Padded Cell - screech and scream to your hearts content *contains rudeness*

[HonaloochieB]

I find myself watching Jeremy Kyle when I'm at home.

My family are demanding a DNA test.

[LizzygotDizzy]

Jeremy Kyle drives me barmy, the man is excruciatingly aggravating, almost as bad, if not as bad as, Kilroy in his days! I believe this kind of show is more akin to human baiting of not the most intelligent members of society, who else would go on a prgramme like that? Do they actually get paid to go on it?

[HonaloochieB]

LizzygotDizzy Wrote:

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> Jeremy Kyle drives me barmy, the man is

> excruciatingly aggravating, almost as bad, if not

> as bad as, Kilroy in his days! I believe this kind

> of show is more akin to human baiting of not the

> most intelligent members of society, who else

> would go on a prgramme like that? Do they get paid

> to go on it?

I don't know LGD. Has anyone from the EDF ever appeared on JK?

If so please let us know what the deal is as regards the compensation, clothing allowance etc.

[*Bob*]

I'd be up for going on it, but I need to get my brother's wife pregnant first. Or my Aunt, maybe.

[HonaloochieB]

*Bob* Wrote:

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> I'd be up for going on it, but I need to get my

> brother's wife pregnant first. Or my Aunt, maybe.

I'd go for the Aunt option myself *Bob*.

The old getting-the-sister-in-law-up-the-stick schtick has become quite hackneyed in Kyle circles.

An Aunt would get you admiring glances from the other guests.

Looking forward to it.

[*Bob*]

The 'dream ticket' on Kyle would be a show involving a lie detector test, a DNA test, myself, my brother, a child and our Aunt (who's nearly 65).

Beat that, Trisha.

[HonaloochieB]

If the child could be a violent sweary school refuser and your Aunt could develop a nice little crack habit then both shows will be beating a path to your door.

[LizzygotDizzy]

*Bob* Wrote:

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> I'd be up for going on it, but I need to get my

> brother's wife pregnant first. Or my Aunt, maybe.

Try your brother's wife's grandma and they might check your application over!

[*Bob*]

That wouldn't even qualify as incest though, Lizzy - so I'd already be relegated to the b-list.

And Honaloochie.. I don't remember seeing my Aunts crack but I'll be sure to have a look next time I'm up there for Christmas.

[HonaloochieB]

*Bob* Wrote:

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> That wouldn't even qualify as incest though, Lizzy

> - so I'd already be relegated to the b-list.

>

> And Honaloochie.. I don't remember seeing my Aunts

> crack but I'll be sure to have a look next time

> I'm up there for Christmas.

This is just the sort of thing that will swing it for you *Bob*. If there's a JK/Trisha hall of fame

then you're a cert.

[LizzygotDizzy]

Had a little "date" the other night with a guy I'd been seeing for quite a while, and it was to be the first time we were "getting intimiate",have to say it completely drives me barmy and makes me absolutely livid when (sorry for those with sensitivity issues and sexual prohibitions please look away now!) when a guy expects you to go down on him and then when you ask, (before things get really started), or gently hint that you hope that the favour will be returned (which you shouldn't have to anyway) you suddenly get a bewildered looking school boy standing there saying "but I don't do oral!", erm...what? then to exacerbate the situation comes back with "well aren't you going to finish me off then!", couldn't help it, bit down on him quite hardish and said, yeah, after you start me off!!! and muttered something about selfish son-of-a-bitch or sumthing or other and made my getaway. There now, all better now, though I doubt he is feeling atall well this morning.

[mightyroar]

Lizzy that is soooo rude (of him) I mean. Even more so if this is the first time you were getting intimate. What is up with that shit? Some men think that their cum face is such a special sight that's all women need to get off on!

did he actually say 'I don't do oral' ?????????????? Dear god.

[lozzyloz]

I'm glad you got that off your, err, chest.

[ChavWivaLawDegree]

Never give before you receive (plenty), is my motto!

[LizzygotDizzy]

mightyroar Wrote:

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>> did he actually say 'I don't do oral'

> ?????????????? Dear god.

His exact words were "but I don't really do oral" , which probably along with "well aren't you going to finish me off then?" made me chomp down on him quite a bit harder than I'd intended to!

Def will take your advice next time Chav! (mwwoooahahahaha!)

Sorry Lozzy if you were offended, I did kind of put the warning in bold type for those of a delicate disposition

[LizzygotDizzy]

Oh, have just seen the name of the thread, "contains rudeness" and ranting (well screeching and screaming!) ok here goes:-

Shit, fuck fuck fuck, wota w@nka, toss bag, arse/dick-head, tw@t, fuckwit, (shame though he was really quite nice up until that point and gave no inclination of being such a self centred sorry arsewipe sonnofabitch!)

There now, all better, breath....

[Bellenden Belle]

(you missed it...)

[KalamityKel]

Dear lord that actually put a smile on my miserable face this morning! hehehehe stupid men *sighs* Now boys don't b starting to get all grrrr at me... or at least if ya are... BRING IT ON!!! >:D<

;-)

[SeanMacGabhann]

BB

You are not alone

[jumpinjackflash]

LizzygotDizzy Wrote:

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> mightyroar Wrote:

> --------------------------------------------------

> -----

> >> did he actually say 'I don't do oral'

> > ?????????????? Dear god.

>

> His exact words were "but I don't really do oral"

> , which probably along with "well aren't you going

> to finish me off then?" made me chomp down on him

> quite a bit harder than I'd intended to!

>

> Def will take your advice next time Chav!

> (mwwoooahahahaha!)

>

> Sorry Lozzy if you were offended, I did kind of

> put the warning in bold type for those of a

> delicate disposition

yuck that put me right off my hotdog that did!!

[HonaloochieB]

Here we are in 2008 and corned beef still comes in a tapering tin which you have to open with a key that breaks the thin ribbon of metal halfway through the operation necessitating rummaging through your toolbox for a pair of pliers in order to complete the job and even then it only peels away a few millimetres at a time and then when it does finally complete the circuit of the tin you have to go and get a plaster for the cut you've managed to inflict on yourself then after prising the bottom half of the receptacle off you try to shake the meat onto a plate but oh no of course it doesn't budge and you have to pry the stuff out with a fork which invariably causes half of the contents to end up in a crumbly pile and then you manage to slice what remains but no matter what the shine has been taken off the enjoyment of your corned beef and Branston pickle sandwich.

Puts the whole oral sex matter into perspective I think.

[KalamityKel]

U can buy sliced corned beef ya know...

[lozzyloz]

Not offended at all.

*He says, as he licks his eyebrows*

[mockney piers]

Oh dear god lozzy, are you flirting?!

[lozzyloz]

No, just slicking my bushy eyebrows back.