Feeling like a 'Proper Mum'?

[Saffron]

http://www.parentdish.co.uk/mum/you-wont-feel-like-a-proper-mum-for-precisely-4-months-and-23-days/

First time mums take note. No matter how lost and bewildered you feel in the first few months of your new role, it will all be over soon.

To be precise, it will all be over in four months and 23 days from your baby's birthday.

By that stage you will feel like a 'proper mum' according to researchers (as opposed to the confused, knackered, frazzled, bone tired woman you might feel right now).

Uh-oh, where did I go wrong? My daughter is nearly 3, and I still feel confused, knackered, frazzled, and bone tired!!!

[Helen GV]

Two kids in and I'm still trying to feel like a proper mum!

[guringi]

Proper mum I am too big for my own shoes isnt it

how awful is that at least some of you have notice doesnt

Look pretty Thank you I dont compare to people because nobody

Is superior than others life is simple even if you manipulate

the world doesnt mean you are the king of England so pls dont compare to

others or bring you plate and I can show you how you are acting

[Saffron]

The article provided a list of things that women have said helped them feel like proper mums:

TOP 10 THINGS THAT LEAD TO FEELING LIKE A 'PROPER MUM'

1. Getting a good routine sorted

2. Knowing what to do when your baby cries

3. Not being worried about dealing with your baby in public

4. Trying not to panic when your baby is under the weather or has a temperature

5. Always leaving the house with a spare change of clothes for your baby

6. Always leaving the house with milk/food/snacks for your baby

7. Being able to change a nappy quickly

8. Having the baby sleep through the night

9. Feeling able to keep on top of the housework

10. Always having a toy or something to entertain your baby in your handbag

Forumites, agree? Disagree? Anything to add to the list?

To number 7, I would add being able to change a nappy not only quickly but under any circumstances! (...after a 'blow-out', in the dark, in the tiniest public loo imaginable...)

[midivydale]

Being comfortable with YOUR baby that you have and not keep comparing to the "textbook" baby

[Saffron]

Ugh remembering that only too well... and then convincing Hubbie to do the same (still working on it). x

[Otta]

Surely keeping your child safe, loving it and caring for it = proper mum. No?

[Belle]

I would say something far less tangible than the things on the list, particularly as I am still falling short of several of them.

I think there's a def change of mindset.So anything from just noticing other kids when you're out without your own (and feeling sympathetic for the parents when they're having a meltdown), to being able to second guess what your child is about to do next. and spotting the risks in day to day life (as well as opportunities)you'd never have considered pre kids. I don't mean that in a neurotic way. But just instincts like moving hot cups of tea out of reach without even thinking about it or knowing that a snack with some life span e.g. box of raisins is going to help you on a long journey more than something that's gone in a flash. It's hard to come up with examples. But I definitely know I think like a mum now.

[midivydale]

I still get a thrill when i need to sign forms or receive letters addressed to the parent of baby ivydale or see his tiny jumpers around the house. I am a MUM- i have a SON!

[crystal7]

I know what you mean Midivydale. I feel all grown up and er mumsy when I take them to the Drs or buy them shoes...

[Clare11]

It's sad that the list doesn't include anything for mums themselves. 'Have snacks for your baby and yourself' etc.

And frankly I'm offended that part of being a 'mum' is being on top of the housework!!!

Housework is not a requisite for motherhood in my book.

[Princess]

My eldest son is nearly three. He has just started attending small playgroup on a school site where I can leave him for a few hours in the morning. Joining the other parents on the school run was the first time it really occured to me I was a 'proper mum'.

[GCOakley]

you know you are a real Mum when friends/family etc ask you if you have a baby wipe in your bag

[oimissus]

hahaha, that's exactly why I still don't feel like a proper mum, even why Miss Oi has a cold I still never seem to have a tissue on me. And Proper Mums always have tissues. It's the law.

[midivydale]

Oimissus, i hear you. Forgot baby wipes yday but remembered lipgloss?!? In two different shades..

