recovery from traumatic (instrumental) birth?

[midivydale]

Anyone has any experience to share? Physical as well as emotional?

Please pm me.many thanks

[midivydale]

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[MothersInc]

Hello,

The actual birth of my first child was fine, it was just what came after as they left part of the placenta in which ended up being a horrid and traumatic experience.

I will PM you. Hope you are ok xxx

[hpsaucey]

Are we talking forceps and the potential physical affects on Mum and baby?

[midivydale]

Hpsaucey - Indeed we are.

Thank you for all your lovely PM's. I decided to bump this post 11 months on as things still are not back to normal. I then deleated it as it all felt so private. Not easy to talk about these things- even when protected by cyberspace:)

Thank you all for advice.

Any physio/consultant recommendations would be gratefuly received.

X

[pommie]

MothersInc

I had exactly the same with my first. I ended up having to go back for a scan for them to tell me that there was still some placenta left and that it would gradually move its way out on its own. That was after a forceps delivery

[Saffron]

Don't feel you need to hide it if you don't want to. Wear your feelings with pride (even the negative ones)! You made an incredible sacrifice of yourself physically and emotionally to bring your child into the world!!

My birth experience with Little Saff was fine, but the early weeks and months following it were awful. It was a storm in a tea cup as multiple unrelated health problems rebounded and got mixed up with breastfeeding complications and postpartum depression, all of which my NHS health consultants failed to diagnose accurately. This left me questioning the legitimacy of my problems, then finally seeking private medical consultations. Eventually I changed NHS providers, and my new doctors have been excellent. Getting the right treatment and support is so essential for your mental and physical health.

Sometimes when people ask about my "baby moon" experience, I have to say how awful it was for months on end. When I talk about my postpartum depression, it's like their eyes glaze over. They don't want to hear it if you don't have something nice and lovey-dovey to say. I've tried very hard not to let other people's ignorance get me down. I don't think women should ever be made to feel ashamed or like they can't talk about the incredible sacrifices they've made for their children.

There's a current disdain for instrumental births, but when they were invented forceps were a miracle of modern science. They saved babies' (and probably mothers') lives in a way that no other birthing intervention ever had until that point. I'd hazard a guess that they're only eclipsed in their usefulness by the relatively recent advent of safe c-sections. Having endured a forceps delivery is an incredible sacrifice to have made for your family. Wear it with pride. xx

[Monkey]

Jenni Hird at Six Physio (Monument) is truly excellent. Can't recommend her enough.

[MothersInc]

Totally agree with you Saffron, absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. It?s definitely better to talk about these things.

Oh Pommie, it was a horrid experience! Without getting too graphic, every time I started breastfeeding, I had horrible gushes so had to be rushed to a different hospital where they operated, only to find part of the placenta had been left. That experience really put me off getting pregnant again but eventually went on to have another. The poor midwife, think I asked 1000 times about the placenta!

Midivydale, you should be proud of yourself for taking steps to get help xx

[Bouncy]

Agree with Saffron and MothersInc - don't feel that you shouldn't be open (or as open as you're comfortable being) about these things - you should be proud of yourself that you've had the courage to post about it. So many people (including me) have / had a horrible time around birth / in the first year; let's not pretend it's all perfect and baby-moony!!

[Gooders79]

It's all such a personal experience in many ways, I realise now the needing to share birth stories was actually part of my own debrief and comi to terms with what happened... In many ways my birth experience wasn't that horrific compared to many but post delivery lo was whipped to scbu for a couple of hours. I found all through his first birthday I had flashbacks which really surprised me. So many people were talking of the celebration of a first year and it felt so abstract to me.

Emotionally I feel like I've adjusted quite well but continue to suffer physical side effects of an assisted delivery, the women's health physio team at st Thomas's are excellent in my experience and can be accessed via heir URL gynae consultants, your GP can refer you directly into them, once I persuaded GP to do this I was seen quite quickly.

