Am I being paranoid worrying about this?

[Ole]

Today I picked up my son from nursery and he very clearly did not want to come home. He completely ignored me when I arrived, resisted putting on his coat, clung to the nursery gates, tried to pull me back toward the nursery and cried throughout the walk home! What is going on?? It is usually my husband who picks him up from nursery in the afternoons and he has told me that although usually he is not quite so extreme as he was with me today, he also has to cajole him into putting on his coat and going home!

This may be a stupid thing to worry about and it is probably one of those phases, but it kind of breaks my heart, and makes me wonder what is going on?! It is great to know he is so settled at nursery and having fun, but does he have to make such an obvious point of it? None of the other kids at his nursery seem to put up any resistance to going home. Not so long ago he would rush to my arms when I arrived at the nursery. Am I silly in worrying about this and is it just a phase? He only goes to nursery 2 days a week 9-5pm and the rest of the week I am with him and we always have a great time together. Anybody else in a similar situation?

[Fuschia]

Some children find it very hard to transition from one activity to another, you will see them not wanting to leave home, and then refusing to leave the park at the end of the afternoon, that sort of thing.

Do you always do the same things when you collect him? Perhaps make up some stories or little songs you can weave into his life that will help him switch tracks, as it were

When my twins at one time were reluctant to get ready for nursery we use to sing

It's nursery today, it's nursery today

Ee I audio it's nursery today

We're going to go and play, we're going to go and play...

That sort of thing

Have you seen th sing Amd sign DVD?

Good song

We're putting on our shoes, we're putting on our shoes

We're putting on our coats...

Thy sort of thing

[Fuschia]

I am a rubbish singer but hAve yet to find a situation where a little song isn't help with difficult moments

[SBot]

Maybe stay and play with him for 5 minutes or so before you take him home.

Maybe the staff could let him know that mummy will be here soon, nearly time to go home etc.

When you drop him off, tell him you'll bring him his teddy/book/toy train with you when you pick him up.

Just a few ideas.

[Lochie]

Hi ole,

My son is also in nursery 2 days a week 9-5.My mum is a reception and nursery teacher. She is very close to my 2.5 year old son so often reassures me when his behaviour upsets me as she has seen it all before!

What you describe is really not unusual I don't think. My son was so enraged at my collecting him from nursery the other day it was virtually impossible for me to put him in his car seat mid tantrum. My mum says she sees it a lot ( perhaps though more in slightly older kids) - they can behave great all day then are stroppy and tantrumy when mum or dad collects them. Not sure why but probably because you are their nearest and dearest and they know they can push the boundaries whereas that kind of behaviour wouldn't be tolerated by their nursery carers? Often for me it happens when my son is overtired from an action packed day at nursery.

I have started to take a bottle of milk with me when I collect my son to sooth on the journey home. I'm hoping it's just a phase too as it's very wearing.

Good luck am sure it will pass and is only because he loves you so much

[minder]

Ole - how old is your child? Maybe it's the 2 day a week thing. You say that on the other days you have a great time together. Sometimes it takes a while for young children to settle into another environment.

Then again, I have yet to see a child NOT display this sort of behaviour on collection time by their parent, even though they have had a fantastic day with their carer/nursery.

It's all about transition stages.

[Polly D]

Hi Ole

4 days a week I drop my 3 year old off at nursery at 8am and he cries, clings to me, asks me to stay, breaks my heart. Every day I pick him up at 6pm, he looks up from his busy playing and says he's not coming home, a bit heartbreaking.

Not paranoid, just sensitive, me too, what can we do?

I put it down to normal toddler behaviour and feelings and try not to be upset by it. Sometimes in the morning it makes me cry, other times at 6pm after a long day I feel so irritated.

I usually try to bring something with him to nursery to take his mind off me leaving, and he gets loads of lovely encouragement fom nursery staff but basically his default is crying. Then I tempt him home with the idea of something exciting: a bus journey home, or a snack or something.

X

[crystal7]

Ooh this sounds very familiar! My 3 yr old has been doing this for about a year. I have had to wrestle her into the buggy and walk home with her screaming "take me back. Having a snack or a book to read helps. When my daughter was with a childninder I used to text when I was 10 min away so when I got there she'd be in her coat and prepared etc. Now she's a nursery its more difficult especially when I turn up mud activity. It is really challenging as like Polly D's son she cries and hangs,onto my leg each morning! I find it reassuring in some ways, she is clearly having fun...

[Ole]

Well, I am glad it is not just me! He is 2 years 3 months. In the mornings when I drop him off he gives me a kiss, says a brief byebye and turns away to start playing, clearly not bovvered! Thanks for the replies, made me feel a bit more relaxed about it, he is clearly having lots of fun at nursery!

[Ondine]

Fuschia Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I am a rubbish singer but hAve yet to find a

> situation where a little song isn't help with

> difficult moments

This made me laugh. My boss was giving me advice on coping with teenagers and she said threatening to sing in public works miracles!!

[Fuschia]

Lol

Yes, my nine year old is mortified if I make up little silly songs as we walk down the road...

[MGolden]

Ondine Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Fuschia Wrote:

> --------------------------------------------------

> -----

> > I am a rubbish singer but hAve yet to find a

> > situation where a little song isn't help with

> > difficult moments

>

>

> This made me laugh. My boss was giving me advice

> on coping with teenagers and she said threatening

> to sing in public works miracles!!

When mine were little we had songs for every situation - bath time, teeth brushing, bottom wiping etc etc. Now they're older I find threatening to kiss them in public does the trick.

[MadDad39]

Can't understand why everyone is paranoid about this concept. If one child loves his mum more than the father

I don't see a problem is the childs decision and if their parents split.

Children are not force to stay. We should not see this as a big issue unless his father doesn't want to have

his child with him is a diffrent matter.

[Ole]

Hi MadDad, I think you misunderstood my post - my husband and I are not separated, we just share the drop/off pick up from nursery responsibility. Actually, today my husband is back from work early so we are both going to pick him up - I wonder if he will run away from both of us today, ha ha!