Facts of life chat - what age?

[ryedalema]

Morning EDfers,

Our eldest (just 5) seems to taking a great deal of interest in facts of life stuff. She regularly plays with her dolly 'who has just been born' or who 'is in her tummy'. And has recently been asking what happens to girls' bodies as they grow up - boobies and things :)

Surely this is waaaaayyyyy young to be discussing this sort of thing?

Do you:

a) firstly have children of similar ages asking the same? And does it make a difference (I'm sure it does) if they have older siblings (she doesn't).

b) ignore it or distract onto another topic? perpetuate the 'in Mummy's tummy' myths or tell it how it is?

What's the usual age when this sort of thing gets discussed?

I remember the excruciating conversation with my Mum, cos I'd been told everything (heavily distorted) in the playground - urggghhh!

What do you think?

[pripolla]

I'm in the same position as you, with a very inquisitive 5 year old girl (no siblings, older or younger). I was going to do some research on the subject and will be following this thread with interest!

[bumpy]

Not reached that age yet so no practical advice to offer but have just bought these books for my niece who's also 5

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Mummy-Never-Told-Babette-Cole/dp/0099407132/ref=pd_sim_b_4

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hair-Funny-Places-Babette-Cole/dp/0099266261/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1341912888&sr=8-3

[ClaireClaire]

My daughter asked me this some time ago, maybe around age 4? I just told her the truth. And we have an excellent DK book on the Human Body where I showed her a few pictures.

I don't think 5 is too early - seems perfectly natural to me? Especially if younger siblings are arriving.

I didn't have any qualms about explaining the "mechanisms" of the business :-) but I can understand why people may feel awkward about it.

My only concern was explaining that she and her brother were born via c-sections, because I think that's potentially a bit traumatic for a 4yo to visualise! But I did tell her, and just kept it light-hearted.

I'm sure everyone will have a different approach. For me personally, I know my daughter and I knew she wanted the truth straight up!!

Good luck!!

Claire x

[EmilyE]

Definitely the truth but adapted to her age and the questions she asks. By which I mean you can say the seed meets the egg without too much further explanation and that kind of thing. We've enjoyed 'Mummy laid an egg' in this house. In general let her questions guide the conversation and then you know you're answering the things she's wondering about, not putting ideas into her head.

[lucyA1308]

A friend of mine said that the man plants a seed in the woman, and the seed grows into a little baby. Could be confusing to some, but is a nice - not too technical way of saying what it is.

[ryedalema]

Wow - so it's chat time then? Those books look fab - and not as excruciating and 'pastel' as the book my Mum thrust at me :)

Ummmm - how far did you go? She's interested in things like shaving legs (and other bits), what those 'sweeties' (lillets) are in Mummy's drawer etc.

[Knomester]

I don't yet have a child of that age, but I was raised in a home where everything was always open and questions answered frankly. I knew all about how babies were made before I started at primary school (with a little help from this, rather explicit (!), book - http://jezebel.com/5300095/70s-european-childrens-book-depicts-penetration-crowning/gallery/1 ). I don't know any different, so I can't say whether it was the best way for my parents to approach things, but I certainly wasn't scarred by any of what I was told and for me it was no 'big deal' because I'd learned about it all in a natural way.

I was a child of the 70s so I doubt my Mum was into shaving her legs etc at the time!

My 22 month old already knows what tampons and panty liners are (they live in the bathroom and he has asked). Trying to convince him that he doesn't need to use them is another matter entirely...

[eco79]

Mummy Laid an Egg by Babette Cole is also great. I use it as a GCSE biology teaching aid getting students to write science for a younger audience.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Mummy-Laid-Egg-picture-books/dp/0099299119

[susyp]

a friend of mines 3 year old daughter asked her what the hole in her "foo foo" was for. And her mum explained it stretched to allow a baby out. Which I thought was pretty hardcore!! My daughter of the same age has also asked how babies come out of tummies - luckily I had a c section so I can tell her, in all honesty, that they "pop out" of your tummy. He he.

susypx

[ryedalema]

Oh my goodness SusyP - I agree that is hardcore.

Well I've ordered those books- Amazon had a deal on all three of those Babette books so I'll be well covered (am hoping to learn some stuff myself :))

Am just hoping it won't make her the kid in the playground knowing more than the others and either distorting the facts for the rest, or being seen as more progressive in a 'not nice' way.

