Bereavment and toddler

[midivydale]

My cousin to whom I was incredibly close has passed away suddenly at the age of 40.

A very sad and distressing time.

I will need to go home to sweden for the funeral and wonder if to leave my 14 month old in the UK with his dad. I have never been away from him over night before and would not contemplate it normally.

I am just thinking that I can be a better support for my aunt and my cousin's children if I dont have my son with me.

Any words of wisdom?

X

[Pickle]

I've just been through this, with the sad loss of my brother at the age of just 34 a few weeks ago.

I flew to NZ alone, having agonised over whether to take my youngest (16 months), and was very glad I did in the end. Being there by myself made it so much easier to focus on my parents, sister, and myself. It would have been stressful trying to deal with the requirements of a toddler through all of the upheaval of arranging a funeral and the associated things that go with it.

I don't regret my decision at all, it was the best thing to do in the circumstances.

So sorry for your loss.

P x

[Pickle]

Just to add... I'd never been away from her for longer than a few hours, and still breastfeed, so added stress. We ended up getting an emergency nanny as hubby had enough to deal with, given we have two older children, and it was a busy time at work. She was absolutely fine, in fact, she had a lovely time!

[Strawbs]

So sorry for the both of you. I went through this last year and flew to Australia and decided to leave baby straw a at home, it was incredibly hard but tbh it would have been so much harder if I had of taken him with me. As I'd not left him overnight before I expected him to be inconsolable without me but honestly he was fine much to my annoyance! (Not really annoyed of course).. X

[Otta]

I don't have experience of this, but there is no way I'd take a 14 month old along for this, it will add stress for all involved, including you and the baby.

Getting home to the baby will make you feel a little bit better I suspect.

[Saffron]

Little Saff was ~1 when my FiL died. Hubbie and I took her to his funeral and meeting all the distant family he hadn't seen in years. He was a bit worried about it, but in the end, her presence was a great comfort to him and his extended family. Of course this was local, and there were the two of us to look after Little Saff all the time. If you have to travel without your partner, then the stress of travelling may be an important consideration. Although, personally, I think I would want to take my daughter with me, and I know that my overseas family would also want to see her. But there's no right or wrong answer. I think you just have to do what feels right for you and your family. xx

[midivydale]

Thank you all, that is another good point saffron. Bringing my son would be a source of comfort for many of my relatives.

I will have a think. Thank you everyone and for all lovely well wishes.

[Pickle]

I guess jet lag won't be an issue for you, which will make it easier if you do go. For me, the thought of 30 hours of flying alone with a scratchy toddler, followed by a mere 5 days in NZ with a jet lagged toddler, pretty much made my mind up!

While my parents would have loved to see my little one, I also know my Mum would then have worried about cooking, getting bedrooms ready etc, which wasn't what I wanted her to be doing.

[midivydale]

Pickle - firstly I am so sorry to hear of your brother. It must be a heartbreaking time for you and your family. Such a long flight home makes it a very different decision. I am fortunate that in this case it takes me 90 min to fly to Sweden so the travel doesnt even have to be a factor.

I posted as I was feeling anxious about leaving my little one behind as I have never been away from him overnight. I guess I was after some reassurance that he would be ok. Thank you for giving me that - and to strawbs!

I am also very keen to ensure that I can be there for my aunt and the two boys. They are in a very bad way and they need me. But then again, my parents are so anxious to see baby I and would be disapointed if he didnt come.

Will speak to my other half tonight.

Thank You again ladies.

[midivydale]

Right - Baby Ivydale and Mr Ivydale are both comming. I hope that this is the right decision. Thank you all for your input and to those who sent PM's too.

X

[Belle]

Aw Midivydale, that sounds like the perfect solution. I'm so sorry about your news though. Hope the trip goes ok. Meet up when you are back? xxx

[matnurse1983]

I am sorry to hear about your loss Midivydale. It is good to know that Mr Ivydale is going with you and your son. He will be able to take care of baby Ivydale when you are helping with the arrangements.

Take care of yourself and each other.

D x