Jump to content

Recommended Posts

I have a filmscript that's actor proof and director proof. She'd be great in the lead. Bloody hurry up, would you? I'm fighting off Uma Thurman 'ere and I don't want Madge to see Uma's scrawny fingerprints over this script. Oi! Keira, get to the back of the queue love!

PeckhamRose Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> You can 'ave 'er.

> But quick.

> Give her me script as a good selling point in case

> you're not rich and/or artistic.

> She'll love yo for it. I promise.

> But hurry up because now bloody Scarlett's joined

> the queue and she is SUCH a whiner.


Rest assured PeckhamRose your script will be with my beloved, as soon as the time is right.

We're in the early stages of our courtship, and I think it's too early to be slipping her anything of that sort.

Right enough about Scarlett though, it's all Tom Waits this and Tom Waits that with her these days.

Little cow's got such an ego on her.

TillieTrotter Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Funny thread...keep it up boys!


I am not a boy.

Tho maybe my contributions aren't funny.

Which is correct.

It's not. The situation's driving me nuts.

That bloody tart from EastEnders is bending me ear now.

"NO chance you minger" I told her agent to tell her. Her agent replied to me, "Oh dear, "minger" is SO last year."

I got Kate Hudson who has somehow got my "CELL" number and she's redialling begging for a meeting.

I left a message "You'RE TOO YOUNG, LOVE". But no, fifteen bloody calls today.

I blocked Keira, she's just pissing me off.


So sort it out!

Stick with it PR.

Though if you're calling Barbara Windsor a tart, then we may not be able to see eye to eye.

I don't watch Eastenders any more, so it's possible you may be referring to one of the 'soppy little tarts' that I gather populate it these days. If so, you're probably correct.

So Kate's been hovering, has she? I wouldn't dismiss her too summarily. Her mother's work on Rowan And Martin's Laugh-In was exemplary. Ah, the days when people could smoke while presenting comedy shows.

As for Keira, send her a text making a reference to 'thrice nightly'.

It's what Russell Brand would do. If he hasn't already.

bon3yard Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I think HBs switched his attention to East

> Dulwichs own Jo Brand. Now theres a real woman,

> funny and probably quite handy in a rumble.


Your thinking on these matters is excellent Bon3Yard, of course Jo Brand.

Let's keep it under wraps until we see how it goes with Madonna.

If (when) I am successfully webbed up with herself I shall of course, like the Prince Of Wales and his old man be looking for a mistress pimp, and you woulod seem to fit the bill admirably.

Consider yourself hired.

Sounds like an exciting prospect HB but my time is not my own since I committed myself to pairing up Michael Winner & Janet Street Porter. Hard work as you can do doubt guess, Porters all for it but The Chubby Food critic is less than enamoured with the idea having had his fingers burnt during the filming of a corporate video with Germaine Greer. Oof.

That's a sticky situation you find yourself in, Bon3Yard.

I'm glad though you mention Winner and give him the title 'food critic' rather than 'film director'.

It makes my ambitions in that direction (!) all the more feasible, as even as a novice I wouldn't make anything as shite as Death Wish 2. Not even with a gun held to my head, by Winner himself.

Seriously though, the mistress pimp offer still stands.

bon3yard Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Am I pimping the mistresses or mistress of the

> pimps? The devils in the detail...


Quite right Bon3Yard, you will of course be pimping the mistresses.

And if you ever try and fob me off with anything in the Parker-Bowles style...

Let's just say your contract will be under review.

bon3yard Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Erm, will there be a discretionary tasting

> session..as it were. Madge will remain unsullied

> of course, er out of filial respect toy yours

> truly, not because shes rough or owt.


Owt indeed. Unsullied of course.

Knowing you're a chef, I would of course expect you to 'taste', in order to ensure that all was well.

Naturally, I'd expect what you provided to be properly 'seasoned', as any half decent mistresss pimp would ensure.

It's only right.

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Latest Discussions

    • Wanted 2 x Adult and 1 x Children tickets for Dulwich fireworks tonight please!
    • Labour have changed a number of things overnight.   1. VAT on school fees - this has resulted in 25,000 moving until state education. 2. Increasing NICs adding billions to the cost of going to work. 3. Introducing the Employment Rights Bill causing employers to stop hiring. This and item 2 have added 100,000 people to the unemployment scrapheap. These are also causing businesses to relocate further harming the economy. 4. Scrapping all the small boats deterrents meaning 60,000 illegal migrants have arrived in small boats since they were elected. 5. Dishing out huge public sector payroses with no conditions so we have a massively increased payroll and doctors etc arestill going out on strike. 6.changed IHT and non domicile tax rules causing 16,500 millionaires to leave the UK and stop paying any tax here at all forever. 7. Alongside 6, leaving the budget up until an historically late period after the last budget has caused a house price crash, killing the market and decimating government stamp duty receipts. 8. Their profligate borrowing (£100bn extra in just one year) to fund all their lavish promises means the government can now only borrow at the highest ever yields on records. They are more beholden to the bond markets than Liz Truss was. 9. The rate of inflation has doubled under this government. It was a healthy 2% when they came in. For most of the last year, as a result of all of the above it is now nearly 4%.   These are all decisions the Labour government took that have immediate cause and effect.  Its no good harking back to 15 years ago. The current administration was gifted the fastest growing economy in the G7 and within 15 months they have destroyed it.    And things are only going to get worse this winter.      
    • I use Autocar Repair in West Dulwich.. been using them for over 20 years. Excellent service… 
    • A lot to agree with here - don’t get me started on Irish people complaining about immigration! - but that final paragraph is once again a cop out  there’s a lot of extreme right wing money stirring up the division that people are feeling - but there is zero excuse for handing power to these people. We live in a democracy and if we have enough people willing to give it up then judging those people foolish enough to do so is not only something that will happen, it is something that the rest of us should be morally compelled to do  if someone wouldn’t “normally” vote for a racist party yet somehow will do so because they hear someone like me saying that would be bad, then you better believe I’m judging them
Home
Events
Sign In

Sign In



Or sign in with one of these services

Search
×
    Search In
×
×
  • Create New...