Few days off from School

[suniil]

I made a request to the Head teacher of my daughter's school for stay back one week at home and do some intensive Maths and Music practice, whilst other children are going away for school trip. The arrangement was she has to sit in Year 1 and help the children.

For those who are not aware, Head Teachers can allow educating-offsite (Education act Section 444(3) and 444(9))

Does anyone think the last line is bit harsh towards my daughter?

http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e12/suniil/ScreenShot2012-07-18at140401.png

[oimissus]

I can only assume that they have had experience of children unexpectedly becoming 'ill' when requests like this have been refused by the school, so they are letting you know in advance that they expect a doctor's note.

[hellosailor]

I'm sure what Oimissus says is true and is why this line is included, but it's still bl**dy rude! So patronising, like you're one of his/her pupils!

[Curmudgeon]

There is no remit on a head to allow absence - they can decide there will be no absences authorised (normally a decision taken with governors)

It would be marked as unauthorised absence. It's a form letter I'll bet and not overly harsh - it's just specifying their requirements.

If the student has high absence rates (OFSTED target is 95% attendance for the school - a child who drops under 90% would raise a concern, a child under 85% is deemed persistent absentee and legal action can be taken but that is far down the line) there could be a penalty notice issued of 80%. But it's a Y6 child so what's the very worst they could do? Nothing

I would doubt any action will be taken

Why isn't your child going on the school trip?

[suniil]

there are several cases occasional / regular home-ed aka flex-schooling arrangement happening across the country. Even in our case one of the chosen secondary school has given advance oral agreement that they are happy to provide similar arrangement if my daughter choses that school!

Curmudgeon Wrote:

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> There is no remit on a head to allow absence -

> they can decide there will be no absences

> authorised (normally a decision taken with

> governors)

No, she has close to 98% attendance level and NIL unauthorised absence.

> a child who drops under 90% would raise a concern, a child

> under 85% is deemed persistent absentee and legal

> action can be taken but that is far down the line)

She opted out, as she don't want to stay away from her regular Piano practice which is important to stay on par / close enough with her secondary counterparts (from Sept 2012)

> Why isn't your child going on the school trip?

[suniil]

Thanks for responding in thread via PM (at least 3 members). I'm not questioning any decision making power of Head but the last line made me bit sad, as we never questioned anything since she joined the School and being honest at every moment.

On the other hand her Class Teacher is so supportive

[civilservant]

The last line is not rude towards your daughter. It seems to be aimed at the parent. I think oimissus is right about the reason why.

School trips, especially the 'big' one at Year 6, are aimed at helping children develop independence and resilience and are important in teaching them about how to get on with their peers. Why do you think that a week away from music practice will hurt?

[Mrs TP]

I think it is rude to you and assumes that you may be considering keeping her at home no matter what the school response to your request was.

If your daughter was off sick at a different time they would not expect a medical certificate. I am not sure who governs the policy on supplying medical certificates to schools; is it the school, the local authority or central gov? If the rules are diff for when a parent had been denied time out of school for a child then that should be in the school rules and the head could have phrased the letter differently and drawn attention to the existing school rule - this may have seemed less personal that the way it is phrased currently.

Unfortunately, some teachers (like many other professional adults) just don't communicate well at all times.

However, all that said when you don't get your preferred outcome it is easy to feel agrieved and be more bothered than you need to be about such careless phraseology. I am not saying you shouldn't be cross and am v. sympathetic towards you, what I mean here is that this is not a great letter but also not worth your emotional investment pursuing.

I see the time has passed now but hope your daughter had a good week and is looking forward to the summer hols and 'big' school.

[suniil]

It's not me but she opted out, because she already had few weeks away from her instrument for residential music courses like National Youth Choir etc. She knows how much practice is required to keep up the standards of her new peers, as many of them joined the school from year five and gets around 3 to 5 hours of music practice per day.

> Why do you think that a week away from music practice will hurt?

