, to eat barely anything. Obviously I only have the option of finger foods now - and the limits of this I find reeeeally stressful - yes of course you can try and be imaginative but there is a limit, really, to what an 11 month old can eat with her fingers. (she will only play about with the spoon, grab the wrong end etc, if handed one, there is no point me trying to get her to feed herself a casserole, pasta, etc, I have tried and tried)

There is definitly a strong power play / bid for independence element to it - much of the time when I hand her foods or place them infront of her, she eyeballs me and dashes them on the floor etc. Often when she does put something in her mouth and I think she's swallowed it, she will suddenly spit it everywhere as she has actually only been storing it in her cheeks.

I feel like rather than getting out and about with a thermos of warm food, easily peasily defrosted over night, like we used to be able to, I am now chained indoors most of the day, cooking stuff for her to throw on the floor, and what was briefly rather endearing(ooh, she's rebelling, how sweet!) a a few weeks ago is now making day to day life actually pretty miserable. It may sound faintly ridiculous but I wake up with a feeling of dread now '...3 meals to get through before bed...'

Where she once would have had a hearty portion of lamb casserole, fish pie, chicken hot pot, veggie bake, for lunch and dinner, it is now a big deal if she has eaten a few bites of cheese and 1 toast soldier for a meal. Inevitably, like most babies she will often make an exception and allow me to feed her a fromage frais, but even this is sometimes spat out.

Advice has varied from 'make her even more things to try' to 'stop even trying to give her meals, just give her milk'.

I know people may kindly say reassuringly that 'food before one is just for fun' but I don't find that hugely reassuring as firstly, she is pretty nearly 1 and this may well be the situation after she is 1 too, and secondly, she gets so hungry now that she screams the house down for her milk feeds well before they're due because she is just not eating anywhere near what she is used to.

The other day she screamed blue murder at 5am because she was so starving - she has not woken for food in the night since she was 2 months old, so I just can't make myself buy into the idea that just milk is suddenly enough when solids has been the bulk of what she consumes for months. The evidence of my own eyes is telling me that milk is plainly not cutting it on its own.

Plus, when you are used to your sprog eating a lot of filling and nutritious food, and all that cooking having a high vegetable / protein content, the idea that they basically only eat toast feels far from fun!

Is it really okay if your baby only eats toast and yoghurt? even if this goes on for months? if she wakes in the night or early morning because she has starved herself in the day, do I just start giving her more and more milk? really don't feel great about teaching her that it's fine to refuse food all day because mummy can just get up and replace the refused calories with milk!

Am really torn between slaving over more and more annabel karmel finger foods to try and tempt her, even though it takes all day and they will prob be rejected, or just deciding that I have a child that only eats bread, and only making bread.

sorry, rant over, any opinions or reassurance very gratefully received!

[melbourne groover]

It sounds like you are doing all the right things! To my horror (due to lots of travelling and distruption) my daughter went through a phase of only eating (revolting) jarred porridge when she was not much younger than yours - in the days before all the much nicer squeezy packets...

She is now a happy, healthy 6 yr old who eats really well.

Hang in there - it does get better....

[snowboarder]

Oh no! Our babies are similar ages - but mine has never been great at food and has ups and downs (current down - has learnt how to spit out food). My 2yr old has always been picky, and seems to survive on pasta/cheese/sausage/shreddies/apple and toast. I do use the ellas pouches/smoothies for them both - even the baby now can hold it and suck at it - only the stage ones which have some element of fruit in them though. If it's a really bad day the baby might have one of those and a philadelphia sandwich for lunch and I'm okish with that - and he will have those innocent fruit tubes and yoghurt squeezies (sainsbury do a sugar free one).

I have always got by with pasta variants for my older child - he refused to be spoonfed, BUT would let me pop bite size pieces of pasta in his mouth (often shells so could load more veggie sauce in them!)...so pasta sauces were his veg intake.

It is deeply frustrating - I feel a real failure with my eldest's diet, and it has narrowed over the last yr considerably. I do use some sneaky snacks to get through too - smoothies or banana or rice cakes. We often have the tv on at tea time (have lost all strength by then) and that distracts as do little toys - the baby in particular zones out to the cbeebies autumn song and I pop a few mouthfuls in. Also he does sometimes lunge for my plate at lunch so it's all a buffet affair - sometimes they want what they think they can't have.

Ugh it is so stressful...will she eat little sandwiches? With tuna/cream cheese etc? That is my staple lunch out with both boys. Maybe if you just save a portion of your food from the night before you won't feel quite so angry when she rejects it (but not always - I was unnecessarily cross last night when baby spat out his share of meatballs!) as you haven't made it especially for her...

Will try and remember some of my other 'tricks'....

[hellosailor]

thanks both for replies!

