Quiet room...

[????]

Settles in chair, pours Stella, hides NOTW inside MP's old and suspiciously 'weathered' copy of Razzle.

[Michael Palaeologus]

"Blimey Quids, I didnt think you could open the pages anymore! That Stella is she the last ever NOTW Lovely? Very worried about the situation in the Horm of Africa, 34-24-34?"

[maxxi]

*Shakes umbrella and enters gingerly... Gingerly complains loudly. Finds abandoned armchair and - kicking off unrecognisable magazine stuck to sole of shoe - sits in damp splendour and tries to identify the all pervading smell.*

[Huguenot]

*Hooks out furry pork pie from under chaise longue with a bent coathanger, much to the protests of Michael Paleologus, who now finds his PVC biker jacket sliding off the antimacassar*

[Moos]

Damp splendour? That's my coat, gerroff.

[Huguenot]

*Offers a brown faux leather jacket with padded shoulders and a 'V' down the back that was left under the pool table by way of recompense*

[maxxi]

My apologies Madam.

*gives Moos coat and notices smell seems to disappear. Finds cotton bud with only one end used - there are some real finds in here.*

[Moos]

It's my smell and I like it.

Whose is this coat, Huguenot?

[red devil]

*Enters room...sniffs...puts back BBC Good Food magazine cover over MP's prized Razzle...*

[Tarot]

Walks up to door pins a notice of Health and safety warning saying residents must clean their act up,

[Huguenot]

*Gives Tarot his jacket back*

[red devil]

*Pins H&S notice to dartboard...spies copy of 'Ready Meals For One CAN BE FUN!' on top of microwave...puts it back under wonky armchair leg...face down*

[red devil]

10 months later...

*Removes Crime Scene Investigation tape. Notices red stain on wall, and a half eaten mouldy loaf of bread curiously sitting in the half open top drawer of a wobbly Ikea set of chest drawers...*

[maxxi]

Step aside sonny - we've got the 'dozers in and this puppy is coming down

*shows change of use permit and truck full of breeze blocks and corrugated asbestos sheet*

If you're interested in a 'Unit' then you'll have to see the boss... when she gets back.

ETA: All this maintenance going on... perfect cover for some covert demolition and 're-assignment'...

[Huguenot]

*unashamedly dusts the red brick detritus from the donkey, pulls up a soiled sign for the swimming pool and shuffles out a bottle of Malibu from the antimacassar - coconut juice here!*

[Michael Palaeologus]

"Sod that! Re-develop the final resting place of Mrs Dobbin the Lactating Donkey?! Re-awake the frighful spectral Shade of Batdog?! Are you quite mad?"

"That animacassar is an East dulwich Holy Relic! The historic copy of Razzle stuffed down the side of the battered arm-chair is and example of the first time that the world was introduced to Dulwichmum"

"Step aside EDF Younglings, mere pups that have been posting for but a brief moment. HUGUENOT! The key to armoury! Swiftly Dear Chap, the elephant guns are required!!"

[maxxi]

Use it or lose it daddy-o

*wonders where the aroma of asafoetida is coming from?*

Dulwich mum has retired to Budleigh Salterton, Razzle is online and we ate the Donkey last Christmas as a delightfully piquant salami.

What are you hiding under that antimacassar?

*advances over a carpet of bhaji crumbs*

[Michael Palaeologus]

Typical of hormonal, spotty youths. It was your sort that built Peckham's high rise estates. The previous back to back slums with open sewers with 6 families in a room, were far more charming and picturesque. Dulwichmum called them home.

Anybody fancy a swim?

[Otta]

*chains self to Soda Stream machine*

[Guest]

*Catches sight of erotica display on ED library shelf. Wonders what kind of person borrows pornography from a public library.*

*Washes hands anyway.*

[Michael Palaeologus]

*I believe the erotica is the reading for the next meeting of the Green and Blue Book Club. Peckhamgatecrasher got them stocked at Chener Books specially*

*Well done Otta, thats the spirit. Could you do me a Cherryade, as you are conveniently placed?*

*Ta*

[Moos]

Splash!

[maxxi]

*lets fly with Sparklets syphon full of Tizer*

Chiz!

[red devil]

*Heavy artillery needed...shakes up bottle of Dandelion and Burdock*

''Die Mother F*ck*rs!..''

[Michael Palaeologus]

*Irn Bru! This will sort you out and melt your teeth!!*

*Just dont make the erotica collection sticky. For obvious reasons*