Is this what we call a good NANNY ???

[On lookout]

I have seen a nanny looking after two children around the East Dulwich area one is a baby and the other around 3/4 years of age. Whenever I see this nanny she never looks happy and fails to show much affection to the children and her discipline methods seem a little regimental.

A few weeks ago whilst I was in Dulwich park, I saw this nanny pushing her charge away when the little girl wanted a cuddle.

This may well have been a case of the nanny having a day or the child misbehaving but at what point is classed as over stepping the mark?

I am returning back to work in a few months time and we will be needing a nanny but my worry is, will that be my child while I am at work.

I welcome the opinions of nannies and parents please.

Onthelookout

[Ruth_Baldock]

Jesus Wept. Sigh. How do you know she's a nanny? Why do nannies get SUCH a bad press? Everyone I've ever met has genuinely cared about their charges and has been loving, thoughtful and generally fantastic.

[On lookout]

I knew she was a nanny because the older child was calling her by name.

I might add the title of this subject was 'is this what we call a good nanny' therefor I am not taring every nanny with the same brush. There are many others I have seen which do a great loving and caring for the child/children.

[Ruth_Baldock]

My son often calls me Ruth, not Mum. Dunno why, it's just one of his things.

I understand your concern, I think. My advice would be to interview as many potential nannies as you can and go by your gut feeling. I was meant to go back to work in September, when my two would have been 2y10mo and 14mo, but whilst all the nannies we interviewed had excellent references and were no doubt caring, experienced and lovely, I couldn't find one on my wavelength, and knew I wouldn't be 100% happy returning to work until I could find thr perfect match. So I'm not going back. Poverty, here we come...

[Inkmaiden]

Oh good, it's been a while since there was a really juicy nanny-bashing thread. *settles down with popcorn*.

[sunbob]

Sometimes 3 year olds need a bit of encouragement to leave the playground/go to the next activity/do as they are told. They may use 'wanting a cuddle/needing a lift up etc' to delay/try to be in charge etc. A non-smiling woman pushing baby out of playground hoping mischievious toddler will follow (after half an hour trying to persuade her its home time) sounds like me on many a day. In fact, thinking about it, I'm sure a professional would have better tactics for dealing with this and get far less stressed/miserable about it!

[On lookout]

I assure this was not posted to be a nanny bashing topic. It was simpley pointing out the actions of an individual.

[Saffron]

Urgh, if that's the nanny, what are the parents like?

Sounds like she might not have much training in childcare. Maybe she is a neighbour or relative, not really trained for the role, if you see what I mean? Personally, I'd hope that if I were paying someone with a background in childcare/child development to care for child, then I'd expect her to actually care for my child.

The caveat is that you need to be very clear with your nanny about what you expect. Maybe what you observed is the discipline or interaction that the parents consider normal or acceptable. It's not the way I'd expect for our family, but everyone's different.

We did have one temporary nanny who didn't integrate well into our family. She was a caring, thoughtful person, but she prioritised differently than we do. Specifically, she was leaving my daughter to cry herself to sleep for naps, b/c she prioritised sleep over crying. That's not the way I was doing it, so we quickly had to come to a different arrangement, as her method rapidly resulted in a heap of night time sleep problems for us.

I just offer it as an example of how a caring, well-meaning person can be doing the wrong thing for your family without really realising it. So, when you're looking for a nanny, you need to be clear with him/her from the beginning what style of parenting suits your family.

Have you thought about speaking in a friendly way to the women you saw, to find out what her situation is? Maybe you're just generally catching them at a bad time of day. I know it happens with me and Little Saff too sometimes.

[amydown]

If she really is a nanny, definitely not a good one. I agree with Ruth. You have to meet as many as possible and go with your gut feeling. As in every job, you get good ones and you get bad ones. We have a wonderful nanny that I got to know very well during my maternity leave so that could be an option to consider? I.e. starting with your nanny on a par time basis before returning to work.

I have seen awful nannies but equally some wonderful ones in te parks, play groups etc. If you find the right person, it can be an amazing childcare option so please don't rule it out just yet.

