Free the Dulwich One

[Michael Palaeologus]

Nobody could have missed the anniversary of the end of slavery in Britain.

William Wilberforce worked hard and long to end slavery (admittedly he wasnt as saintly as history has made out), however there is still a clear case of servitude in our midst.

A young woman dragged from her mother's breast from far distant eastern and rather chilly lands, made to serve as cleaner, cook, wet nurse, chimney sweep, loom cleaner, match box maker, boot black manufacturer and handmaiden in a certain home in Dulwich.

This innocent has since been made to undertake moist cleaning and hoovering whilst scantily clad in the Quiet Room. To add insult to injury, she has then put in charge of the wiping up after a certain incontinent dog of this parish.

I speak of course of ANA - the Latvian whose dudgery has been advertised in this vey forum. Paid a mere 5.45p an hour she is has even been forced to carry her mistress to the Blue Mountain Cafe on her back whilst at the same time acting as a wet nurse.

Down with this sort of thing!!

[dulwichmum]

Dear Mr Mikewbate,

If you ask me you are far too pre-occupied with the thought of breasts and 'wet nursing' than could possibly be healthy. Shame on you. I am sure there is a name for that kind of thing, and if you were in Latvia - you could well end up on a ducking stool.

I never allow my au pair to be scantily clad - not while there is breath in my body and my husband has a pulse and an enormous bank balance.

Ana has a lovely little box room on top of the garage, - why when the moon is full and she can see the light shining through the tiles - it is almost as good as a window (when it is not raining). Ana is here to improve her English and for that reason - I speak to her and even text her on occasion. I actually pay her ?2.42 per hour before deductions for board and lodging - and as I am sure you will agree the cost of living in London is outragous. Yes, I occasionally require her to work over and above her agreed 68 hours per week, and I sometimes pay her literally dozens of pence extra for the inconvenience caused.

Your description of the poor girl bearing me on her back to Blue Mountain Cafe is nothing but a cruel manufactured slur. I never drink anything but Starbucks coffee, and that is why I was on her back - it is a long walk from my house to North Dulwich Station - where we caught the train to London Bridge. I sat on the seats on the train for the duration of the train journey. Any more of that slander and I will see you in court!

Ana is delighted with her position in my wonderful home, she is a girl of few needs and simple tastes, why all that she wants from life is to marry a man who owns his own donkey.

Mr Mikewbate, if you consider yourself to be that man, keep it to yourself for the next six months, I want to get at least a year out of this girl before she is (burned out) ready to leave my employ.

I'm watching you. Who do you think you are? Martin Luthor Bate?

[Michael Palaeologus]

Bah - see how the self serving oppressor of the masses squirms beneath the unwavering critique of the proletariat.

Having said that,

I dont have a donkey, but I could get one

[dulwichmum]

I warn you Mr Mikewbate, there are few crimes considered to be quite as henious as the poaching of good 'help' in SE21. Do not even consider the purchase of your donkey until the beginning of October, when Ana was scheduled to leave us anyhow. Dulwichmums are very protective of their 'help', I will have my eye on you until then.

[Michael Palaeologus]

Shocking. We have reached the era of the disposable person. There are sanctuaries for cast-off donkeys. A cast-off Au-pair has nothing to look forward to but a decline into the seedy side of life or a return to the blasted wastes of the eastern Europe.

This poor woman isnt some form of human commodity to be squabled over - she is a living breathing person with feelings and needs and desires for fresh fields and flowers and .... stuff.

Does this signal the downfall of Dulwich-mum? Revealed as a human trafficer and Batdog stalker?

[dulwichmum]

I most certainly am not a human trafficer as per your accusation. I would keep Ana forever if it was not for her damn Visa.

However, if you get yourself a donkey I shall hand her over to you on the 31st September in exchange perhaps for a new designer handbag and a large gift voucher from Lesley Lille Green in the Village (shall we say worth approx ?500?)

[Michael Palaeologus]

So, you dont deny the Bat-Dog stalking?

[dulwichmum]

Ha, ha, ha. No, I am undeniable 'drawn' to Mr Batdog, and concerned for his whereabouts in a friendly way.

[Michael Palaeologus]

So, stalking in a friendly way is it?

[CrystalClear]

sorry, haven't bothered reading this really, just the last bit about Mr B. Where is he these days, he's not still sulking is he? (Last post I saw he was going on about the ides of march, and that picture!). Where is he DM?!?!?!

[dulwichmum]

Dear Mr CrystalClear,

He has tired of us, and does not love us any more!

[Huguenot]

No, no he was here in the last 24 hours... try clicking on his name in a previous post and going to his profile. You can then click on 'all posts from batdog' to see when his last one was (it comes top!!)

[Ant]

It's witchcraft, I tells ye.

[dulwichmum]

I definitely think we need a ducking stool. Mr Mikewbate looks to me like a good candidate for it - if he can bear to sit on a stool after Mr Batdog is finished with his bottom...

[Michael Palaeologus]

I am not a witch or a whale I am a bloke. Mr Batdog is also none of these - perhaps he is a bloke. I will gain my revenge on the little rump-muncher.

Ducking stool - sounds like a idea for the ED spring festival to me.

[capt_birdseye]

Perhaps Batdog has been in Russia

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/4489792.stm

[capt_birdseye]

...or China

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2253033.html?menu=

[dulwichmum]

Those are dreadful stories, now I am beside myself with concern for my special chum.

[Michael Palaeologus]

Given his lack of response - I would timidly suggest that your feelings are to an extent not so strongly reciprocated

D-M. Perhaps you are frightening him away?

[dulwichmum]

I know Mr Mikewbate. He has cast me aside, like an old ... handbag!