[WorkingMummy]

I had no instruments but tore v badly and had a LOT of stitches after my first. And physically and emotionally it complicated everything in a way I could not appreciate then (cos no comparison). When I gave birth second time,with no injury, I could not believe how much easier it was. But back then, after no 1, I remember health visitor screening me for PND and me making up the right answers because I did not want people interfering. Why, I don't know, but I didn't. I remember the HV saying (whilst screening me) "motherhood should be a joy". And I felt so crappy and bad because right then it was no joy. I was overwhelmed: I was overwhelmed with with love - but definitely overwhelmed. Plus I could still hardly walk and was doubly incontinent.

In the past four years I have gone through periods of what might be called depression. I've also had two more babies. But I have come to see these down/low energy times not as something medical or something wrong, just a natural, necessary tuning down of myself for a little while, being quiet, taking a break, having a rest.

Plus, sorry if TMI, but after no 1 I could not do a number 2 for about a year without screaming. That s-u-c-k-ed!!!

[SBot]

Hi Gooders, I had horrific flash backs on my daughters first birthday!! I was crying hysterically and remembered tiny details about my delivery experience!

Basically, laboured for 26 hrs, fully dilated, pushedfor 45 mins, blood samples taken from baby's head whilst she was in me, run to theatre, failed ventouse which resulted in torn labia ( apologies for detail here) and then an emergency c section!!! But yes I old do it all again, though would think a lot about wether to plan a section or just give it a go, baby had a very large head........then strep b which meant a week in hospital and antibiotics for a week for baby.....

[midivydale]

Sbot, I had a v similar story. Induction 3 days(!) after my waters broke (no beds). Then after a bloodsample from babys head along with drop in heart rate resulted in rush to theatre for a c-section. Only it was too late so it was a foreceps delivery in the end. Baby was fine, I was traumatised to the core and lost alot of blood. Followed by a week(!!) on the postnatal ward for group B strep treatment. That week alone was enough to send anyone over the edge I think. This was followed by toungetie & severe reflux/allergies.

Anyway- I have been getting treatment for PTSD and PND and doing v well it is just that recently I am getting more and more flashbacks from the birth and I find myself with alot of questions.

Perhaps it is because we are approaching the 1yr mark or because instrumental deliveries have been getting alot of coverage lately- I dont know. Or perhaps it is because I am tentatively contemplating number two...

I feel abit silly as ultimately my truly amazing baby boy is fine.

I think I am also realising that I need some help physically. I am realising that things wont just go back to normal.

[SBot]

Hi midivydale, very similar hey, my daughter is now 2yrs 7m. I only had the flashbacks around her first birthday, when she turned two I was ready for a repeat but nothing, a joyous time. I probably do think about my experience each day, mostly when I shower and see the scar! Cannot watch one born every minute, makes me feel sick! We are thinking about another and I have no worries about birth second time around. Don't think it could be much worse! Toss up between planned section or just going for it.

I would say it does get easier especially as you say you have a truly amazing boy!

Added to my experience, pre baby I was a competitive swimmer, world level, and following the section I have been unable to swim in the same way, butterfly as you can imagine is not the same. I think I struggled to cope with my swimming career being over, I tried 3 times to get back into it but its definetly over! I have accepted that that was before and the now is now! I wouldn't change what I have now.

Xxx

[Bouncy]

WorkingMummy - I remember making up the right answers too! - because I had it in my head that there was nothing that could be done anyway - I had a screaming refluxy baby, so counselling was out (I was scared they'd make me leave him to go for it, I think?!), and I had the idea also that they'd try to put me on pills which I'd get hooked on and which would interfer with breastfeeding. No idea of any of that was accurate, but that was what was going through my head! I like your take on things that you just have to somwhow embrace and roll with the downs (if that's what you're saying?)

Midivydale - no wonder what you've been through takes a lot of processing. And tying in rather clumsily with Sbot's point (it must be so hard to give up something you were so comitted to) and yours about things not going back to normal - one thing that I've found has really helped me is that I'm doing something totally different career-wise now to my pre-baby job. It helps the new normal be better, if that makes sense? (appreciate obviously things may be a lot more complicated for you, Sbot, as it's not an active choice you've made yourself?) In that my old life has gone, but I'm making positive choices about what I'm doing with my new life, and my family. It doesn't directly address the birth / early baby experience, but somehow makes the whole post-baby world better. I have no idea of that makes any sense...

