The Old Fogies Thread

[HonaloochieB]

Front bottom? Women's troubles? This thread has taken a turn for the bawdy.

Honestly I don't know where to put my face.

[citizenED]

Radio, HonaloochieB? Wireless, surely.

[Michael Palaeologus]

I was up and about at 4am today. Didnt see any youngster about at all. Shocking.

[HonaloochieB]

4am? Ah well you're entitled to the odd lie-in.

[Michael Palaeologus]

Eh? What? Speak up! Stop muttering!

[Brendan]

Ms B Wrote:

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> The grown men are worse. Do they stand up

> respectfully when a woman enters the room? Do they

> stand back to let you get on the train safely in

> your kitten heels? Do they offer you their seat

> with a cheerful smile and ready 'please, take

> mine'?

>

> Do they buggery.

You know this actually really irritates me. Every morning and evening I stand aside for the ladies to get on the bus and train first. Mostly though I end up standing aside for all the besuited fucksticks who push on without a care in the world for anything but themselves.

Though these days that probably counts as sexist behaviour and as soon as the thought police read this they?ll be ?round my house with one of them asbos to strap around my ankle.

[david_carnell]

Brendan:

1) You are a gent. Well done sir.

2) Can I purchase the term "fuckstick" from you? I rather like it.

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Brendan, don't stop. No true lady will ever gainsay you.

[Brendan]

That will be two and sixpence please.

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Brendan the clippy. Wonderful image.

[mockney piers]

I hate to add to the new fangled pottymouthity going on here, but Brendan's "fucksticks", at the time referring to the spiky-haired variety found in the frontbottom fishbowl (to paraphrase) that is Foxtons, was far and away my favourite neoligism of 2007.

I reiterate my bravo to you sir.

...

Bravo.

[Brendan]

The Frontbottom Fishbowl [sic], one of Mr Carnell?s if my memory serves, is one of my favourites. I used it to great comic effect recently whilst showing some out-borough friends around Lordship Lane.

Felt right witty I did and passed it off as one of mine.

[david_carnell]

Ah, as much as I really would love to claim cuntaquarium - let's not beat around the bush (ahem) here boys - I'm afriad 'tis not mine.

Own up - who's the pottymouth who thought of that?

[Michael Palaeologus]

"David" - *Stern look* "Bowl of water, bar of coaltar soap. You know what to do"

[citizenED]

Hmmblugh... what-o...hmm. must have dozed off for a second there. Put the kettle on, Mabel.

[SeanMacGabhann]

re:C***aquarium - was it snorks?

[mockney piers]

wasn't it a comedian at the gut-rocking?

[georgia]

Yes it was

[SeanMacGabhann]

reported by Mark - that's it. Good shout Piers. (I was there that night I should have remembered)

[HonaloochieB]

Michael Palaeologus Wrote:

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> "David" - *Stern look* "Bowl of water, bar of

> coaltar soap. You know what to do"

Ah but does he, MP? Does he?

It seems to me that these young fellows today conduct their ablutions with bottles of vivid colour unguents, smelling of lavender geranium or pansy.

They also contain essential oils, whatever they might be when they're at home, but not 3-In-1 I'll be bound.

Give the youth of today a bar of soap and they'd likely as not eat it.

I don't know.

I really don't.

[Brendan]

Mind your language young man or I?ll wash your mouth out with all natural, organic, sea mineral and ylang-ylang, exfoliating body scrub.

[Michael Palaeologus]

"Give the youth of today a bar of soap and they'd likely as not eat it"

More likely snort it or inject it. Bloody tear-aways.

Is it time for my nap yet?

Oh lawks there is an RAF flypast on the telly soon, must stay awake for that. The only thing that is worth watching nowadays, that and the Antiques Roadshow, even that has gone down the hill since Hugh Skully left.

[MadWorld74]

why do i smell of cabbage and piss?

[HonaloochieB]

Michael Palaeologus Wrote:

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> The only thing

> that is worth watching nowadays....the

> Antiques Roadshow, even that has gone down the

> hill since Hugh Skully left.

Have you seen who's taking over the next series? Fiona Bruce. Yes you heard right Fiona Bruce.

That's 44 year old Fiona Bruce. Ruddy female's barely out of a gymslip and they've got her presenting a show about antiques.

It'll be full of Pyrex, Tupperware and Barbie dolls you mark my words.

We're going to hell in a handcart.

[Michael Palaeologus]

Fiona Bruce, just out of a gymslip...... oh my. Where are my heart pills? The little orange ones.

I am having one of my turns.