Kleptomaniac child

[susyp]

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[mummy007]

This sounds awful and upsetting for you (particularly the bullying fears).

My child is sometimes kleptomaniac and takes other kids stuff - especially toy money! You have just reminded me that I need to follow this up more and find and return items she takes.

We don't endorse stealing, we're just a busy busy family.

I would explain to the other mum how important this toy is to your daughter and ask her if she could have an extra special look? Other mums have asked me this before - luckily for items my daughter's properly borrowed though :-)

Good luck!

[susyp]

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[Saffron]

YES, you need to step in on playdates to mediate this behaviour. 5 yo is too young to know how to handle this without consistently having seen an adult do it.

And if you have another playdate, try to make it on neutral territory like park/caf?, not your home. Otherwise you could be back in the same pickle again no matter how closely you watch.

Tbh, at this age I wouldn't personally go out of my way to arrange playdates in my home if I don't feel I can also be ok with the parents. If the parents aren't comfortable with each other, the children will notice and play up on it even if they don't realise that's what they're doing. (And even families we ARE great mates with we still sometimes meet in neutral places to reduce friction among the children!)

Good luck. Hope the toy turns up soon. xx

[bornagain]

Agree with Saffron about neutral territory and nicer now the weather is warmer.

I think that 5 is still very young. It's possibly old enough to know that stealing is wrong, but young enough to succumb to temptation. Perhaps this little girl comes from a family that may not have such nice necklaces/toys as yours? Assuming that your child goes to one of the state primaries, I think we should be mindful that many children do not have many toys/clothes etc that other children enjoy.

As for vetting your children's friends - my policy is to always let my children choose their own friends, even from a very young age (they are both at secondary school now). I think you are setting yourself up for problems later on if you encourage/discourage friendships based on whether you like their family or not. Its not about you, it's about your children.

On occasions there were children that they befriended some that I wasn't that keen on, but actually it is part of growing up to learn to deal with this themselves. You can always be in the background for her to turn to if necessary but if you are supportive but leave her to her own devices it will be fine.

[susyp]

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[bornagain]

Ok, may be this child has too much of a sense of entitlement! I still think that at 5, although they in theory should know better, it's easy for them to be tempted.

I hope your little girl gets her toy back.

[snowboarder]

My four year old son stole a silver spoon from my friends house (he just liked it)...obviously we took it back, apologised etc. I'm sad to say it wasn't an entirely isolated event, but still I'm not sure I'd label him a kleptomaniac!

[redjam]

Wow, I hope this other kid's family doesn't read the forum! It's quite an assumption to say that this child deliberately stole the toy and necklace, linking it with bullying, saying their house is 'chaotic' etc. Even your own child says this other kid put the toy back after she'd finished playing with it. Is it not possible it might just have got lost? And even if they did take it, it's very strong to accuse a child of being a thief when they're five, for God's sake! Wait till your own kid comes home from another playdate having accidentally brought something back with her - it'll happen, I promise you.

[Pickle]

I have to agree with Redjam on this - I think it's a pretty extreme view to take over a small child taking a toy home.

[canela]

I think sometimes our kids can have friends that spark some emotions in us...especially if we think they are not being the nicest to our children and it brings back memories. To be honest, it seems very difficult to know exactly what went on with both the necklace and the toy, so I would guard against making assumptions.