Another sleep issue...

[Tamla]

Hi

My 21 month old son is a good sleeper BUT... He falls asleep stroking my arm! Then at around 1am he wakes up for a cuddle and prefers to climb into bed with me for the rest of the night (who wouldn't);)

Im moving in a couple of weeks so he will have his own room and I would like to get to the point that he a. goes to sleep without needing to stroke my arm and b. stays in his own room.

Advice? Please no lectures on accidental parenting etc.

Thanks

Tam

[scareyt]

I found the ideas in the No Cry Sleep Solution book useful for getting baby to fall asleep by himself which made a big difference to night wakings. The gist is that it doesn't have to be an all or nothing change, you can do it gradually & stay there the whole time but you are aiming to persuade them to fall asleep without your help.

We went from feeding to sleep very single night to baby falling asleep happily by himself using that book and it wasn't too traumatic. There was some crying but it was kind of complaining crying rather than heartbreaking screaming. It did take a few nights of being mentally prepared for a long hard slog though.

[Saffron]

I thought the No Cry Sleep Solution was a brilliant book, but we couldn't make any of the strategies "stick" over the longterm, although I did have some success with behavioural fades (aka gradual withdrawal strategy) from another baby sleep book (Good Sleep Guide, or something like that... can't rem, b/c lack of sleep has wrecked my memory!!). Some children are just harder to put to bed and have a more difficult time sleeping on their own from what I can tell.

Tamla, my toddler sounds similar. She is 2.5 yrs and rarely falls asleep on her own. People can shake their heads smuggly all they want, but I did not accidentally parent her this way. This is the way nature programmed her. She came to me like this, and I've done a bloody good job with a very difficult little sleeper!

We're going to have a crack at another behavioural fade soon I think. Right now she sleeps on a small double fouton in her own room. She sleeps through the night if I sleep next to her, but wakes in tears around 3am if I'm not there. I've suspected for a long time that she has nighttime separation anxiety, despite being very independent during the day. She's also teething again, which makes it all much harder. (Geez this parenting thing is really tough! ;-) )

Anthropologically, I understand that between 2-4 yrs, you're out of the infant sleep styles and on the cusp of another big sleep shift. So, strategies that worked for babies would need some tweaking for older toddlers? Can anyone recommend some books for gentle sleep strategies in olders toddlers and children?

[AnyaJoeli]

I hate the accidental parenting prejudice as well...my little one is nearly a year and he isn't a good sleeper, never has been. Now I can just about get him to stay in his cot until about 3am but usually end up sleeping with him on a futon un his room after that...sometimes keeping him in his cot involves me squidging my head against his cot so he can hold onto my hair as he falls asleep. Not sure how we're going to get out of it but I have the No Cry Sleep Solution and need to put some of those ideas into practice. It;s all about facing those nights where you know you'll get no sleep isn't it.

I ended up seeing a development paediatrician at sunshine house in peckham the other day, and after lots of tests she declared that he was "normal" and that I should just try controlled crying...sigh....

[Saffron]

When my daughter was just over a year old, she was on the brink of climbing out of the cotbed. We sold it and bought a small double fouton for her room. Now I sleep next to her most nights, and she sleeps much better (and so do I).

My only real problem with this arrangement is other people's negative perception of it.

Controlled crying is definitely not the route for me. Anything that involves crying at night has always ended up having massive knock-on effects on Little Saff's daytime behaviour. Indeed cc/cio techniques would not be recommended for children with nighttime separation anxiety. I'd personally be very annoyed if a paed or other healthcare worker suggested it! Even when Dr Christopher Green first put cc to the test, he made it very clear that this was a technique of last resort, so it should never IMO be suggested as a solution until other avenues have failed.

I've been talking a lot to Little Saff about becoming a big girl and getting a big girl bed. We might buy her a lovely single bed and new blankets, then try some of the behavioural fade work again.

Just to debunk some myths, here are things that did not make her sleep better:

-Formula in the evening

-Stopping b/fing at night

-Putting her in her own room