You can see I'm a worry wart :)

[Sanne Panne]

My nearly 4 year old has been asking me how babies come out of the tummy too (and not accepting evasive answers anymore at some point) so I just told her that in your bottom there are 3 holes, one at the front for pee and one at the back for poo and one in the middle for babies. And that when at the end of someone's pregancy the time comes that her tummy is incredibly big and the baby is ready to come out, that hole can get bigger too just for the birth.

It matches the way we talk about things, we don't try to take the magic of childhood away at all but I'm not going to pretend that the fish in the sea and the fish on your plate are different kinds of fish ;)

[Ruth_Baldock]

Seb is 2 1/2 and told me very matter of factly that boy's have willies, girls have moo's (his word for a girl's bits) and that him and his sister came out of Mummy's moo. This isn't correct, I had 2 x c/s, so said some babies do indeed come out that way (this involved talking about some of his friends) but him and his sister came out of my tummy with help from the Dr and Midwives; he had a good look at my scar. Apparently, my babies got in my tummy from "watching Num Tums".

Bit more of a talk needed, I feel.

[Fuschia]

My oldest new about birth from about 3 .., then at aged 4 suddenly asked me how the baby got in there

I was struggling to unlock our front door at the time and without

Much thought just blurted it out

He didn't seem to suffer any trauma from the revelation

I think we have touched on the idea of seeds coming out of daddy's willy with our twins too, they are just 4

We do have a few books but they're not very interested

Just answering questions honestly as they arise seems to be enough I find

[hellosailor]

my mum told me that me and my brother asked how babies were made when we were 4, and she told us the truth, at which point we rolled around on the floor laughing like drains and told her not to be so stupid.

[????]

Our eldest two sort of ask every so often but they also seem pretty indfferent to the answers, so we tell them in a fairly general way and that seems to be that (at the moment)

[susyp]

I remember being absolutely and totally revolted.

If only my feelings had stayed this way life would have been much simpler!

Susypx

[hellosailor]

susyp Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I remember being absolutely and totally revolted.

>

>

> If only my feelings had stayed this way life would

> have been much simpler!

>

>Ain't THAT the truth, hoho!

[Pickle]

On a related subject, anyone got experience of little boys and their, erm, discovery of the workings of their willy? Finding it hard to know how to deal with 5.5 year old who races up to me to proudly show me "how big I made it". If the smilies still existed I would put one of those embarrassed ones!

[EmilyE]

Yes, I'd be interested in that question too! My son is a very similar age. I tend to mutter something like 'oh yes it has got bigger' and move on. But his older sister is much more impressed by the whole business - 'wow, that's really good'. I'm clear that I don't want to disapprove, but equally don't want encourage exactly.

[Ruth_Baldock]

When I was a LOT younger (obviously), I asked my Mum if you needed to take your clothes off to 'do it'. She said "Nah, sometimes it's best not to bother..."

ANYHOO, with that in mind:

[Knomester]

Brilliant Ruth :-)

[hellosailor]

Ruth, that is GOLD!

[civilservant]

My 8 year-old (girl) has known about 'mummy nappies' for ages but we haven't gone into the details of what they are for.

She knows all about the different bits, and knows all about where babies grow, and about how they are fed etc - but we haven't yet had the discussion about exactly how they are made.

I find that answering questions up-front - like Quids - means that she goes away satisfied, at least for the moment.

IMO no point beating about the bush ;-) on the subject, although admit that I'm not sure how sanguine I'd be about little boys' pride in how 'big they'd made it'!

[The Nappy Lady]

How timely - I was having a chat with my just 8 year old earlier today. I'd been to see our practice nurse for a smear and she was with me so asked why/what for (didn't see it happen as I was behind a curtain) but I explained to her. Then mentioned that at some point in the next few years her periods would start and she just said "yes I know, I think it will be when I'm about 10 or 11!". Wow! A friends daughter started before her 9th birthday so I wanted to touch on it.

But we have always talked about this stuff and been quite open - only tell them as much as they need to know at each point - keep it simple, but truthful I'd say. She's been in the bathroom and seen enough to know what happens to ladies and I'm glad as she considers it 'normal' and will never be freaked out or scared by it like stories I've heard of older generations.

Mommy laid an egg & Hair in Funny Places are two brilliant books.

I honestly think if you take the approach that it's just another interesting part of nature and relate it to other animals etc it's not such a big deal in the end - hasn't been yet for us at least - though we haven't actually got down to the nitty gritty facts yet!! We were having a chat about extinct creatures the other day and she understood that once there was no mating pair left that the species in question would die out so I think she's fairly clued up.

Good luck with it!