Over-attachment: any advice?

[Lochie]

I'm in a bit of a pickle and hoping someone can kindly share some words of wisdom!

My daughter is 2 years 9 months old (second child). She has always been very clingy, however, she now will not do anything without me (mummy!). I've always been open to bed sharing whenever she has had problems settling on her own, however, I now fear she will not be independent from me. She won't let her Dad do anything for her now (not even brush her teeth) and will only let me do it. I can't even take a bath without her needing to stand right next to me whilst I am doing it (I shut her out last night and she spent 10 mins banging on the door in tears wanting to be let in). My son was not like this so I don't have any experience to go on.

I have no issue with her wanting to be by my side all the time (find it heart melting really), but I really want her to be able to be able to cope on her own without me for her sake. I don't mind carrying on like this if its something that kids grow out of eventually i.e. within the next year, but I'm also mindful that I haven't shared a bed with my husband for nearly 6 months which feels a bit wrong too.

Anyone any experience of how to gently promote a lower dependence on mummy?

[Fuschia]

They absolutely do grow out of it, if that's your concern.

It is a phase linked to stages of development.

[shaunag]

My daughter was the same. It's a phase - my daughter started outgrowing it as her friends became more important to her-ie ran off with her mates and ditched me! I wouldn't resist it, just indulge her to reassure her you are there for her and she will get the message eventually.

[etta166]

Yep, she will gor out of it. One friend jokingly asked me to imagine a 15 year old still behaving like that...

My youngest was a real Mummy's girl, but we did more and more things together with my husband as well, with me gradually being less involved and more boring to interact with, and now she will go to either of us. She is much younger though, at 18m.

[Saffron]

Agree it's developmental, totally normal for some children. If you try to 'force' her to be independent before she's developmentally ready, you're likely to cause a rebound effect where the clinging behaviour will be more intense.

There is an anthropological shift towards independence around 4/5 years, but all children vary. Agreed there are no teenagers who think it's cool to cling to their mums!

DH and I helped our daughter with night time separation anxiety by making a little mat next to our bed where she could choose to sleep. Giving choices helps give the child a sense of control, makes a better transition towards independence. xx

[Lochie]

Thank you so much for comments. Hugely reassuring. Hard to see wood for trees sometimes when you are in the thick of it. Was worried about having to do cold turkey approach! I'll sit it out (and secretly make the most of it) :-)