DVIS parenting course upset my partner

[RT77]

My partner attended to the 2-day parenting course a couple of weeks ago, she was hoping to get some help with her younger child. She's a very committed mother to her children, but the young one is a handfull and what worked for the others doesn't seem to work with him.

I really don't know what they teach people in these parenting courses and I'm not a parent myself but whatever happened hurt and upset her a lot. She was made to feel guilty as if she was letting her children down and that her actions must have harmed their development and some other pretty negative stuff.

I can't understand what the school was trying to achieve by offering a parenting course that instead of helping just made my partner feel upset, demoralised and in the wrong

[goldilocks]

Perhaps this is feedback you should give the school? Not sure what anyone on here is going to be able to say on it?

[womanofdulwich]

Maybe as her partner you could support her by finding put what they do teach on these courses. Single parenting is very hard. Perhaps you can help her find some other parenting courses .A problem shared is a problem halved?

[Digbina]

I?m so sorry to hear that. Being a parent is hard enough without a total stranger making you feel rubbish about it. Definitely feedback to the school. It sounds quite alarmist although you never know whether it was an off the cuff comment or an over zealous presenter.

I think general courses like these are never as good as someone who actually deals with you and your children as individuals and offers personalised advice and follow up. What sort of advice was she after or particular issues were there that need addressing? Perhaps we can suggest some alternatives.

[midivydale]

Hey, I?m so sorry to hear that your partner is having such a hard time. Does she get any support at all? Depending on age of the children a health visitor or an outreach person at school can be a good starting point. Would your partner feel confident enough to reach out and talk to someone? Raising young children is so hard and it is easy to feel judged and upset when discussing it with others.

Please encourage your partner to not give up and to keep reaching out and ask for advice. The interaction itself is important to avoid feelings of isolation. I remember with my firstborn I found the HV really patronising and I felt judged for not coping so well at the newborn stage. I changed HV and second one was much better. So don?t give up. Another suggestion is to see if you can go the two of you to appointments/courses. It is often nice to have support and feel like you have someone ?onside?.

[bodsier]

If your partner can give feedback to the course leaders it would go a long way to raising awareness. It's important to recognise the sensitivity of this work. Hopefully they will receive it well, and adapt accordingly. I Agree with midivydale. Parenting groups work best when parents are singing from the same sheet. It strengthens and reinforces all the parenting work so Much quicker and more effectively. It's great to do them regardless of whether having difficulties with your child or not... We learn how to parent from our parents.... Not all of it is necessarily good for our children, and we might not recognise that. I'm aware that one size doesn't fit all. Children are different and respond differently to different experiences, so adapting slightly In accordance to individual need is something worth considering. Good luck, it's the hardest job in the world, and changes all the time, we as parents have a hard job keeping up. Keep on keeping on, and try not to feel bad about it, Your doing your best, and looking outside for help and guidance. You're doing your utmost, together you can be strong