Is it just me?

[RenF]

My daughter is now nearly 18 months and over the last few weeks has started to assert herself a little more vigorously!

I was prepared for this (although still find it incredibly frustrating some days when EVERYTHING causes hysteria!) but wasn't prepared for it to coincide with a real "daddy" phase.

Trying to be rational about it but it is hard when she has just flipped her lid about a nappy change but then daddy walks in the room and he gets "Dada!" and a lovely smile and cuddle...

Of course, she does have tantrums when he is trying to do things with her too but it seems she is more stroppy with me in general.

Practising my deep breathing...

[tiddles]

oo the little madam. Rather than get frustrated, when she is having her daddy moment, sneak off and get a coffee.

[midivydale]

Yup us too but my son is younger (15 months). I get the "no no no no" and daddy gets massive cuddles and kisses.

[Ole]

Been there, done that, and at 3 years old we now get the 'I'm not your friend' but at least this goes to both mummy AND daddy!

[Otta]

It might seem that way (my wife has said similar when our girls have been all about me), but these things work in roundabouts. My younger (22m) girl is absolutely refusing to give me a cuddle or anything at the moment (cow).

[Jo'sEnglish]

Yes, my son (20 months) is exactly the same and has been for a while. If Dad is around he only wants him, I regularly get pushed out of the room and the door closed in my face! If Dad is there I'm not allowed to change a nappy, wash his hands, do anything (yes, it does have it's up side!!)

If Dad isn't there he is fine though and very loving. Other people regularly comment on how much he loves his Mum...

Our theory is he just sees his Dad less so he is just filling up on Daddy time while he is there. But yes, it can be frustrating...

[LondonMix]

I think that theory is right! My male cousin works from home and his wife works in an office. They have the exact opposite dynamic as even though he's not taking care of them during the day (they have a nanny), they see him while he's working in his office :)

[Lula]

No, it's not just you. My 3 y.o. Is being a terror at the moment - it seems there are challenges at every age. He is terrorising his younger sister who has just started crawling so is now in to everything, including his toys. I can't really leave them alone for very long at all. This brawling behaviour coupled with whiney requests and tears at the drop of the hat make for trying days. I can't wait for the weather to get better so we can just head out all day, then he can run off some steam! Come on British summer - where are you?!

[jennyh]

Same here, mine is 2 and she started this around 18 months. SHe now really plays us against each other but it goes both ways, cries for daddy when I'm being tough and trying to get her to brush teeth etc, and then vice versa. I'm definitely the bad cop but I quite like that, gets things done even if it comes with tears. I would say that you def need to agree with your husband what your stance on it is, we try not to confirm her behaviours so if I'm doing her nappy and she cries for daddy, he comes in and is equally tough and backs me up! It's a tag team, both have to support each other. She's pretty sly for a toddler and is learning exactly what she can get away with! That said bedtime with daddy can take an hour 'more books daddy, no this sleeping bag, water please, other teddy' whereas I am much more I he point! Fun daddy, boring shouty mummy. :-)

[RenF]

It's such a balance. I did recently say to her dad that I can't be the only 'mean' one (teeth brushing, hair washing etc etc)- and although I don't think he deliberately avoids those jobs I have just always done them (I guess because I was at home and he wasn't so much for the first year).

It doesn't just seem to be about being mean mummy though, she just generally now seems more interested in daddy, whereas once it was all about me (sob!). Like lots of kids she says "daddy" but rarely calls me "mummy". In fact, gallingly I recently realised she has stopped calling her favourite bunny "bubu" and now refers to it as "mummy!". Thanks kid...

[Ole]

It is a developmental thing, at around the age of 2 children realise that there is life outside of mummy and that daddy is there too. They go in phases and depending on whether it is a boy or a girl they will seek out either mummy or daddy at different stages in their lives. I think it is hard for mums because for the first couple of years they are so dependent on you and you spend soooo much time with them that it is difficult not to take it personally, but it means that the child is developing emotionally so you just need to be pragmatic about it, set boundaries, and remember that they are learning to find their own feet.

[canela]

leave Daddy to babysit for an afternoon and go and get yourself some "me" time....

[Pickle]

My kids are often in a major meltdown state by bath time, especially the littlest one. Hearing Daddy's key in the door transforms them into charming little angels. Frustrating, but I'm sure it would be the other way round if they'd been with him all day (right?).

[snowboarder]

Pickle Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> My kids are often in a major meltdown state by

> bath time, especially the littlest one. Hearing

> Daddy's key in the door transforms them into

> charming little angels. Frustrating, but I'm sure

> it would be the other way round if they'd been

> with him all day (right?).

Weirdly, daddy returning at bedtime is actually something I dread!! My boys turn from tired and relatively compliant to wildly overexcited things flying naked around the house! Bath takes an age and there are many, many stories...too much!!

Mine have never been too bad with 'favourites' although we do try to make sure we don't really entertain them demanding one or the other of us...I am always the mean one though....!!

[canela]

actually I'm not sure whether it depends on who they see most of - or whether it's a mum/dad thing. i'm out at work all day and my husband does the school runs and after-school care. of course, they are overjoyed to see me and it's all hugs and kisses when i arrive. but then they behave really badly when i am there - much worse than when i am not. it might be something about fighting for my attention i think, or just some kind of mum-effect. sometimes i have watched them through the window for a few moments and all is happiness and smiles, and as soon as they hear that key in the lock the little one comes wailing to tell me all the terrible things her brother has done to her that day! the difference is so marked that i always make sure i leave early for work in the morning - even if i have a late start - as my husband says having me around makes the morning routine so much harder. he just has it down pat and i get in the way...

[gillandjoe]

I definitely feel this pain! I am home full-time with my 20 month old and am definitely treated like an old boot whenever daddy is around.

Seriously though... if you have issues with your self-esteem (ahem, i do!) it can be pretty painful when I'm not enjoying it for the break that it is. I kind of have this fear that even my son won't like me and then where will i be? Too much disclosure, I guess, but I wondered if anyone else felt similarly?

[reren]

Gillandjo - that sounds really hard - but you must try and see that this is developmental - nothing to do with you at all! My son is the opposite - wants to be w mummy and pushes away daddy - and I can very clearly see it isn't actually anything to do with me being better - but he just sees more of daddy (who is at home more) and its part of a toddler style power game. I think sometimes he just says something like 'I want my mummy' in order to be able to make a fuss about something! My husband finds it hard sometimes - and it is hard to have the person you adore most in the world being mean to you - but this will pass! They get much nicer around 4 I hear! make sure you get out and talk to other mums and dads who are going through the same thing - it is sooo common might make you take it less to heart too realise that.