limericks so far

[mockney piers]

As it got a bit confused back there, i'll pop this lot down:

There once was a man from East Dulwich

Who had a terrible skull itch

So he took some pills

Which cured all his ills

And remembers again why he left Harwich

There was a young man from Goose Green

Who felt an urgent need to vent his spleen

So he went on the forum

And proceeded to bore 'em

With rants about Bush and the Queen

Whilst strolling along Lordship Lane

I looked up to see an aeroplane

and within a flash

I broke into a dash

As its loos had let loose 'yellow rain'

A mother with child, overheard

The warbling of a very strange bird

it seemed to be singing

and turds it was flinging

That were left by an elephant herd

As I looked out from Dawson's Heights

Through the haze from my Marlborough Lights

I said 'this is a farce'

and pulled from my arse

The coke that I'd hidden on the flight

There was a young lady called Nancy

Who like to wear shoes that were fancy

she went down to Peckham

To see David Beckham

Who was shopping with Abbey Clancy

A lady called Dulwich Mum

had a classic 'east dulwich bum'

'twas clad in white denim

And she'd pulled the hem in

and poured herself coke and rum

A lady called Dulwich Mum

had a classic 'east dulwich bum'

Which was trim but yet bouncy

The best in the county

and admired as she lay in the sun

[Nero]

So organised! Bet you alphabetis/ze your underwear too - AussieBum, BhS, Calvin Klein, M&S, Next etc Nero

[TillieTrotter]

someones gotta do it(tu)

[mockney piers]

Actually I'm one of the least ordered people I've ever met. It's just my brain started to bend a bit following the overlapping threads!!

[Ant]

In a pub called CPT there was Keef

Who lamented the loss of 3 teeth

With grolsch in hand

He played in his band

Whilst locals all drank through their grief

[Keef]

Yeah cheers for that Fear! ;-)

[TillieTrotter]

There was a young Spaniard named Mockney

who liked to buy paintings by Hockney

But the last was a fake

and cried "for Gawds sake"

I bet it was done by a Cockney.

[SeanMacGabhann]

Tillie's is a gem - frame it

[mockney piers]

There once was a she-devil called Snorky

Who when told she was getting too porky

Reached in her pocket

And pulled out a rocket

To fire off at those who were dorky enough to comment about her weight, or about the fact that her last line didn't scan

[TillieTrotter]

Cheers Sean...you're next. ;-)

[TillieTrotter]

There was a new shop named Moxton

that moved to East Dulwich from Hoxton

Their slippery eels

resembled baby seals

but was soon bought out by Foxton (s)

There once was a school named JAGS

which gave the kids free fags

At lunch time they puffed

Tho their mums were not chuffed

with the holes in their designer glad rags

A nice Irish lad named Sean

spent all his time looking at porn

He came all a cropper

When he suffered a dropper

Although that was abit like the norm

[TillieTrotter]

There was a nice lady called Tillie

who made the evilist chilli

She put in some herbs

that she bought from some Serbs

And she's now a nice man with a willie

[Polly D]

All this limerick business has reminded me of an apalling thing I did about 12 years ago. I fancied a friend of a friend and knowing where he worked (a trendy media establishment in Soho), I hand delivered a limerick I had written (luckily I can't remember the words but they were based on my unrequited love for him) to reception and I DIDN'T PUT IT IN AN ENVELOPE ... what was I thinking??

[Ant]

Ouch! I'm cringing on behalf of your past self there, Polly D.

Did it work, at least?

[Polly D]

I know, so cringeworthy. It absolutely did not work of course, but I'm sure it gave his colleagues something to chuckle about for a while. :-$

[TillieTrotter]

Oh Polly. I bet you could remember if you tried. Come on, share your shame>:D

[mockney piers]

There once was a Frenchman called Huguenot

Whose thirst for knowledge was huge you know

He danced through the eighties

with leotard clad ladies

Whilst reciting the words of Prospero