Snowboarder she used to eat philadelphia sandwiches in the days when she used to eat generally, but no, wouldn't now. Even with a piece of buttered toast she will eat 1 soldier and then throw the rest on the floor.

she will basically eat a small amount of toast (1 soldier)

a small amount of cheese - few bites

a few pieces of banana -

just sometimes a fromage frais

just sometimes some of a yoghurty ellas pouch

just sometimes a few pieces of pasta with cheese melted on top

just sometimes some shreddies

(wouldn't eat all these at a sitting! just might have 2 o 3 things of this list over the course of a day!)

she would not have any of the ellas pouches with savoury food now - just the yoghurty ones sometimes

and she certainly wouldn't have any 'proper' food I made for her.

if you remember any more tricks please let me know!

[uptime]

Basic question, hellosailor, but do you eat with her? And with your partner when he is at home? I find that our 13 mo will eat much more if we are also eating and she gets the same food esp from our plates. When we went out, she would happily eat from a Hipp Organic pot until our plates arrived, upon which she would reject the pot and want what we were eating; we ended up just giving her the bits that were suitable. She has always had a combination of spoon/finger feeding and been a good eater but we also had the 'food refusal after a few mouthfuls/spit out/throw on floor' phase which lasted a few weeks, and was a real pain because, like you, I had to lay on a buffet for each meal hoping she would like something. It has improved since we went to just finger food/spoon feeding by her (hit and miss as you can imagine). I do think that they have these random eating phases though. Mine refused point blank to eat blueberries for about three weeks having previously been a complete blueberry nut, but I kept offering them and she started to eat them again - totally randomly as far as I could tell.

[Fuschia]

I can tell you that even the fussiest baby cZn be a tall, strong, healthy, reasonable eater at 8

The more you fuss the worse it is

X

[embo71]

I really understand your frustration. I don't have any amazing tricks up my sleeve as i still have a picky 2 year old that needs cajoling to eat sometimes. But just wanted to say you're not alone!

My daughter definatley eats better when she is sitting at a table with other children who are all eating well. She ate a wide variety of food at her childminders (where there was another little girl who was about a year older then her) and now shes at a nursery where (after 4 months of putting food infront of her) she has started eating a much wider selection of food than I give her(and at least trying food).

Anyway what I am trying to say is that changing the scene a bit might help? Maybe eating with other children (who all eat well)?

I also think they pick up on how tense you get a mealtimes and so anything you can do to reduce it and make it as fun as possible might help everyone to relax a bit?

Sorry to ramble on, but in essence I think its a stage and like all of this business it will resolve and if you find a magic wand, can I borrow it after you?

[Fuschia]

This is good

http://www.parentingscience.com/picky-eater.html

[emza78]

Sounds silly but have you tried just giving her her own spoon to hold? My 13 month old went through this at about the same age but now she has her own spoon at every meal so she "feeds herself" (and actually does occasionally even get some in her mouth!) whilst I do the real feeding!

[hellosailor]

Thanks so much for replies, really do appreciate the reassurance..

Uptime - yes, I have tried eating with her a lot to see if it makes any difference but so far it has not. Actually the best thing I can do is wander round the kitchen pretending to wipe down the surfaces or wash up, so as not to look bothered whether she is eating! She is not encouraged to eat by me eating unfortunately..will keep trying it in case it changes.

embo71 - wish that magic wand existed!! Yes, breakfast is always at home as is early, but typically do at least one meal out of lunch and tea out and about with another mum and baby or group of babies. This is very hit and miss - sometimes it seems to encourage her to eat a few more mouthfuls, the distraction of the change of scene more than the other baby eating it seems, and other times it makes it worse than if we were at home - like the distraction is so great she just throws every single thing she is offered onto the floor and plays about without even tasting stuff - and to refuse to eat anything at all like that is not likely to happen in the quieter / calmer environment of home, where she would at least eat her 1 blimmin toast soldier usually. so I never know whether to take her out or not, but actually will have to keep doing so as frankly, 3 meals a day as gruelling as this in our kitchen, is not an option for me!

Fuschia thank you I will read the link you posted..

emza78 - funnily enough the letting her hold her own spoon even if she didn't really use it, while I handed her finger foods and popped spoonfuls into her mouth with another spoon, worked okay for just a few days, but after that it has been no help. It's been about 3 weeks since that made a bit of a difference, though I still hand her a spoon hopefully during meal times!

[oimissus]

re: holding her own spoon, larger Boots sell angled cutlery, babies eat off the side of the spoon so a normal toddler spoon is difficult for them. I used the angled spoon until my daughter was over 18 months, really helped the food to get in her mouth.

I also used different cutlery which could sometimes help when she didn't seem to want much, so sometimes her own spoon, sometimes a 'grown up' spoon, tried spearing things on a fork ('good stabbing Mummy!') - make it fun for her. Stabbing peas and sweetcorn always entertains and takes minutes to cook from frozen.