[lucyA1308]

I gues I will never manage that list. I can never get a nappy on quickly - my kids have always been wrigglers, and crawled away the moment they learn how to. And Housework???

[Saffron]

Well, if relying on the house not looking like a bomb site is an absolute requite for feeling like a proper mum, I doubt I'd ever feel so. Although to be fair, I like to think my house is more like friendly chaos, than bomb site. Nevertheless, still intrigued about the fact that the article seems to assert that feeling like a proper mum should coincide with not feeling "confused, knackered, frazzled, and bone tired", as these things seem practically to be the definition of being a mother some days!

[Moos]

Maybe it means feeling like that feeling is normal?

I think I might have said this before, but I remember exactly when I realised that I was a mother. It was about 3 in the morning when my first baby (month or two old?) woke having done a vast explosive poo. Shit was everywhere: on the sheets, on the bed, all over the screaming baby. I was very tired and didn't know where to start to sort it out, and stood there dumbly for ages, until I realised what I was waiting for: someone to come along and take charge and tell me what to do. Then the penny dropped: no-one was coming, it was my job to sort out somehow or other, it didn't really matter how, I just had to get on with it. Pretty trivial really, and God knows I've cleaned up plenty of shit since then, but that was an important one. :)

[civilservant]

What Saffron said in her last post

Who are the 'researchers' who put that list together?

It sounds like something out of Gina Ford (no, I'm not trying to start THAT argument again!). It's all about predictability and control. If that list is what it's all about, then I've never felt like a 'proper mum'!

[Saffron]

civilservant Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> What Saffron said in her last post

>

> Who are the 'researchers' who put that list

> together?

Probably people without children!

;-)

[Saffron]

It's correlation vs causation anyway. Maybe all those things on the list* tend to occur naturally around a time postpartum hormones are settling down and women are starting to settle into being new mothers? The article says this happens around 4 mo 23 days postpartum on avg (according to their sample anyway). I'd say between 3-6 months generally for hormone systems to re-adjust from any major strain is probably about right.

For those of us who don't ding all the points on their list, maybe motherhood is more about accepting that sometimes things just are the way they are, as Moos suggests.

Having a bad day recently, I posted as my FB status. "It's never going to get easier."

A friend with older children replied, "No, but it does get better."

*Sleeping through the night at ~5 mo? (snorts of derisive laughter)

[Otta]

Moos Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> but I remember exactly when I realised that I was a mother.

Er, labour??? ;-)

[Mellors]

I am a mum of three kids aged 5 and under (youngest 18 months) and all i have to say about that list is HAHAHAHA.

If I manage to get all three of them dressed in reasonably appropriate clothes, with shoes and coats on, and with various book bags/water bottles/forms to be filled in and having had something, anything, for breakfast and all of them (without forgetting one or two) at school/nursery/childminder/at home at a reasonable time then I consider myself to be a magnificent success that day, and a "proper mum".

Snacks/nappies/wipes/toys/books are things to be bummed off other mums who are more organised. You'll get a manky banana in the bottom of my shit-tip of a bag on a good day.

Sleeping through the night - must inform youngest that 3am is NOT the time to party, and oldest two that no, dragons can't get in your bedroom at midnight if the door is shut (can they?).

Being a proper mum IMHO is when your children love you, want to spend time to you, talk to you, cuddle you, and call for you if they need you. Not having a clean floor, or serving supper at bang on 5pm.

[midivydale]

Mellors "Being a proper mum IMHO is when your children love you, want to spend time to you, talk to you, cuddle you, and call for you if they need you. Not having a clean floor, or serving supper at bang on 5pm."

AMEN!

[midivydale]

Otta Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Moos Wrote:

> --------------------------------------------------

> -----

> > but I remember exactly when I realised that I

> was a mother.

>

>

> Er, labour??? ;-)

Ha ha actually no!!! It didnt dawn on me that ds was MY responsibility until months after!!

Dont worry- i get it now:)