Workmen, "helping yourself", and British culture

[Alex K]

What are the unspoken rules here, the expectations? What's "well-of-course" and what's "we-don't-do-that"?

Good clear dry weather and so the house-painters have been at the windows, doors, soffits. They have keys. They arrive after I leave for work, leave before I arrive from work.

Yesterday evening I found the kettle full, the sugar reached down out of the cupboard and on the countertop, and the milk bottle on the inside of the fridge door nearly empty.

Hmmm, I thought. No one to offer them a cuppa, so they helped themselves. No big deal. I had a carton of UHT milk in reserve, breakfast would not be a problem.

But the experience left me... d?pays?. Not quite fish-out-of-water, but a bit uncomfortable. A bit mystified.

The puzzlement, faint discomfort, that I felt arises from the fact that they didn't ask. Had they asked, I'd have said -- Help yourselves! (Same with the loo. Which they used. No problem there.)

In Germany, in the USA -- "helping yourself" to the client's groceries gets you sacked. And the client's WC? Variable. Usually no-go; when I was part of a masonry crew one summer 45 years ago the foreman, even for a single-day job, arranged a Portaloo if we were more than a short walk from a tavern, a diner.

Britain may be different. Seems that it is. Share your experiences, please.

[numbers]

I'd have left them a note saying where the milk/sugar/teabags/biscuits were. If I knew I'd be leaving the house before they arrived. Or I'd have explained to them in person before they started the work and I handed them the keys.

[Alex K]

@numbers -- very reasonable, good guide for "next time". Thanks.

[Jeremy]

In my experience, for bigger jobs where they might be there for several days, they'll generally help themselves to tea/milk/biscuits/squash/etc. To be honest it doesn't bother me as long as they're reasonably tidy.

The last lot of guys I had in helped themselves to my tools on a daily basis. Loads of stuff went missing - probably over ?100 worth. That really did piss me off..

[intexasatthe moment]

I don't think it's a grey area . They shouldn't have helped themselves or expected you to offer . I hope their work is better than their manners .

I've had workmen turn up with their own kettle and supplies and that's the correct approach .

The toilet is different I think ,they can't help but use it really and the cost of a portaloo would presumably push up the cost of your job . Though I guess they could ask what you prefer .

[Jeremy]

Hope you're prepared for a deluge of mails asking for your builder's details, ITATM...

[Twirly]

In the past I have offered, but I think if someone helped themselves I would feel slightly put out too, particularly if the milk was almost gone. Last time, when I did offer, I think the brought their own milk as they didn't like my skimmed milk!

[Lowlander]

If I'm around, I'll make them a cup of tea. If I'm out, I'll tell them to help themselves.

It's a bit cheeky if you didn't offer, but not unknown. Did they wash up the cups and spoons?

Toilet depends, on a big job with many builders I'd expect them to source their own.

The worst I had was a builder who chain-smoked my cigarettes. That was easy to solve though, put them in a drawer.

[intexasatthe moment]

Jeremy - it was a firm called Bertrams http://www.bertrambuilders.co.uk/.

Very nice they were too.

Shocked that such normal behaviour ( ie not helping yoursef or expecting your client to offer but taking responsibilty for your own tea breaks ) is considered exceptional .

[intexasatthe moment]

Actually the more I think about this the more I think that I wouldn't trust the workmanship of someone who took liberty's like that in my home .

[Jeremy]

Lowlander Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Toilet depends, on a big job ... I'd expect them to source their own.

Chortle

[MrBen]

You've not got grace3 in to roller your walls have you per chance?

[maxxi]

Surprised this wasn't sorted when the job was being discussed - no builder I have met would have begun a job without the tea 'n toilet question being discussed - maybe a polite call/text with a simple "Okay if we help ourselves to tea and use your Andrex if we promise no skidmarks down the bowl?"

[Help-Ma-Boab]

As an ex Pickfords removals porter, I recommend getting the kettle on when the removal men arrive. Furniture gets just a bit more TLC if there is steam coming from the kitchen on arrival. The offer of lunch guarantees the knicker drawer not getting rifled...

[Sofie Hammond]

That is a terrible experience. Never leave them by themselves that's what I would suggest. Be careful who you trust, the devil was once an angel.

[Bluerevolution]

If kit is left out (with note "milk in fridge") fair play. If not bloody liberty-what other cupboards/drawers they been through ? Personally, always leave kit out or if there-offer brew soon as and then say "You know where it is, feel free. Oh, I'll be in the office (ok, watching Jeremy Kyle and posting here or Twitter so milk no sugar ta"

[Nigello]

Tell them the boundaries before you leave them. I left some workies my keys whilst I went on holiday. They were there for about five days, all in all, and when I returned the work was done (decorating, plastering, rendering and removal of old render) and the house was as I left it. If they had taken tea or coffee they'd replaced it, as I did't notice any difference. (There was no milk in the fridge anyway.)

Don't feel bad about confronting them. It's rude, unprofessional and disrespectful: they took a liberty and it left you feeling uncomfortable in your own home, which is hardly a good calling card to leave.

[Salsaboy]

If I'm offered I accept as never turn down tea. If I'm not offered, that's life. Can always go to the shops or a cafe.

If I'm left on my own and told to help myself, everything is left as found, cup and spoon washed and dried, milk in fridge, worktop wiped down. Biscuits and milk replaced if more than a day working there. I'd expect the same in my house.

[grace3]

Chase anyone who 'helps themselves' to your fridge, the 'portaloo' needs to be included in the costing.

[*Bob*]

Had some carpets fitted in my last place. First job of the day - the pair of 'em both took a dump in the bog, leaving skids on the pan.

Nice fit though.

[Otta]

I would tell them to help themselves to tea/coffee, but if I hadn't and they'd just done so I would be a bit pissed off.

[Alex K]

Thanks, all. I know better now what to expect, and how to have those expectations met.

[lizbells6]

Some years ago, we employed a friend of a friend to strip and varnish our floors while we were on holiday. We arrived home late after a long hot drive from Cornwall in our Mini with 2 small children (the only day it hadnt poured with rain)to find a note saying the kitchen floor might still be a bit wet so don't walk on it until tomorrow. It had obviously just been varnished that afternoon. Then discovered our son's Xbox and games spread out all over his bedroom and our CDs had been gone through and scattered around.

Floors looked good though!

[Zebedee Tring]

What, you only allow them to have a pee and not number 2s. Is that really fair?

[Tradesman32]

Quite honestly I would never assume it is ok to help myself to a clients Fridge or any of their personal effects. It is of course nice to build a good relationship with the person whom you are carrying out work for and a mutual respect needs to be found and maintained. Trust is essential for both. All boundaries including the toilet should be established. I make a point of explaining which rooms are affected by the build so there is an opportunity for them to ensure personal possessions or breakables can be somewhere they know will be safe.

Clear conversation and transparency is key