It's horribly stressful, isn't it, I used to get so wound up which if of course the worst thing. So, with hindsight - always put newspaper down to minimise the clearing up. I wouldn't bother doing loads of home cooking, there's nothing more irritating than seeing food you've spent time and effort creating go to waste. Jars (apparently Hipp stuff if half price in Sainsbo's at the mo?), and cheap'n'easy things like beans on toast, cheese and tomato puree on toast, scrambled eggs, omelette, sandwiches. Maybe try something completely different like soup, I can give you a recipe for pea soup, easy to make and she can dunk toast into it and make a jolly old mess.

I also found doing the washing up the best thing to do if my daughter was being tricky, the less direct attention the better, eating with her at best made sod all difference, at worst was just her handing us her food! She could have a couple of little animals with her which sometimes helped. Moved her highchair into different positions so she had a different view. When she was a bit bigger and we'd had the booster seat out for another child she sometimes liked to sit there.

These days (she's just turned 2) if she's being slow or just saying no I read a book to her and if she stops eating I stop reading, which normally encourages another mouthful to go in - I wish I'd done this earlier, she loves her books.

It is so hard at the time, I absolutely hated mealtimes at one stage, but I could have handled it much better so it's great you're looking for ideas. Is there someone else (partner, grandma) who could do the odd meal here or there - my husband (because he didn't have to do it 3 times a day!) was much more relaxed, and also more creative than me, so he pretty much took over at weekends, and my mum could get her to eat pretty much anything (but we only see her once a fortnight or so).

One final though - is she still teething? My daughter, after a certain age, showed absolutely no obvious signs of teething (dribbling, red cheeks, chewing, and is pretty stoical about pain) and again, it was only in hindsight and when a tooth appeared that we though, ah yes, she's been a bit (more!) off her food, and maybe a bit waily.

Hope that some of this might help, I've got my fingers crossed for you!

[snowboarder]

Have been thinking - We really do use toys/books/tv alot - yeah prob really bad blah blah but anyway. They def helped when the 2yr old was little and he would let me pop stuff in his mouth fairly regularly if distracted by a couple of cars etc. Does occasionally get out of hand these days - came down to find him with a massive transporter lorry at breakfast the other day. Eating out/with others has never been a major success for me with either child.

I have a complete memory blank for what food was most succesful at this age with eldest - I do know by 14m-ish we had settled into some fairly reliable meals (and I really tried to make lunch 'good' so could relax for tea time!). Often things you might not necessarily feed at baby work - annabel Karmel's toddler offerings seemed more succesful - there's a potato pizza one I think that I still use and not too prep heavy if organised.

Umm...novelty plates/spoons/cups etc often go down well here. Again distract from the real issue at hand! 10m old is obsessed with drinking anything with a straw so smoothies in cups and a straw work. And fruit puree ice lollies.

[hellosailor]

thanks so much for your long reply oimissus,

I have actually already tried the boots angled cutlery to no avail but will keep trying her with them!

The list of easy foods you describe is pretty much the stuff I'm trying daily at the mo, having lost heart whipping up lengthier and more complicated / expensive recipes to be thrown on floor - so sandiwches, tomato puree and cheese on toast, scrambled egg etc are the things I'm doing, but if one day she has maximum one soldier of, say, tomato puree and cheese, every day thereafter throws it straight on the floor and won't even taste.

That's what I'm increasingly struggling with - having accepted that the days of hearty meat casseroles and fish pies, macaroni cheese etc, are over - at least for now - I assumed some of the failsafe basics like cheese sandiwich or pasta with grated cheese or scrambled egg would be ok to fall back on, but when they won't even eat those...you end up giving yoghurt and toast 3 times a day, sigh.

In answer to your question - hard to say if currently teething, not displaying any obvious symptoms tho..

Snowboarder I can't help but feel a pang of jealousy that eating an ellas pouch and a sandwich at a sitting is a bad meal at yours, I would barely be able to contain my excitement if she ate that now, hoho! Gives me hope tho.

I am perhaps going to go the toys, books, distraction route a bit and see if it helps or hinders as people have suggested, sure it's against every bit of parenting advice, but frankly if it makes her eat a sandwich I'll do a handstand while impersonating a horse.

[EmilyE]

Please can I come to see you doing a handstand while impersonating a horse?

I'll eat a sandwich...

[oimissus]

damn, I thought the angled cutlery might do the trick!

It's so bloody frustrating when they refuse to eat something that they've polished off no problem 24 hours previously. Do try the reading thing, I don't believe that something has to become a habit (my daughter doesn't demand a book at every meal, I just bring them out when I can see she's not tucking in), and what's wrong with reading to your child anyway!