I supported her decision just because of this. Last 2 days of the trip is partially unsupervised, that I'm not sure my 11 year old is matured enough for that! Regarding getting on with peers, she coped up very well and had high praises in many residential courses.

> School trips, especially the 'big' one at Year 6,

> are aimed at helping children develop independence

> and resilience and are important in teaching them

> about how to get on with their peers.

[suniil]

That's okay, but we were very honest and daughter is very well behaved and supportive to other children. I guess daughter thinks in the similar lines you posted.

Since then, I always submitted GP letter / visit proofs etc to School office.

> However, all that said when you don't get your

> preferred outcome it is easy to feel agrieved and

> be more bothered than you need to be about such

> careless phraseology. I am not saying you

> shouldn't be cross and am v. sympathetic towards

> you, what I mean here is that this is not a great

> letter but also not worth your emotional

> investment pursuing.

>

Thank you, really appreciate the positive thoughts.

> I see the time has passed now but hope your

> daughter had a good week and is looking forward to

> the summer hols and 'big' school.

[Smiler]

You should do as you like, it's ridiculous of the school, nanny state! Not a lot they can do given that she's leaving, I would just have her at home as planned and say so. Grrr.

doubt they can require NHS doctors notes for stuff like this.

[dulwichgirl2]

Smiler, unfortunately if everyone followed such a selfish and inconsiderate path, (as the one you are suggesting) there would be anarchy in the school.

There are rules in society and it is mature and sensible to follow them as opposed to breaking them being independent, assertive or "more cool", as I heard some fool saying the other day.

Sunil, having said this, I would be insulted by the implication that you would lie, in that last paragraph. I would send a lofty note back saying that I am disappointed she has had previous experiences that led her to feel the need to include it as you had always been totally straight with the school. I would say that I was insulted by the implication, but that is just me(!).

Hope your daughter enjoyed her week anyway and managed to do some good practice.

[civilservant]

what dg2 said

good luck with the music, suniil's daughter!

[Smiler]

But sunil is not being selfish and there are particular circumstances. Obviously people can't all do what they like but the current policies are draconian IMO.

[hellosailor]

dulwichgirl2 Wrote:

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> Smiler, unfortunately if everyone followed such a

> selfish and inconsiderate path, there would be

> anarchy in the school.

> There are rules in society and it is mature and

> sensible to follow them as opposed to breaking

> them being independent, assertive or "more cool",

> as I heard some fool saying the other day.

>

>mwahahahahhahahahahaha! I've just had to read this several times to search for a trace of humour or irony, but it's for real, right?!

Crikey, so in what way is she being selfish exactly? You might not think her grounds for taking her daughter out of school for a few days are sound, but selfish? Really?? And leading to ANARCHY? I mean, reaaaallllly? This has cracked me up, thank you!

[dulwichgirl2]

Let me clarify as it seems you misunderstood, HS. My point is simply that school rules exist for a reason and that we should not remove children arbitrarily wih gay abandon as Smiler (not the OP who takes a different approach) said she would do.

I think the OP acted with dignity and integrity. I think Smiler's approach of being honest with the school has integrity too but it is also unhelpful to the schools that we are all supposed to be supporting. Lastly, removing and lying is just pathetic, but no one has suggested that.

Don't worry about the misunderstanding - these things happen and often with typing as the meaning is less clear.

[dulwichgirl2]

HS - edited now to clarify.

You were quite right- it was ambiguous.

Thank you.

[Sanne Panne]

The way they stated it in the letter is insulting and it also communicates low standards - they are saying they expect people to lie. Not a very clever strategy. They should just make a generic comment in a newsletter or even send a separate message out about it, but not aim it at individuals who are in the process of requesting absence... it would upset me too even though I would know where they're "coming from".

