Interesting article about praising children

[HollieES]

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/peaceful-parents-happy-kids/201307/what-every-parent-needs-know-about-praise

[reren]

Interesting - I just read something similar in a book about psychology (the explored mind - or something like that). But to me it just doesn't really ring true...in my experience people who's parents heaped lots of praise and attention on them are well adjusted and feel good about themselves - its the much more common issue of parents constantly criticising that causes problems...I can see some value to what the article is getting at - but I think over analyzing how you interact with your children might be a problem in and of itself- surely you want to do what comes naturally to you - I think I'd feel a bit weird if (rather than saying - well done, aren't you clever) I found myself saying 'look at how impressed everyone is with you' or whatever the 'right' style of praise might be...

[Mens]

mmmmm.....There are some people who give up on things that they are not instantly good at but I think that's a personality type and alot more complex than being related just to parental praise...

[Bellenden Belle]

http://www.ascd.org/publications/educational-leadership/oct07/vol65/num02/The-Perils-and-Promises-of-Praise.aspx

There's an interesting theory posed by psychologist Carol Dweck about praise. To sum it up - it is better to praise the effort a child makes than the end result. If an educator praises a child when they have correctly finished something the child is less likely to tackle a harder task for fear of losing that praise if they struggle with it.

I think the problem with the original article posted is that it suggests praise can devalue the activity - be it reading, eating vegetables,etc - I don't believe this to be true. But I do believe praise can put unnecessary emphasis on achieving, rather than doing.

[mima08]

I have come across the effect that reward has on effort elsewhere - in designing employment reward packages, in fact. There is a school of thought that says (in very simplified terms): rewards in form of bonuses etc undermine the intrinsic desire of wanting to do a good job and leads to behaviours that focus on short term results. It also suggests that people who have an intrinsic enjoyment of whatever their job is, are happier and do a better job (the answer is to provide a good work environment, appropriate remuneration and support to let people do a good job).

Applying all of this to children, I read the article to mean that (too) frequent reward for outcomes/ achievement could have an effect of undermining a child's desire to do something for the sake of doing.

I have read similar theories as BB that state it is better to praise children for effort as effort is something that is within their control (i.e. they can always try). Whereas praising for something like being "smart" or an end result, could undermine confidence because those things are not necessarily within the child's control. An example would be to praise a child for reading a book by saying "well done, you finished the whole book, wasn't that fun?" would focus on the enjoyment of doing the activity as opposed to saying "if you read the book/ you get an A/ etc. you can have xyz".

I have personal experience of a teenager who was always praised for being so smart: "he doesn't even need to try, still gets great school results". That didn't work when it came to A-levels and he is still (3years later!) very reluctant to try something that appears hard, for fear of failing. Of course, this is just one case, and I am sure there are many more reasons for this behaviour, but I do try to emphasis effort over outcomes with my little son.

Would love to hear more researched (and experienced) opinions...

[LondonMix]

100% agree with all of that BB

Bellenden Belle Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> http://www.ascd.org/publications/educational-leade

> rship/oct07/vol65/num02/The-Perils-and-Promises-of

> -Praise.aspx

>

> There's an interesting theory posed by

> psychologist Carol Dweck about praise. To sum it

> up - it is better to praise the effort a child

> makes than the end result. If an educator praises

> a child when they have correctly finished

> something the child is less likely to tackle a

> harder task for fear of losing that praise if they

> struggle with it.

>

> I think the problem with the original article

> posted is that it suggests praise can devalue the

> activity - be it reading, eating vegetables,etc -

> I don't believe this to be true. But I do believe

> praise can put unnecessary emphasis on achieving,

> rather than doing.

[El Pibe]

hmm weird one. I can believe that if you praise someone for something that should be inherently rewarding they might wonder what the catch is.

For starters I'd never praise for eating veg, but I use garlic and chilli rather than sugar!

[Dodie]

Very interesting article. Thanks for posting it, Hollie.

[fl0wer]

Yes - very thought-provoking.

Could I add that everyone, of whatever age, has probably got a bullshit detector. If the praise isn't genuine your ears can pick it up.

As an adult I know that means the speaker has got an ulterior motive. That's such a useful self-protective life skill.

But if children are taught only through tiny doses of praise (i.e. so they won't get 'big headed', etc) they suffer from filtering out positivity. They can't glow or retain any sense of pride in something, only concentrate on failures and scrambling to do better. In this regard the article raises important points.

Environments in which praise is measured as if there is never enough to go round, are often created by abusive and controlling personalities.

To give others, including a child, real and spontaneous appreciation seems to be the crucial thing.