I keep a food diary as well, more to ensure I'm not repeating myself too often, but you might find it useful. Also, maybe try different timings, I have moved mealtimes around as she's grown up, I moved lunchtime forward at one point as I felt she was too tired and cross to eat well, and more recently moved it back as her nap became later.

Another thing (sorry to be so bity, things keep occurring to me!), she will eat some things (like banana, say, or a clementine) as a snack when we're out and about in the park, but not sitting in her highchair. Presentation seems to matter with her, bloody hard to try and second guess though!

Try not to despair, (easier said than done when you're in 'the moment', I know), they can change their eating habits at the drop of a hat and that awful phase that seemed to last for ever will be a dim and distant memory - I was talking to a friend yesterday who has twins, aged 2 - the good eater is now the more picky one, and the one that was awful at the weaning stage is now pretty good. It's not you or your food.

[reren]

Just another idea for food that works well for my boy who when teething will go for long stretches hardly eating anything - porridge w some honey (tho I think you have to be a little careful w honey before 1) or banana has been our saviour - often has had it for dinner! Another really successful meal is crumpets w tomato pur?e and cheese melted on top or hummus. In fact hummus is a godsend - always worry the store bought stuff is too salty but chickpeas are such a good filling protein. I definitely would try getting someone else to feed her whenever poss ( weekend etc) and try and make meals as fun as possible - making the food an incidental part of it - try and see it as just a chance to mush food, wipe it all over the place and throw it around. Easier said then done but we have found having a laugh a mealtimes really helps.

[snowboarder]

HS - we are on the toast diet too now - just thought I'd share! Any light at the end of the tunnel?

[JS33]

Hello, hope things have miraculously turned around, but just wanted to offer sympathy if not. My daughter (now 3) went through quite a similar stage around that age. My discovery -- which unfortunately may be another way for you to waste more time making food destined to be hurled to the ground -- is that almost anything can be made into a pancake, and thus turned into finger food. Some pureed veg, sometimes mixed with some sort of cooked meat, also ground up, some egg, flour and baking powder (sorry, no proportions because I winged it every time), dropped about a tablespoon at a time onto an oiled pan. She ate nothing but these and yogurt for several weeks, then went back to eating normal food.

And I also agree that it might have something to do with teething. If you aren't against Calpol/Nurofen, you might try giving her a small amount about a half hour before meals to see if that does any good.

Best of luck!

[hellosailor]

Hi snowboarder! I can't report any particular light at the end of the tunnel here yet, mini sailor is now cutting back on milk as well as refusing spoon and most finger foods, so am at a bit of a loss, I literally have to offer her the same few foods at every meal now and just hope she'll have a few mouthfuls

Toast

cheese

Penne with grated cheese

fruit

Yoghurt

That's basically it, she sobbed with hunger this afternoon but still only had a few mouthfuls of food at tea and 3oz milk instead of 7oz at bedtime. soooo frustrating. Can't quite bear to give away the SIXTY pots of all the the home made favourites she used to snaffle which currently languish in our freezer but will have to soon....it's been like this for weeks so feel like the toast-only-diet is here to stay. Gaaaaaaah! Trying to keep a sense of humour about it but not feeling too buoyant about it today, I wouldn't mind that she had become an overnight spoon refuser if she was more interested in finger foods, but she just isn't, and yet she is clearly very upset and hungry at times having refused food! Doh!

[hellosailor]

Thanks js33, will try pancakes tomorrow! Did actually order her pancakes in BLue Mountain earlier this week but... Surprise surprise she didn't want them! will try again tomorrow cos they are a really good idea

I'm hoping teething may have a part to play, certainly in the milk reduction if not the overnight change in eating habits, though the eating stuff has been weeks now without any variance so guess likely to be developmental rather than teeth, but one can always hope!

[sophiechristophy]

If it is teething related, I sometimes find that offering something frozen first can help, once my daughters chewed through the frozen thing, she can then face something else. These innocent tubes are good, if you stick them in the freezer:

hthttp://www.innocentdrinks.co.uk/things_we_make/fruit-tubes/

[hellosailor]

Thanks Sophie, will try!

[Inkmaiden]

Have you tried removing the emphasis on structured "mealtimes"? When Inkspawn is going through a food refusal phase, I rarely even bother to make lunch but offer a kind of rolling snack service while we're out and about (quite literally when she's in the buggy). She grazes on Ella's pouches, cucumber, bread and butter, fruit, biscuits, corn fritters and suchlike. It's not ideal if a routine mealtime structure is important to you but she eats far more this way and then I only have one barely eaten meal to compost at the end of the day, which is far more bearable.

[Inkmaiden]

Also, I suspect that all the turmoil in their mouths when teething can make food taste funny so really plain food seems to be a better bet.

[sophiechristophy]

Good advice Inkmaiden - rolling snacks are great, especially in the afternoon I find, just bits here and there.