[cuppa tea]

I would be very insulted at the implication that you would lie to the school. They are treating you like one of the children...and as they are teaching your child, they need to learn to communicate better with parents and not get their backs up! I think they are sticking to the rule book for the sake of it and they are not thinking of the individual needs of their pupils. It's fair enough that your daughter decides not to go on a school trip. The feeling of autonomy at being able to make that decision and being listened to by her parents is probably a far more valuable lesson to learn than anything she would learn on the school trip.

[Carbonara]

What did you do Sunil?

I might have kept her off, let her do lots of practice and then sent a letter saying she was not at school because she was doing intensive music and maths practice. They would have put it down as unauthorised absence but in the context of her overall good attendacne, nothing would happen.

I would be a bit sad though if my own child wanted to miss out on a school journey in favour of intensive music practice.

Good luck to her, though.

[Smiler]

Dulwichgirl, when I said "you should do as you like" I meant the OP, in this instance.

[Inkmaiden]

But the anarchy Smiler, THINK OF THE ANARCHY.

[suniil]

Thanks everyone for being so supportive via posting here and the private messages. The lesson I learnt is not to look out for the best school in the locality, but the best school where my child can benefit the most!

Yesterday was the last day in school and Head teacher handed out Bible to all children in Year 6. Daughter came back and asked me whether the Head really believes in God and values the principles!

Carbonara Wrote:

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We sent her to school that week, as we don't want to be disrespectful. But she was able to revise her Kumon Maths in preparation to the I level exam during lunch hours and other free time in school.

> What did you do Sunil?

> I might have kept her off, let her do lots of

> practice and then sent a letter saying she was not

> at school because she was doing intensive music

> and maths practice. They would have put it down as

> unauthorised absence but in the context of her

> overall good attendacne, nothing would happen.

She was not that sad that week, but was felt bit isolated when they all came back from school-trip. Still managed to back in the group after 1 week or so.

> I would be a bit sad though if my own child wanted

> to miss out on a school journey in favour of

> intensive music practice.

>

[Scruffy Mummy]

It would be a good example to your daughter if you felt aggrieved about the letter to arrange a meeting with the Head and have a meeting where you assertively discuss the matter in person with him or her. Seeking support on a public Internet forum while gratifying in the short term doesn't feel like the best or most mature solution to a real life communication problem. I find it sad that this HT committment to their faith is being questioned due to a slightly misworded sentence. While you have rightly blocked out names and the school, ED is a very small world. Personally, I think it sounds like the HT is concerned for your child's social & emotional education - a large part of primary education is about this. And in year 6 a child feeling isolated from her peers for one of the last weeks in her primary school & leaving without a positive shared group experience in favour of studying for Kumon exams sounds very sad to me.

However, we all have very different expectations of education and regardless of any of that, if you feel you have been treated rudely or unfairly you should go straight to the source and discuss your concerns with the person in an open and direct manner.

[suniil]

I only shared my sadness, but not to publicise anything. ED Forum is a great community with good spirits and If I want to take the whole issue to Public I could have done it earlier in Religions platforms where daughter herself has very good reputation.

Scruffy Mummy Wrote:

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> Seeking support on a public Internet

> forum while gratifying in the short term doesn't

> feel like the best or most mature solution to a

> real life communication problem.

Daughter felt in that way, there could be other reasons as well.

> I find it sad that this HT committment to their faith is being

> questioned due to a slightly misworded sentence.

I'm sure you know the school I mentioned. We also kept that positive attitude and assumption towards Head teacher until that incident, though we had doubts in the past. Still we are respectful to him for allowing her to learn in the school.

> While you have rightly blocked out names and the

> school, ED is a very small world. Personally, I

> think it sounds like the HT is concerned for your

> child's social & emotional education - a large

> part of primary education is about this.

Please re-read the above post, she felt isolated just only one week but back to the same level in next week. All the children are extremely friendly, and has shown support in their own capacity to her when they saw this letter.

> And in year 6 a child feeling isolated from her peers for

> one of the last weeks in her primary school &

> leaving without a positive shared group experience

> in favour of studying for Kumon exams sounds very

> sad to me.