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Madonna And Me - Advice Required

HonaloochieB

By HonaloochieB
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PeckhamRose

PeckhamRose

Posted
Posted
I have a filmscript that's actor proof and director proof. She'd be great in the lead. Bloody hurry up, would you? I'm fighting off Uma Thurman 'ere and I don't want Madge to see Uma's scrawny fingerprints over this script. Oi! Keira, get to the back of the queue love!
HonaloochieB

HonaloochieB

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PeckhamRose Wrote:

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> You can 'ave 'er.

> But quick.

> Give her me script as a good selling point in case

> you're not rich and/or artistic.

> She'll love yo for it. I promise.

> But hurry up because now bloody Scarlett's joined

> the queue and she is SUCH a whiner.


Rest assured PeckhamRose your script will be with my beloved, as soon as the time is right.

We're in the early stages of our courtship, and I think it's too early to be slipping her anything of that sort.

Right enough about Scarlett though, it's all Tom Waits this and Tom Waits that with her these days.

Little cow's got such an ego on her.

PeckhamRose

PeckhamRose

Posted
Posted

TillieTrotter Wrote:

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> Funny thread...keep it up boys!


I am not a boy.

Tho maybe my contributions aren't funny.

Which is correct.

It's not. The situation's driving me nuts.

That bloody tart from EastEnders is bending me ear now.

"NO chance you minger" I told her agent to tell her. Her agent replied to me, "Oh dear, "minger" is SO last year."

I got Kate Hudson who has somehow got my "CELL" number and she's redialling begging for a meeting.

I left a message "You'RE TOO YOUNG, LOVE". But no, fifteen bloody calls today.

I blocked Keira, she's just pissing me off.


So sort it out!

HonaloochieB

HonaloochieB

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Stick with it PR.

Though if you're calling Barbara Windsor a tart, then we may not be able to see eye to eye.

I don't watch Eastenders any more, so it's possible you may be referring to one of the 'soppy little tarts' that I gather populate it these days. If so, you're probably correct.

So Kate's been hovering, has she? I wouldn't dismiss her too summarily. Her mother's work on Rowan And Martin's Laugh-In was exemplary. Ah, the days when people could smoke while presenting comedy shows.

As for Keira, send her a text making a reference to 'thrice nightly'.

It's what Russell Brand would do. If he hasn't already.

HonaloochieB

HonaloochieB

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bon3yard Wrote:

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> I think HBs switched his attention to East

> Dulwichs own Jo Brand. Now theres a real woman,

> funny and probably quite handy in a rumble.


Your thinking on these matters is excellent Bon3Yard, of course Jo Brand.

Let's keep it under wraps until we see how it goes with Madonna.

If (when) I am successfully webbed up with herself I shall of course, like the Prince Of Wales and his old man be looking for a mistress pimp, and you woulod seem to fit the bill admirably.

Consider yourself hired.

bon3yard

bon3yard

Posted
Posted
Sounds like an exciting prospect HB but my time is not my own since I committed myself to pairing up Michael Winner & Janet Street Porter. Hard work as you can do doubt guess, Porters all for it but The Chubby Food critic is less than enamoured with the idea having had his fingers burnt during the filming of a corporate video with Germaine Greer. Oof.
HonaloochieB

HonaloochieB

Posted
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That's a sticky situation you find yourself in, Bon3Yard.

I'm glad though you mention Winner and give him the title 'food critic' rather than 'film director'.

It makes my ambitions in that direction (!) all the more feasible, as even as a novice I wouldn't make anything as shite as Death Wish 2. Not even with a gun held to my head, by Winner himself.

Seriously though, the mistress pimp offer still stands.

HonaloochieB

HonaloochieB

Posted
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bon3yard Wrote:

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> Am I pimping the mistresses or mistress of the

> pimps? The devils in the detail...


Quite right Bon3Yard, you will of course be pimping the mistresses.

And if you ever try and fob me off with anything in the Parker-Bowles style...

Let's just say your contract will be under review.

HonaloochieB

HonaloochieB

Posted
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bon3yard Wrote:

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> Erm, will there be a discretionary tasting

> session..as it were. Madge will remain unsullied

> of course, er out of filial respect toy yours

> truly, not because shes rough or owt.


Owt indeed. Unsullied of course.

Knowing you're a chef, I would of course expect you to 'taste', in order to ensure that all was well.

Naturally, I'd expect what you provided to be properly 'seasoned', as any half decent mistresss pimp would ensure.

It's only right.

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