Toddlers - why the Stalin impression?

[reren]

I'm intrigued - so this one is for all you amateur child psychologists out there (and hopefully one or two professionals!) : what is it about toddlers and their need to control EVERYTHING?! My once sweet docile little boy is such a tyrant these days - 'you sit here', 'you play with me' etc. Is it that they have discovered they can have some control over their surroundings and it goes to their head and they become power crazed or is there something important happening developmentally? And therefore - how much is it good to follow their 'orders' (only word for it) and how much to push back / tell them to put a sock in it! :-). Currently i do a lot of sitting in uncomfortable positions on the floor, in small space between bath and corner(!), etc, but draw the line at allowing daddy to be told he isn't allowed into the kitchen etc. but what is it all about?

[StraferJack]

haha - definitely going through a similar stage here. It's not just the orders but the PRECISION required to follow those orders

"sit here"

ok

"no not there here!" - points to a spot which looks exactly where I am

repeat x 10

I'm just going along with it as I have every other phase - they all seem to expire after a few weeks

[mima08]

hahaha - yes, it does remind me of my history studies (Russia under Stalin...). We have a lot of "have to" as in "you have to read to me", "you have to give me" etc.

My son also throws in the archtypal behaviour of someone in a foreign country: if I don't comprehend / comply immediately, he keeps saying the same thing just louder and louder.... I try to pick my battles.

The only thing that has some limited success is long-winded expectation management: i.e. about 30min before I want him to do something (like putting on his shoes), I start saying "we will do xyz now and then put on our shoes to go to the park/playground/shop

Hope it's a phase - but it's been lasting fairly long already....

[Yak]

I hear you all loud and clear. I was told off for looking at my toddler the other day. Just looking. But given that he had crept into our bed in the wee small hours of the morning I suspect this diktat was to prevent me from "noticing" a wriggly addition to the bed.

[StraferJack]

"The only thing that has some limited success is long-winded expectation management: i.e. about 30min before I want him to do something (like putting on his shoes), I start saying "we will do xyz now and then put on our shoes to go to the park/playground/shop "

This this this - it's not foolproof but it works most of the time

I should also add that small revenge is possible. Even though she loves the ?but why?? times 10 questions, if I do teh same to her she gets really annoyed at being asked ?but why? after only 2 times

* Serious face *

?Daddy stop it! Why are saying why all the time??

I'm a bad man

[mima08]

Haha - I like the revenge tactic! (Un)fortunately, mine hasn't started on the "why / why not" yet, but am sure to wreak that revenge when it comes!

As for the expectation management: I have considered recording my voice on the phone, as I get rather bored saying the same thing every few min.

And I must have gone wrong somewhere, because if I threaten "shall I get you", he thinks I am proposing a game of catch, giggles and runs away (sometimes even in the direction I want him to go). It breaks the mood, though, so I am sticking with it for the mo...

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Let's hope it's not a five year plan!

[reren]

The naughty step is a comPlete waste of time as when we threaten that he shouts 'yippee' and runs to sit on it!!

[jennyh]

Exactly with you on this, my 26 month old is so bossy and rude. When I tell her to ask for something nicely I get a sarcastic teenager style 'pleeeease' complete with moody face. She stomps around ordering us about and telling us off for everything! I'm just trying reiterate that she has to say things nicely or she won't get a response, not to be rude and attempting to teach her once she has made a decision she can't change it a million times. Goes hand in hand with the bossing we find, it's our fault she changes her mind apparent, that she's picked the wrong apple etc etc!

[bluesuperted]

Have you seen these clips, I love them!

http://m.youtube.com/#/user/ConvosWith2YrOld?&desktop_uri=%2Fuser%2FConvosWith2YrOld

[mima08]

OMG - that is the funniest thing I have seen this year!

[MichelleT]

I think its funny. But yes, of course its about control. Imagine being a toddler, literally unable to decide anything for yourself, and constantly told what to do, what to eat, where to sit. They have to take some power back!

http://www.whattoexpect.com/toddler/behavior/bossiness.aspx

[mima08]

yes - I agree it must be frustrating. And hearing his "have to", "have to" all the time makes me realise how much I probably use it - have to find better words!

ps: my post about above referred to the youtube vids: very funny - not the stalin behaviour :)