The Old Fogies Thread

[HonaloochieB]

I suppose it's kind of you to profer the advice Ms B, and of corse myself and my companion are no strangers to the harsh realities of modern life. It's just that we'd probably rather not have the word 'vomit' intruding upon our illicit sojourn.

There's scandal enough without that.

We've both just checked our diaries, and realised we have booked intimacy for the Sunday morning.

So no wellies will be necessary.

[HonaloochieB]

Unless my companion has 'interests' that she hasn't decided to share with me of course.

I sincerely trust I haven't bitten off more than I can chew.

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Argos can supply rings at a modest price. Re the Bish - merely bow/curtsey, mutter "Your Grace" and you should get away with it. If it gets hairy, mention the Irish Embassy.

[HonaloochieB]

Thinking further, I hope that biting off and chewing doesn't feature prominently in the weekend's activities.

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

HonaloochieBobbit?

[HonaloochieB]

HonaloochieB Wrote:

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> Thinking further, I hope that biting off and

> chewing doesn't feature prominently in the

> weekend's activities.

Apart from the normal consumption of Brighton Rock of course.

[HonaloochieB]

Peckhamgatecrasher Wrote:

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> Argos can supply rings at a modest price. Re the

> Bish - merely bow/curtsey, mutter "Your Grace" and

> you should get away with it. If it gets hairy,

> mention the Irish Embassy.

Of course PGC, how could I forget the good people of Elizabeth Duke? Thanks.

As for the bishop encounter, how did you find out the name of my companion?

What makes you think I'd share her with a member of the clergy? Even one who'd risen to that sort of rank.

Even if she'd consent. Which she might. Or not.

I think I'll get in touch with the Irish Embassy now, just to be on the safe side.

[HonaloochieB]

Does anyone know where a fellow might purchase brass collar studs?

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Soho?

[HonaloochieB]

Peckhamgatecrasher Wrote:

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> Soho?

Thank you for your advice PGC.

I shall take a saunter round there tomorrow, and see exactly what the shops have in the way of brass.

[HonaloochieB]

Unfortunately PGC my efforts came to naught.

I went to the Soho area and was pleased to see guides of all descriptions on the street. I approached one and asked about brass collar studs, but there was a misunderstanding.

The chap told me that he could understand my wanting to be 'collared' and took me, with a certain amount of force it has to said, to a nearby apartment. There I was offered a choice between a gentleman who was apparently prepared to have sex with my wife or a lady who proposed congresss for money. I explained to the gentleman that I am a batchelor and to the lady that I did not have sufficient funds for her kind offer. Their agent appered nonplussed and bundled me to the street with no little ceremony. The lady in question gave me a postcard sized business card which I shall treasure.

Afterwards I strolled about and came to shop which promised a 'Guaranteed Stiffener', of course I was not in the market for collar bones, but I thought that if they were purveying those then brass studs could not be far behind.

How wrong I was. All I was offered was magazines with photographs of 'ladies' (I use the term as a convenience) who had no use for either underwear or dignity, disporting themselves in poses that would shock a Frenchman. I could barely contain my horror, and left with nothing more than half a dozen flyers and details of a website.

I think that perhaps, all things considered I should purchase shirts with attached collars.

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Slip of the keyboard, old boy, I meant Jermyn Street of course.

[HonaloochieB]

Peckhamgatecrasher Wrote:

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> Slip of the keyboard, old boy, I meant Jermyn

> Street of course.

Actually PGC I've just checked and apparently there's a 'shirtmaker' in Jermyn Street going by the name of Turnbull & Asser.

Given my recent experiences in the heart of London's busy West End I can only assume that their name is some sort of code, and that they cater for the more 'specialised' types of sexual pecadillo.

I shall be giving them a wide berth.

[Tony.London Suburbs]

Sir Gerald Nabarro would have a great deal to say about this thread.

[HonaloochieB]

Tony.London Suburbs Wrote:

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> Sir Gerald Nabarro would have a great deal to say

> about this thread.

Ah, old Gerry Nab, a fogey's fogey.

[HonaloochieB]

LouieM Wrote:

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> Hello,

>

> Any idea where good looking single men from East

> Dulwich go on a Friday night or do they all stay

> out in town? Going out with my (gorgeous yet

> single) sister tonight but the last time we went

> out in ED we were sorely disappointed by the

> talent - especially in the Palmerston. Any ideas

> gratefully received!

I'm wondering if it's just me, but does LouieM not seem like a fast cat?

[HonaloochieB]

My shoulder's giving me the right gyp.

Anyone know where I can get some Fiery Jack?

[Michael Palaeologus]

Does anybody else find that they have to say "Oooof" whn they get up, or it down, or do anything.

[SteveT]

One has to be grateful to get up, or down, at this stage of the game.

[Moos]

.

[SteveT]

Moos dear you cannot qualify for this thread, you are farrrrrrrrrrrrrrr too young.

You must learn not to allow your imagination to run riot, like your previous post on this thread.

. for example,

is totally uncontrolled

[HonaloochieB]

SteveT Wrote:

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> Moos dear you cannot qualify for this thread, you

> are farrrrrrrrrrrrrrr too young.

>

> You must learn not to allow your imagination to

> run riot, like your previous post on this thread.

>

> . for example,

>

> is totally uncontrolled

I have to agree Steve, I thought there was a sense of abandon in .

I reckon she's got hold of some Fiery Jack.

[Tony.London Suburbs]

Fiery Jack has got hold of our Moos(?)(6)

Return her, at once, to her spiritual home, you fiend(!)

p.s Moosy did you notice the "space" after those comma's?

Are you proud of me or what?(tu)

[Moos]

Dearest Tony, my eyes are welling with tears of pride. He's a credit to me, that boy.

[HonaloochieB]

A young woman I work with is wearing her coat in the office. I pointed out that she wouldn't feel the benefit when she went out.

All I got was shrug. You can't tell them anything, can you?