Feeling down when they go to school....?

[susyp]

Hi all, I may just be having a bad week, but I wondered if any other SAHM's had found themselves feeling very depressed when their little ones start school? My daughter has settled really well, made lots of friends and doesn't cry etc so I have nothing to be upset about. But I just feel so miserable.

It doesn't help that she is such a nightmare out of school, which I know is just because she is tired and a little unsettled within herself, all completely normal, but I am just finding it so difficult to cope with as I miss her so much and then when she comes home and at weekends she is a little devil! Basically she is not doing anything I ask, and then I end up losing my temper with her and we get in this stupid vicious circle. Just now I left her after telling her off as she had been playing on all the wet playground equipment when I had told her not to and of course fell off and hurt herself. I know she is the child and I have to be an adult but I am feeling completely unable to cope.

I think part of it is that I don't have a job yet and so I've kind of lost my purpose. I've just drawn up a weekly schedule for myself which involves lots of exercise and I am volunteering at a charity one day a week. But I can't sleep properly so i am exhausted and don;t feel like doing exercise and it's just making everything worse.

I am sure I am not the only one to have gone through this so any wise words from forumites would be very gratefully received. I know in time we will both settle time but at the moment I know I am not supporting her properly. It seem so silly as I thought life would be so easy when she went to school!

susypx

[gwod]

I recognise how you feel, I always feel melancholy in September even though my children are older than yours and I should have got use to it by now. Although I have an interesting and flexible job, nothing is as fulfilling as parenting and when they go back I feel Ive lost my purpose and I miss them. I found it particularly hard when my yougest started and I was in the empty house. God knows what I'll be like when they start to leave home!

For me, it does pass, and by half term I slip into the old rhythm of the days and things feel better. In the end I consider this pain the flipside of the luck I have in enjoying my children so much, and that helps me make sense of it. It sounds as though you are entertaining lots of changes as regards work and parenting and these can be difficult to manage, and if it doesnt pass soon Im sure talking it over with someone would help get you back to your usual self.

Good luck, and dont be too hard on yourself.

[hellosailor]

Hi susyp it'a totally understandable to me that you would feel like that, my daughter is only 19 months so still a long way before we go through this change, but I'm sure I will feel many of the feelings you do about that emotional shift, not to mention the practical change of routine, the sense of a lack of purpose when every minute has been mapped out all day every day for years.

Sorry I can't offer anything much in terms of wise words, sure the mums who have school age children will be able to offer good advice, just wanted to say how normal and understandable what you're describing sounds and that I'm sure it won't continue to feel this odd, and you'll acclimatise to the change and feel less sad when it becomes more 'normal' for your daughter to be gone for those hours every day.

xx

[susyp]

Thanks for kind words - well I've got through the day - and my daughter has come out happy as larry so I can't really hope for anything better. I'm going to try and make myself do something every morning, be it swimming or shopping, just to get over the initial sense of sadness, then I should be ok in the afternoons.

susypx