Quiet room...

[Michael Palaeologus]

*As the shadows fall, candles are lit around the bed of DM*

*Michael Palaeologus enters wearing a black Victorian suit, high collar shirt and a black top hat with a black silk scarf tied around it*

*How is the blessed DM? Are we near the end? It will be a blessed release*

[dulwichmum]

OHMYGOD! I am depressed Mr Popadopalopagus - not dying. Pass me some gin...

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

*Breaks out the Diazapam for DM* Steady on the mother's ruin, darling DM - these may be more appropriate.

[KalamityKel]

DM surely gin wont help... *passes the whisky round*

[Michael Palaeologus]

*Think of Heath Ledger DM before you take those pills and wash them down with gin and whisky*

*A good dose of Batdog would cheer her up, but I fear he is in Iraq selling guns to the natives*

[dulwichmum]

I thought that I was feeling sad before - and now you mention Batdog! OHMYGOD...

Crawls under the duvet with a box of Bendicks Bittermints and a bottle of gin...(wails - not Wales obviously)

[Michael Palaeologus]

*Oh the irony and Wales thrashed England last weekend - oh the joy in the Valleys and the DM household*

[dulwichmum]

My God - but that was a good party.

This place needs a good airing, I shall have my housekeeper get right to it with a damp duster and her trusty Nilfisk 90!

[wee quinnie]

Dulwich Mum - I am getting worried about you - you seem to be hitting the sauce really hard at the moment - this is what happens when you spend January de-toxing. Hope you're not turning into Britney.

*Exeunt pursued by bear.

[dulwichmum]

Dear Wee Quinnie,

You are right, I am off to rehab. An afternoon at Leslie Lille Green in the Village should do it...

[wee quinnie]

Oh well at least you won't be plagued by Britters terrible zit problem!

[dulwichmum]

God I look stunning!

[Michael Palaeologus]

You look .... amazing DM, just ready for a night out on the streets, sorry, town.

My mistake.

[SteveT]

Get a room

[dulwichmum]

Go get him Batdog...

[Michael Palaeologus]

You are fantasising again DM. Batdog is still in foreign parts selling military hardware.

[dulwichmum]

A girl can dream. Sniff...

[Michael Palaeologus]

Never mind Dear, have a hankie. Your nose is a little red.

[KalamityKel]

and your ears...

[dulwichmum]

Bounces into quiet room with enormous tray of Mojito Royale's and begins to flounce about distributing them to all.

Look guys, I have been shortlisted for this!

Now I just wonder who could possibly have nominated and voted for me?

Should I have Botox and a colonic just in case I win?

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Oh well done, Dulwich Mum. Let's break open the beluga too.

[dulwichmum]

I shall text the au pair and tell her to bring blini's and sour cream. I love Beluga darling. Do you have a tin opener?

[Michael Palaeologus]

Isnt Beluga a whale?

DULWICHMUM ATE WILLY EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

[dulwichmum]

Actually Michael darling, one of my cats is called Beluga, and I didn't eat him either! Here have some on a cracker...

[dulwichmum]

Wanders into quiet room with enormous sign saying;

"Where is Chav gone?"

Does anyone know where my playmate has disappeared to?