Lovely Ladies:A Question re: Your Future Husbands "ex"

[Tony.London Suburbs]

Quick update that might put a slightly different slant on this:-

1/ Ex-Wifey is married and has been for 3 years.

2/ They divorced 8 years ago not "3".

3/ Wifey1 persuaded her New Husband to have my M8 to their Wedding even though he had reservations,indeed my M8 says that he was so much part of "Ex-Wifeys" big new day that he "MC'd/Hosted the reception do as well as attended the Ceremony.

[Keef]

Indiepanda, I think you've misunderstood what I was trying to say.

I didn't mean that you would need to prove anything to your ex, just that your current partner should feel secure in the fact that you are marrying them, and if your ex is there, all they are going to see is you marrying someone else.

Hope that makes sense, I know what I mean, but not sure I'm putting it across.

As for the bragging bit, I was sort of joking, but I bet there are women out there who would take pleasure in it!

[indiepanda]

Don't worry Keef, I was being slighly mischievious in taking a slightly too literal interpretation of what you had said - I know you are the resident Mr Reasonable of the forum really.

And I'm inclined to agree there are some women out there who would like the bragging rights, I hope I don't end up ever feeling like that, but I probably shouldn't judge having not been there.

[Tony.London Suburbs]

Wifey-2-be has requested a week or so "space".

[indiepanda]

As in she isn't going to see/talk to him for at least a week do you mean?

[Tony.London Suburbs]

indiepanda Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> As in she isn't going to see/talk to him for at

> least a week do you mean?

Yes indiepanda.

Which is a real pain imo as I've passed on the collective wisdom of this fine fora and(I think!) he accepts that he(or me) had not considered the salient point about the level of discomfiture that she would feel as Wifey1 knows that it was solely her decision for her not to come(remember Wifey1 had gone out of her way to gain entry for my M8 to go to her 2nd marriage! so feels particularly hurt) and so as Wifey2 realises she is "seen" as the "Bad Guy" and no Woman(in my experience) is going to be wanted to be seen in that light or be happy with it or tolerate it so the obvious answer is for her not to go to the Communal Couples Meal.

There's been a further development in that Wifey1/New Husband can't now go to the Communal Meal/Drinks as he has another engagement and they are both oblivious,totally unaware of the fact that Wifey2 won't be going.

Given that circumstance the way seems clear for:

1/ Wifey2 has had her "space" and makes contact.

2/ My M8 tells her that he can now understand her view(though he is irritated that she wouldn't admitin the first placeas that is the REAL reason why she does not want to attend the Communal Meal etc) and he apologies accordingly.

3/ She accepts it and they move on and "who knows" after the marriage she may feel happier and more relaxed about future gatherings if there is some time distance b4 the next one.

imo The longer she now leaves it to regain contact the worse it will be.

[Tony.London Suburbs]

I forgot! there's now no reason for my M8 and Wifey2 not to go to Communal do but in the first couple of days he did contact her 2/3 times so,obviously,he has to respect her decision for "time and space" which is a pain as he wants to let her know that Wifey1 is not going to the Communal do!

[Ted Max]

It's an old plotline from Cold Feet, or perhaps Thirtysomething, isn't it? Where do I claim my prize?

[Tony.London Suburbs]

Ted Max Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> It's an old plotline from Cold Feet, or perhaps

> Thirtysomething, isn't it? Where do I claim my

> prize?

Problem is both parties are currently getting Cold Feet about their future together...:'(

[SteveT]

Perhaps they should both have some space and a rethink,

although the potential 'divorce move' seeems to have arrived a tad early,

compared to most relationships I've known.

[Tony.London Suburbs]

Indeed.

[indiepanda]

SteveT Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Perhaps they should both have some space and a

> rethink,

>

> although the potential 'divorce move' seeems to

> have arrived a tad early,

>

> compared to most relationships I've known.

Sad but I guess it's much better to not go through with the wedding than make a terrible mistake.

Though I would have thought a proper heart to heart conversation was more useful than just "space". Without each other explaining how they really feel and what their intentions were, it so easy to end up completely misinterpreting each others actions, and then getting upset by the meaning each have placed on them.

If having had a proper talk about it, there's uncertainty about whether to carry on, then take the space then to think about it.

[Keef]

I know you are the resident Mr Reasonable of the forum really.

Og God, that may as well read "You are Mr boring" :-$

[KalamityKel]

Hahahahaha! :)-D

[indiepanda]

Keef Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I know you are the resident Mr Reasonable of the

> forum really.

>

> Og God, that may as well read "You are Mr boring"

> :-$

Sorry, that definately wasn't the way I meant it, you just come across as a chilled out and thoughtful sort of guy.