man befriending child in peckham rye park

[yummumbums]

Hi all, i am writing this on behalf of a neighbour who has not used the forum. She has only just found out that her daughter has been befriended by a 51 year old male and have bumped into each other on a number of occasions. Today she arrived home much much later than usual and said she had been playing and bumped into "colin" and had a chat for a while. Alarmingly he offered her a lift home today in his car and she got in. Thankfully she is home safely and unharmed. This male maybe harmless but in this day and age men shouldn't be befriending young girls and offering them lifts home. Mum would like to hear if anyone else has experienced anything like this with their children?

[civilservant]

how old is the daughter? and how does she know that this man is exactly 51 years old?

not that it really matters, but the information would provide some context

[yummumbums]

The child is 11 but looks much younger and 51 is the age he has told her he is so quite rightly this could be incorrect.

[lilolil]

I would report it. It might be innocent but he could be "grooming" her and you would feel awful if this was the case and had done nothing.

I would not be happy if it were my daughter

[dulwichgirl2]

Must be reported to Police ASAP.

[Pugwash]

Any male.however innocent, is always seen as a perpentrator. A child got left behind on a bus - her mother had got off thinking child around 6/7 was behind her ( she had got caught up behind passengers coming onto bus) bus set off and child tells us 2 stops later that her mum had got off without her. A number of people offered to walk back with child, they were mainly men with their wives and children.The women had shopping and babes in pram were reluctant to let their other halves walk back with the child as they feared they would be classed as abusers. Hubby and I were going to get off when the driver decided to ring the police and explain what had happened. The mother, had phoned police in panic about situation, in the end the bus stayed put and waited till the police with Mum pulled up along side. The POlice advised everyone on the bus that both males and females could be seen as perpentrators and that the driver did the best thing. I would report this guy to the police as nobody in their right mind would offer a child a lift.

[SparkyUK]

I started reading this thread thinking you were probably being reactionary and I was getting angry that you can't talk to strangers any more without being accused of being a pervert or con artist... UNTIL you said he OFFERED HER A RIDE IN HIS CAR?? Thank goodness she is home okay. If he is 'innocent', shame on him. He should certainly know better than to offer young girls rides in cars. I'd report this as well. The police can decide what to do with it. And I cetainly hope your friend is giving a refresher course to her daugher on stranger danger.

[maritap]

I too would be mortified if this were my daughter. It's very sad that we live in a society that we have to be suspicious of e everyone and everything. I'm glad she got home safely

[Monkey]

This case is nothing to do with a society in which we have to besuspicious of everyone and everything. A 51-year-old befriending an 11-year-old in any day and age is wrong and suspicious, full stop. This should be reported to the police immediately.

[jane1]

i would let her school know 2, just so they know what is going on, and they can keep a safe eye on her 2.......

[Gidget]

Does sound very odd. Now, don't all shout at once. Wonder why the 11 year old thought it was OK to get in the car with the man? Would be interested to know what life lessons she has been given. Time for a re-think.....

A description of the guy would be useful.

[maritap]

Agree with all the above, Monkey you're right, I worded it wrongly ..... Should deffo let her school know and what made her think it was ok to get in this car.

[intexasatthe moment]

If I had a pound for every life lesson I've tried ,and failed ,to teach my son ...

Poor parenting on my part I suppose .

[Gidget]

My mother set me up with someone she knew but I didn't. I was walking back from the bus stop where the school bus had dropped me. It was several blocks from my home. A car pulled up alongside me and and said Hello to me and included my name. She said she was going to my house to see mother and did I want a ride. I stupidly got in the car and she drove me home to a terrible telling off from my mother. I have never forgotten it. I was about 11 or 12, certainly under 13 as I was 13 when I left that school.

[intexasatthe moment]

Mmm telling off after child does something you told them not to ....must try that one .

[Gidget]

I don't remember what she told me beforehand. No doubt it went in one ear and out the other. But she was obviously trying to test me, and it certainly worked. I was petrified.

[the-e-dealer]

Considering that most child abduction/murders involve people known to the Family I wonder how children should react to people they know?

[dulwichgirl2]

Various misuses of English on this thread confuse the views but the main point seems to be - unacceptable and needs to be reported ASAP.

I am surprised that this did not happen immediately I must say. Another adult misjudgement.

[Saffron]

Gidget Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Does sound very odd. Now, don't all shout at

> once. Wonder why the 11 year old thought it was

> OK to get in the car with the man?

Children by their very nature are vulnerable and easily manipulated by evil people who are (sadly) skilled at doing such.

Children do make mistakes, but it's NEVER the child's fault. They don't bring abuse onthemselves or deserve abuse because they make mistakes. Every parent surely tries to instill caution in their child, but sometimes it isn't enough.

[Loz]

Gidget Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> A description of the guy would be useful.

No it wouldn't. Please DO report this to the police. Let them deal with it. But let's not be describing people (probably badly) on an internet forum and risking the pitchfork brigade. What is the point of a description?

Just take this as a warning to remind your child of stranger danger. And make sure it is all strangers - it is believed that at least 1 in 10 paedophiles are female.

[LondonMix]

I agree with Loz, particularly as no crime has even been committed. Posting a description of someone on such an inflammatory issue is dangerous and ill-advised.

[Gidget]

Saffron Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Gidget Wrote:

> --------------------------------------------------

> -----

> > Does sound very odd. Now, don't all shout at

> > once. Wonder why the 11 year old thought it

> was

> > OK to get in the car with the man?

>

> Children by their very nature are vulnerable and

> easily manipulated by evil people who are (sadly)

> skilled at doing such.

>

>

> Children do make mistakes, but it's NEVER the

> child's fault. They don't bring abuse

> onthemselves or deserve abuse because they make

> mistakes. Every parent surely tries to instill

> caution in their child, but sometimes it isn't

> enough.

Children make mistakes, yes, so I am wondering what this child has been told about strangers, taking lifts etc. Perhaps she thought that if she had met someone more than once they weren't a stranger.

[Gidget]

There was a thread here a while back which said someone had offered a school child a life. A text was then sent out by the school. What happened in that case?

[henryb]

It was an off-duty policeman who had offered aa child a lift because it was raining and the child was distressed.

So in this case did the man give the girl a lift home and nothing happened?

[Gidget]

So someone posts this story on a forum, and hasn't reported it to police? Why not? So they can canvass opinions on whether or not this is a good idea? Where in the park was this? Has she met this man only in the park? What is he doing there - hanging around a certain area like the playground?