Am I being unreasonable

[Clare11]

Just wanted to get a gauge of how unreasonable I'm being.

We have very noisy neighbours, whose shenanigans will regularly wake up myself and my son.

Apart from having to tell him the 'rabbits' are awake again upstairs, I don't want to have to start explaining to my 2 year old what's actually going on.

Am I being unreasonable to want to give them a note asking them politely to please keep it down! My husband would prefer to say nothing.

Last night I wasn't woken by the thunder or lightning, but by the very loud racket going on upstairs at 12.30.

Obviously they have a right to do whatever they like but as this has happened in the daytime and nighttime, waking my son from a nap on more than one occasion, I think I have a right to say something.

But how on earth do you tell someone to keep the noise down without offending them?

We are usually very cordial with them and I don't want to ruin that.

[BeccaL]

Sorry to be blunt, do you mean you can hear them having sex, or just the general noise that they make? If so, I'd discretely tell them - would imagine they'd be mortified rather than offended. You could say that the soundproofing between your flats isn't very good, and see if they take the hint...

[Clare11]

Yes,sex noises. But it's more than furniture noise from that that's the problem. And it's not just the bed from what I can gather (generally I try not to think about it)!

Should I slip a note under the door, or just mention it in person?

[BeccaL]

I'd mention in person (when child not around) because easy to pretend note not seen! Really difficult to know what to say, but if you play "I'm sure you didn't realise" card, they kind of have to react to that in such a way that they acknowledge exactly what you're saying! good luck

[LondonMix]

Note-- less akward for all involved. Try to make a joke of it in the note (rather jealous or that sort of thing) but mention that its waking up your son. If they are even remotely reasonable people, they will be more quiet. No one likes the idea of a child hearing them have sex :)

[womanofdulwich]

You could ask them in for a drink and mention it then?

ALso worth trying to find out if they have carpets down with underlay to dampen the noise. There is a reason that leases of flats specifically say that there should be fitted carpets and underlay.

[sunbob]

They probably don't realise you can hear them. If you can work out when they are likely to be quietly sleeping you could make the same kinds of sounds very loudly then, so that they will realise how the sound travels. (Alternatively you could stamp loudly on the floor and shout shut up as was my other half's preferred method to gain immediate mortification/results, but then he is often unreasonable!).

[GinaG3]

I've lived with neighbours on 4 sides for 4 years now. I find it insufferable sometimes but find it really awkward to say anything. I have full blown fighting between teenagers below me radiator rattling and all, rowing from next door, quiet neighbours on the other side and manic kids upstairs that sound like they are sumo wrestling all day long. Sometimes well into 2am in the flat below. My daughter now nearly 5 sleeps through everything! One day me and my daughter were playing wii (social hours), we have squeaky floorboards so downstairs could obviously hear it, they had the cheek to bang on the ceiling to get us to stop after everything I've put up with from them including all out raves that start at 11pm!

If your the sort to not feel awkward with saying something by all means do, I would love to be that person. Good on you. You shouldn't have to suffer another households noise within your property.

The noise continues here..

[RoLo1]

I had this, used to be 5am shenanigans which considering I am not a light sleeper must have been v loud. I wrote a letter that appeared polite and considerate, but can't remember how I worded it but it would have been embarrassing to receive, esp for the male flat owner I would imagine (I think I made a reference to the noise, although loud, not lasting that long, something along those lines). It did the job! You could always 'blame' it entirely on your son - ie 'never noticed the noise before but now that my son calls me day and night when he hears it, I am afraid I am also feeling like I am privy to your personal life, and uncomfortable for his sake and mine...' Etc?

[Clare11]

Love the wording RoLo1, great suggestions too about not noticing til son did.

We are underneath the noise so will mention the underlay, I think they have laminate.

Most of the time the noise is fine, when they're walking about etc. It's just the sex that sounds tantric bonkers!

That's it!

Dear Tantric Bonkers.....