ADHD

[Belle]

Thanks all! and Helena am so glad you caught this! yes do Pm, interested to hear. Thanks too for all the PMs which are so much appreciated and w hich I'll reply to!

Saffron - no, not raised it with a GP yet - am about to change practice so guess will do after we do that. Am not particularly keen to rush towards diagnosis or medication but like you say I just need to find ways of helping him (and us!) cope. One of the things that's prompted me to revisit this thread is that in quick succession my mum, brother and mother in law (who all see him with varying regularity and have different views generally on his behaviour) each raised his behaviour, and his impulsiveness, particularly in the context of danger. e.g. on holiday when paddling with his grandma he suddenly just bolted into the sea, got swept over by a huge wave, plunged underwater and was completely drenched, not to mention terrified. At 4.5 I just wouldn't expect him to be doing things like that somehow.

Reading through the PMs people have sent me has been so reassuring and helpful, just knowing that there are plenty people out there who've experienced the same thing and it's not necessarily just a badly brought up child (which is how I can feel at times!).

helena/fapl you raise interesting points about what is normal, and also the bearing school/preschool can have. To be honest as t his is ED we just felt v lucky to get a place in a nearby school, which we are v happy with, and I'd sort of been h oping/assuming that starting reception might be the making of him, in the same way that school nursery for the better part of a year has been really positive. But maybe that was a bit naive, and I should talk to his teacher about our concerns, once we're assigned one. I will also ask his nursery teachers about it. And thanks too for all the info re Sunshine House, I will definitely seek a referral there.

[Mens]

I was googling this and looking on the forum a few months ago. I was sure my middle child had ADHD

I came across something called Dabrowski's excitabilities and for the first time felt as if I understood her and found strategies to deal with her!! google is, it might fit your son too.

I work with alot of ADHD kids and they are all very different (some need medication, others need behavioural strategies put in place). One thing I will say, whilst they drive their parents and teachers up the wall their peers absolutely love them.

[WorkingMummy]

To anyone who doesn't whole heatedly believe in the diagnosis of ADHD, or just wants to take a look at the alternatives, a useful resource might be www.wildestcolts.com

You do not have to buy into Prof John Breeding's whole nine yards of "western psychiatric pharmacology is oppression" (I don't) to find his approach to highly spirited and unusual children very helpful.

To me, his website (and his book, Wildest Colts Make the Best Horses) was a godsend and really transformed the way I thought about my parenting and my relationship with my oldest child.

[alice]

there is a sadness and/or anger with adhd that is not present with what has been described above as ''highly spirited children'

[WorkingMummy]

He talks a lot about anger. Best bits from my POV.

[bawdy-nan]

Hello

reluctant to post details on here but I would wholeheartedly agree with Helena. However "good" a school appears to be don't exclude the fact that it might be that environment that is causing or exacerbating the "problem".

We had an absolutely horrific experience over a number of years at one particular school. One that I couldn't bear for another child or family to go through and, if asked, I would urge any family with a child with any "unusual" qualities at all absolutely not to attend the school.

We moved to a different school and the changes were astonishing. Same child. Same difficulties. Utterly different attitude and approach and a transformation of all our lives.

We've done all manner of tests and assessments and diagnoses given and reversed. Our child is still the same child. Just getting older (and lovlier) and wiser and better at being in the world.

As a parent you need to have a partnership with the people supposedly qualified to educate your children but they aren't always right. Its hard to know this when you're in the middle of it all mostly because it would be insane to assume you always know best. We were lucky to have wise and persistent CAMHS and Ed Psych support who helped us keep a steady course through the whole horror. I listened to them because they seemed informed and thoughtful and backed up their conclusions with evidence rather than posturing "I reckon", blind assertion and moral panic.

In terms of what we do at home - we're clear in our instructions, stick to our guns, keep a tight bedtime routine, have slowly taught strategies for recognising and managing potentially difficult over-excitedness, love and let them know we love (and like).

Broad theme: things can get better.

[SarahG]

Interesting mini-article about ADHD

http://m.psychologytoday.com/blog/suffer-the-children/201203/why-french-kids-dont-have-adhd

[Saffron]

Marilyn Wedge (in the link) makes some valid points about social context in respect to diagnosis and treatment. But what's her point at the end of impling that attachment-style parenting is related to ADHD?

[SarahG]

Got no idea! It was sent on to me by a friend of mine who thought I'd find it interesting (which I did) but I didn't reach a conclusion to what I thought to it tbh. I did buy the book 'why French kids don't throw food' though, which I've been really enjoying.

[midivydale]

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[Belle]

Hello, I started this thread, and found all the posts really helpful. Actually, my son is in Year 1 now and none of his teachers etc have ever felt he has a particular behavioural problem, though they recognise some of the challenges we describe - concentration issues etc. I have found school in general a very reassuring experience in that I've become more aware of the full spectrum of behaviour, and felt a bit less anxious about his. I'm not ruling out that this or other behavioural diagnoses may come up again in the future but just wanted to give you a bit of a 'two years later' perspective.

Re your own little boy, he is SO little still! I wonder if there's something that's getting lost in translation - though he sounds v articulate for his age - I know my own 3 yr old would give me a garbled version of something like this, so you are best speaking directly to the staff. Have they given you much feedback? Being two years on from first posting this, and having a second, equally spirited son, I am now a lot more circumspect about this whole issue and tend to think that concern in this issue is less the child and more the way carers (I mean nursery, not you here!) are handling them.

My oldest is nearly 6 and still has a major issue listening, about which his teacher is pretty unconcerned (although I am sure it is frustrating - it certainly is for us). I can't believe the staff at a nursery would expect a 2 year old to listen very much?? If they do, it's worth discussing this with them. I have recently moved my youngest out of his nursery, partly because they were raising concerns about concentration which I just felt were inappropriate at this young age. However, I was lucky in that the nursery wasn't our main childcare, and our childminder is very flexible, so this hasn't been disruptive. Do you fancy coffee next week to catch up??

[buggie]

Am sure the staff at nursery would be happy to discuss this & am sure they'd offer you some reassurance.

As Belle said, he's still v v young & remember, if there was anything especially worrying they'd be approaching you.

Between 2.5yrs & 3yrs there's huge leaps in the way kids process things & boundaries do get tested as their realising that they don't automatically have to do everything their asked when their asked to do it.

Communication & consistency with nursery (as well as lots of praise when he is good) is the key xx

[midivydale]

Yes please to coffee, thanks belle x