Jump to content

Recommended Posts

I have a filmscript that's actor proof and director proof. She'd be great in the lead. Bloody hurry up, would you? I'm fighting off Uma Thurman 'ere and I don't want Madge to see Uma's scrawny fingerprints over this script. Oi! Keira, get to the back of the queue love!

PeckhamRose Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> You can 'ave 'er.

> But quick.

> Give her me script as a good selling point in case

> you're not rich and/or artistic.

> She'll love yo for it. I promise.

> But hurry up because now bloody Scarlett's joined

> the queue and she is SUCH a whiner.


Rest assured PeckhamRose your script will be with my beloved, as soon as the time is right.

We're in the early stages of our courtship, and I think it's too early to be slipping her anything of that sort.

Right enough about Scarlett though, it's all Tom Waits this and Tom Waits that with her these days.

Little cow's got such an ego on her.

TillieTrotter Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Funny thread...keep it up boys!


I am not a boy.

Tho maybe my contributions aren't funny.

Which is correct.

It's not. The situation's driving me nuts.

That bloody tart from EastEnders is bending me ear now.

"NO chance you minger" I told her agent to tell her. Her agent replied to me, "Oh dear, "minger" is SO last year."

I got Kate Hudson who has somehow got my "CELL" number and she's redialling begging for a meeting.

I left a message "You'RE TOO YOUNG, LOVE". But no, fifteen bloody calls today.

I blocked Keira, she's just pissing me off.


So sort it out!

Stick with it PR.

Though if you're calling Barbara Windsor a tart, then we may not be able to see eye to eye.

I don't watch Eastenders any more, so it's possible you may be referring to one of the 'soppy little tarts' that I gather populate it these days. If so, you're probably correct.

So Kate's been hovering, has she? I wouldn't dismiss her too summarily. Her mother's work on Rowan And Martin's Laugh-In was exemplary. Ah, the days when people could smoke while presenting comedy shows.

As for Keira, send her a text making a reference to 'thrice nightly'.

It's what Russell Brand would do. If he hasn't already.

bon3yard Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I think HBs switched his attention to East

> Dulwichs own Jo Brand. Now theres a real woman,

> funny and probably quite handy in a rumble.


Your thinking on these matters is excellent Bon3Yard, of course Jo Brand.

Let's keep it under wraps until we see how it goes with Madonna.

If (when) I am successfully webbed up with herself I shall of course, like the Prince Of Wales and his old man be looking for a mistress pimp, and you woulod seem to fit the bill admirably.

Consider yourself hired.

Sounds like an exciting prospect HB but my time is not my own since I committed myself to pairing up Michael Winner & Janet Street Porter. Hard work as you can do doubt guess, Porters all for it but The Chubby Food critic is less than enamoured with the idea having had his fingers burnt during the filming of a corporate video with Germaine Greer. Oof.

That's a sticky situation you find yourself in, Bon3Yard.

I'm glad though you mention Winner and give him the title 'food critic' rather than 'film director'.

It makes my ambitions in that direction (!) all the more feasible, as even as a novice I wouldn't make anything as shite as Death Wish 2. Not even with a gun held to my head, by Winner himself.

Seriously though, the mistress pimp offer still stands.

bon3yard Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Am I pimping the mistresses or mistress of the

> pimps? The devils in the detail...


Quite right Bon3Yard, you will of course be pimping the mistresses.

And if you ever try and fob me off with anything in the Parker-Bowles style...

Let's just say your contract will be under review.

bon3yard Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Erm, will there be a discretionary tasting

> session..as it were. Madge will remain unsullied

> of course, er out of filial respect toy yours

> truly, not because shes rough or owt.


Owt indeed. Unsullied of course.

Knowing you're a chef, I would of course expect you to 'taste', in order to ensure that all was well.

Naturally, I'd expect what you provided to be properly 'seasoned', as any half decent mistresss pimp would ensure.

It's only right.

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Latest Discussions

    • Big recommendation for Stephen Viccary who has created a magnificent bathroom for us. Quality of work is absolutely top notch. We couldn't be happier - see pics.  Stephen is considerate and tidy meaning working from home during the work was fine (some noise - obviously, it is a demo and installation after all. He does not work on multiple jobs, does a full days work and does ALL the work himself - Tiling, plumbing, lighting (including lighting on a motion sensor under the vanity and in the shower niche - for night time visits 😉), he even changed the door architraves, sorted the badly cracked ceiling and did all the paint work. A full end to end service. Stephen's number - 07941 266 145
    • Highly recommend Dulwich Eco Gardening.  When he came to quote Saied said he’d give our garden back so we could decide what we do next.  Under two weeks of hard work from Saied and Mo and we have the garden back and can see paving I’d forgotten about. Not only did Saied remove our very overgrown greenery. Nature had taken over. He also took back to our fence line overgrown ivy, apple and pear trees and and dealt with a neighbours bamboo that had invaded our garden.  We are now going to get quotes for what we do next so those quoting will be able to see the space.  Saied has suggested someone to quote and will be coming back when he does in case he has any questions or they can work together.  I thought Saied would be a good choice and he was. Quotes from others didn’t leave me with confidence for the end result. That was never a concern with Saied.
    • Having a BBQ (fingers crossed) in 2 weeks and need a small BBQ for veggie bits and any spare benches or garden tables and chairs to borrow to add to mine. Any going? Thanks in advance...
    • Oh dear, hope you are OK, I've had it three times and it was worse each time, but not a patch on many of those who got it before they vac' role out. Not commenting on the discussion as I got confused many days ago beyond the reminder that Corbyn would not compromise and the harm that could lead to him, the party and regards Brexit pre and post referendum the country.  Starmer goes too far the other way at times.  
Home
Events
Sign In

Sign In



Or sign in with one of these services

Search
×
    Search In
×
×
  • Create New...