[midivydale]

Bouncy- that makes perfect sense! I think one of the reasons my anxity is coming back somewhat is that I am due back at work soon. Somehow I had this vision that maternity leave would last forever.

Also of course I am anxious about managing some of my physical problems from birth when I am work. I work in the city v male dominated environment so not at all a supportive environment for a bruised, emotional returning mother...

X

[WorkingMummy]

Midivydale going back is really, really scary and emotional. That is so normal.

I work in the law. When I went back after no 1 this giant of a woman in my field (the kind of successful woman who men say is really a man), who had two kids about 20 years ago, came to see me in my office. She said, in her booming voice, "Yes, and do you feel like you are about to burst into tears the WHOLE time?" I nodded mutely. "Yes," she said, "Completely normal." Just about the most reassuring thing anyone has ever said to me.

Yes bouncer I do just try to go with it. Not wallow in it. Just accept it, not fight it, not judge myself, just trust it will pass and take good care of myself until it does.

[Bouncy]

Midivydale, do you mind if I ask - do you have to / want to go back to that particular job? Do you have any other options? x

[midivydale]

Oh Bouncy I dont mind you asking at all. I wish I did have other options, but no sadly that is not the case.

Workingmummy- thank you! I am sure it will be well in the end. It is just sad - end of an era I suppose.

Also- as this year has been so so tough on every level and I have just started to heal and enjoy motherhood I dont feel ready emotionaly or physically to return to that kind of environment.

[WorkingMummy]

Well, I really know that sense of dread and I don't have a magic solution. Leaving my baby when I first went back, I suddenly understood how sheep must feel when separated from their lambs. But you do adjust. And what makes it easier is seeing for yourself as time goes by how nothing, and I mean nothing, not work for sure, is going to break your bond with your child. Nothing will ever threaten your special position as your child 's mummy. It will not feel like that at first, but it's true.

One thing I have found really helpful is to discipline myself to take, not just a day at a time, but like, an hour or even less at a time. If I thought of everything I had to do in a day when I woke up, I'd be overwhelmed. So easier said than done, but I've got in the habit of getting up and thinking, "ok, get dressed. Don't think about anything else." Then, "now the kids, get them up and fed, that is all I am doing now until 7.45! Forget the rest." Then when I leave the house, i think, "now all i have to do is kiss them goidbye and walk out the door" Then, I just concentrate on my journey. At work, I decide the order in which I'm going to tackle my assignments, and I do it one st a time. And I don't worry about whether I am going to get them all done until the end of the day, and then I inform whomever needs to know if I'm behind with stuff. Then I leave work and stop thinking about it and I don't think about it until I next log back on. And if that means my work is less than perfect, fine. That's how it is.

Also, you may be surprised how many unreconstructed alpha males will run a mile/bend over backwards to avoid being non-pc, provided you are clear about your limits and about any reasonable accommodation you need.

If they are not, pm me and I'll send you the details of a great employment lawyer. But really, I doubt you'll need it. Just remember you are a hero, you are doing something they will never be called on to do. Do not be afraid to tell your employer what you need and why.

Good luck! WM x

[caz6868]

midivydale,i don;t no where to start...well i had 1st baby via emergency caeser after 36hrs labour.when my baby was 6 weeks old i was exhausted ,no sleep and so forth...little bit emotional..my mums eldest sister was slipping away with cancer.it was all abit crazy...then at my 6 week check up i was told i had a rare ovarian cancer and needed a full hysterectomy..i was in shock..my poor mother ..to lose her sister and then her daughter.well anyway during my chemotherapy and all other madness. i met some fantastic strong women..who i only had there friendship for a little while,they inspired me..some days i laughed a lot and some days i cried a lot.just before my hysterectomy op i found out i was pregnant again and was told that if i carried the child i would not make it.i was young and thought i was gonna pop my clogs anyway and decided to go for it because i wanted my son to have a sibling.well after second caeser a little girl i was told that it was a wrong diagonsis..never mind i am still here and have had 5 caesers all together.just had a baby 11 months ago at 44yrs old...everyones pain is real.my ma as always told me you have to cry a little and laugh a little.one day at a time,we have to have low times to appreciate the good ones.xx