Jump to content

Recommended Posts

I have a filmscript that's actor proof and director proof. She'd be great in the lead. Bloody hurry up, would you? I'm fighting off Uma Thurman 'ere and I don't want Madge to see Uma's scrawny fingerprints over this script. Oi! Keira, get to the back of the queue love!

PeckhamRose Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> You can 'ave 'er.

> But quick.

> Give her me script as a good selling point in case

> you're not rich and/or artistic.

> She'll love yo for it. I promise.

> But hurry up because now bloody Scarlett's joined

> the queue and she is SUCH a whiner.


Rest assured PeckhamRose your script will be with my beloved, as soon as the time is right.

We're in the early stages of our courtship, and I think it's too early to be slipping her anything of that sort.

Right enough about Scarlett though, it's all Tom Waits this and Tom Waits that with her these days.

Little cow's got such an ego on her.

TillieTrotter Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Funny thread...keep it up boys!


I am not a boy.

Tho maybe my contributions aren't funny.

Which is correct.

It's not. The situation's driving me nuts.

That bloody tart from EastEnders is bending me ear now.

"NO chance you minger" I told her agent to tell her. Her agent replied to me, "Oh dear, "minger" is SO last year."

I got Kate Hudson who has somehow got my "CELL" number and she's redialling begging for a meeting.

I left a message "You'RE TOO YOUNG, LOVE". But no, fifteen bloody calls today.

I blocked Keira, she's just pissing me off.


So sort it out!

Stick with it PR.

Though if you're calling Barbara Windsor a tart, then we may not be able to see eye to eye.

I don't watch Eastenders any more, so it's possible you may be referring to one of the 'soppy little tarts' that I gather populate it these days. If so, you're probably correct.

So Kate's been hovering, has she? I wouldn't dismiss her too summarily. Her mother's work on Rowan And Martin's Laugh-In was exemplary. Ah, the days when people could smoke while presenting comedy shows.

As for Keira, send her a text making a reference to 'thrice nightly'.

It's what Russell Brand would do. If he hasn't already.

bon3yard Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I think HBs switched his attention to East

> Dulwichs own Jo Brand. Now theres a real woman,

> funny and probably quite handy in a rumble.


Your thinking on these matters is excellent Bon3Yard, of course Jo Brand.

Let's keep it under wraps until we see how it goes with Madonna.

If (when) I am successfully webbed up with herself I shall of course, like the Prince Of Wales and his old man be looking for a mistress pimp, and you woulod seem to fit the bill admirably.

Consider yourself hired.

Sounds like an exciting prospect HB but my time is not my own since I committed myself to pairing up Michael Winner & Janet Street Porter. Hard work as you can do doubt guess, Porters all for it but The Chubby Food critic is less than enamoured with the idea having had his fingers burnt during the filming of a corporate video with Germaine Greer. Oof.

That's a sticky situation you find yourself in, Bon3Yard.

I'm glad though you mention Winner and give him the title 'food critic' rather than 'film director'.

It makes my ambitions in that direction (!) all the more feasible, as even as a novice I wouldn't make anything as shite as Death Wish 2. Not even with a gun held to my head, by Winner himself.

Seriously though, the mistress pimp offer still stands.

bon3yard Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Am I pimping the mistresses or mistress of the

> pimps? The devils in the detail...


Quite right Bon3Yard, you will of course be pimping the mistresses.

And if you ever try and fob me off with anything in the Parker-Bowles style...

Let's just say your contract will be under review.

bon3yard Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Erm, will there be a discretionary tasting

> session..as it were. Madge will remain unsullied

> of course, er out of filial respect toy yours

> truly, not because shes rough or owt.


Owt indeed. Unsullied of course.

Knowing you're a chef, I would of course expect you to 'taste', in order to ensure that all was well.

Naturally, I'd expect what you provided to be properly 'seasoned', as any half decent mistresss pimp would ensure.

It's only right.

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Latest Discussions

    • It's Christmas, Mal, I'd like to think admin may be a bit looser at this time of year. Goodwill to all men and all that, even Scousers, the French and some Canadians. Have an easy-peeler, a Morrisons own brand Cinzano and lemonade, a toke on this beauty, listen to my post-dubstep-style mash-up of 'Little Donkey' and Frankie Knuckles' 'Your Love' and let the thread go where it will. We're strangely reverential about the Christmas period in this country. Christmas Day in Spain is a bit different, the big day is 'Kings' Day' on the 6th of January.  I've spent a couple of Christmases in a tiny village in the Sierra Nevada outside Granada with an (English) ex-girlfriend's family and it's exhausting to celebrate both British and Spanish style. You start on Christmas Eve, then Christmas Day, Boxing Day, a village fiesta apropos of nothing to do with Christmas, New Year's Eve, New Year's Day, the neighbouring village's fiesta, and only then the big day of Kings' on the 6th. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone that's posted on the 'Fireworks' thread, I thought is was a reenactmentent of Guernica. Thankfully, Coviran - it's a bit like Spar used to be - do an excellent 'Feliz Navidad' fiesta package of six bottles of local red, six white, 24 bottles of Alhambra beer and an okay-quality Serrano jamon (with stand and knife) for about the price of a decent round in the EDT. One fiesta deal every couple of days works well. Christmas Day in Toronto is like any other day, just  even duller - Sunday-service transport and the  LCBO (Liquor Control Board of Ontario) shop is shut. Those who take their drinking seriously need to plan ahead. They also have a strange custom of going to the pictures on Christmas Day evening, rather than watching 'Oliver!' and trying to fleece your niece for her Christmas cash in a game of Connect Four. It's a bit different in Goa, but brilliant. It was a Portuguese colony, so they go mad on it. It's quite magical. I spent one Christmas Day where, after seeing the previous night's hangover off with a prawn caldine and a bottle of local coconut feni, the tide ebbed away to reveal the most perfect, flat wicket for a game of tape-ball cricket. 25 or so a side, ravers versus locals, I batted in the middle order and was building a solid, if unspectacular, innings until I hit a pull shot of such exquisite timing it still visits me in my dreams, only to be caught at square leg by a little, local lad, bollocks-deep in the surf and wearing a Santa hat. Christmas isn't what it used to be. Keep the parks open!
    • I hope it's ok to use this thread to ask for advice on a separate issue in relation to TJ Medical Practice. A friend of mine who is registered there has recently been diagnosed with a serious long-term condition. He has been struggling to find a good GP at the practice since the departure of Dr Love and I said I would try to find out which of the remaining GPs other patients have found most capable and sympathetic - particularly for the scenario of overseeing ongoing care for a long-term progressive illness. Is there any particular GP that people would recommend?  Very many thanks.
    • I,m not a fan of Gales; but a lot of food serving premises open on Xmas day , so not unusual, worked in catering for nearly 40 years and staff usually get extra pay… My niece who is in her last year of college & wants to go travelling next summer, is waitressing in a restaurant near where she lives on Xmas day & Boxing Day for £20 per hour to boost her travelling fund. Back in the day I worked New Year’s Day 2000, & had my pay bumped to £50 per hour, happy days (wasn’t forced I volunteered)
    • Hardly strange; arcane perhaps. It used to be a common practice in many towns for the swings, roundabouts etc in parks to be chained up by the council on Sundays, so that they didn’t provide a source of reckless pleasure on the sabbath. The outrage that a cake shop should open on Christmas Day reminded me of this. The policy had pretty much died out in England and Wales by the 70’s but is still in force in parts of the Highlands and Islands of Scotland.
Home
Events
Sign In

Sign In



Or sign in with one of these services

Search
×
    Search In
×
×
  • Create New...