[On lookout]

She was nowhere near the playground, nor trying to leave the park.

[amydown]

My post crossed with Saffron's and agree that it's not jus the personality and caring nature to think about but also parenting and childcare methods and beliefs should be discussed upfront.

Unfortunately, not all the nannies seem to have childcare education or qualifications. I have met quite a few that just fallen into the job so it's worth keeping that in mind.

[Saffron]

amydown Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> My post crossed with Saffron's and agree that it's

> not jus the personality and caring nature to think

> about but also parenting and childcare methods and

> beliefs should be discussed upfront.

>

> Unfortunately, not all the nannies seem to have

> childcare education or qualifications. I have met

> quite a few that just fallen into the job so it's

> worth keeping that in mind.

Which is not of course to say that someone with no qualifications can't be great with kids, but I think we'd all agree that someone with a qualification definitely should be living up to it!

[Ruth_Baldock]

Two of the best nannies I have ever come across just fell into tne job, fwiw. For

me, experience comes above qualifications, but thats just my preference.

People often mistake me for a nanny, I find it amusing. Aint no one PAYING me to wrestle with these two rugrats! *grumble*

[Saffron]

Ruth_Baldock Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Two of the best nannies I have ever come across

> just fell into tne job, fwiw. For

> me, experience comes above qualifications, but

> thats just my preference.

>

> People often mistake me for a nanny, I find it

> amusing. Aint no one PAYING me to wrestle with

> these two rugrats! *grumble*

I'm starting work in Sept... add my rugrat to your collection?

[amydown]

Yup! Agreed.

Saffron Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> amydown Wrote:

> --------------------------------------------------

> -----

> > My post crossed with Saffron's and agree that

> it's

> > not jus the personality and caring nature to

> think

> > about but also parenting and childcare methods

> and

> > beliefs should be discussed upfront.

> >

> > Unfortunately, not all the nannies seem to have

> > childcare education or qualifications. I have

> met

> > quite a few that just fallen into the job so

> it's

> > worth keeping that in mind.

>

>

> Which is not of course to say that someone with no

> qualifications can't be great with kids, but I

> think we'd all agree that someone with a

> qualification definitely should be living up to

> it!

[Ruth_Baldock]

Yeah, go on, might as well get rid of my last scrap of sanity.

[Inkmaiden]

On lookout wrote :

"I assure this was not posted to be a nanny bashing topic. It was simpley pointing out the actions of an individual."

An individual who happens to be a nanny. Behaving in a way you don't approve of. With a request for others' opinions on her behaviour and with a thread title specifically asking what "we" think about this. So it's not nanny-bashing, it's just singling out an individual you know nothing about and having a go anonymously on a public forum. That's ok then.

Finding the right nanny for you and your child can be a stressful process- by all means start a thread asking for advice on how to find the right nanny so that you can go to work feeling secure in the knowledge that you've left your child in the best care. Starting the discussion with a personal attack on someone who isn't being given the opportunity to defend herself is not cool.

[Saffron]

Ruth_Baldock Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Yeah, go on, might as well get rid of my last

> scrap of sanity.

Yes, maybe that's what happened to the poor woman onthelookout saw? Child-induced loss of sanity!

[On lookout]

Ouch!! Have a touched a raw nerve? Many you are that nanny.

[Ruth_Baldock]

I can ASSURE you, 110% that Inkmaiden was not that nanny. It was probably me. Can't stand kids, grumble grumble. *bah humbug*

[Inkmaiden]

Nope, not me. I just think there are more mature ways to start off a discussion on what is already such an emotive topic.

[On lookout]

As my original message stated I have seen this nanny on a few occasions in different places, which is why I said whenever I see her she always looks unhappy.

[Bellenden Belle]

Don't feed the troll....

[Inkmaiden]

Gah!

[On lookout]

Speaking of maturity your response was a little catty. My posting was not to attack, it was highlighting something I have witnessed on a few occasions. I will also point out that I said I am returning to work and will be needing a nanny for our son. I did not indicate that this nanny has put me off going back to work or choosing a nursery over a nanny.