Top tips for those having a baby

[sillywoman]

Just bumping 'cause it's such a useful thread - anyone got more to add?

[Belle]

well...at the risk of being shot down,and absolutely not meant in some kind of pro-formula way, it is worth having a couple of bottles, a bottle of milton to sterilise them with and some cartons of pre-made formula to hand even if you're planning on breastfeeding. I had a nightmare with a baby who had low birthweight, low blood sugars, severe jaundice, the lot. The hospital policy being what it was, i didn't even know there was any formula stocked there and I got very panicky when he wasn't latching on etc given how much he needed to eat. I was quite ill with pre-eclampsia so had problems establishing the feeding. There was so much pressure to keep trying to breast feed it was almost like the bigger priority - keeping my son eating well - was missed. So, either get some supplies in or be prepared to just demand if you have to that they unlock the formula cupboard. It can just be a temporary thing (or not, it's your choice), not like the point of no return. I was very grateful to get the opportunity to use donor breastmilk but obviously it's prioritsed for the babies in special care, and rightly so, so it was only an option for a few days.

Also, if your newborn is one of hte ones (like mine!) who stays up all night/won't sleep at night unless held, my midwife came up with a great plan to deal with the early days like that. She came round on our first day home, when he was about a week old. It sounds crazy but we were BOTH staying up most of the night, BOTH fussing over him for feeds/changes etc which meant neither of us was getting any sleep. It's a mark of how tired we were that all logic had gone out of the window! Anyway she set us up on a rota at nights - basically two hours on, two hours off (you can alter it to fit in with feeds if you're breastfeeding) so that we were both getting a few chunks of sleep a night. After a while the babe got the idea of day/night but it was a really simple solution that kept us going in those early days...whoever was up would sit holding the baby and watching DVDs, I got through most of series 1 of Prison Break!

[sillywoman]

When Dads go back to work, make sure they always leave a sandwich in the fridge for you in the morninig & call before they set off home from work to see if Mum wants them to bring the fixings for dinner, or a takeaway (It can take all morning just to get downstairs, let alone getting any dinner ready).

[antijen]

With first child especially, I would say do not push while giving birth until it impossible not to, that way you are both doing it, I believe pushing before its a must is often the reason stiches is needed. If you are not sure whether to push, then dont, the feeling should be overwhelming. My daughter has 4wks to go, my first grandchild, and although I dont normally give tips, (every birth diffrent) this is one I would absolutely recommend.

[The Nappy Lady]

....and perineal massage for the same reason. I think most midwives give info on it these days in the last weeks of pregnancy, but if not ask, I'm sure it makes a difference when the time comes....

[Vickster]

Arnica tablets (homeopathic remedy) every three (I think) hours during labour (if you remember!) and one a day afterwards for a few days. Reported to help brusing and healing post birth, and while I can't attribute it to them directly, I found they really seemed to help.

[KateMontero]

I did no perenial massage at all (laziness) and only had surface tearing so from a personal level I can't be convinced it works. A friend did it every bloomin day and had a third degree tear which needed surgery. Perhaps luck again?

[The Nappy Lady]

I think there are several factors to it Kate - size of baby's head, speed of birth, build of mother. I'm sure it must help to some degree, but as you say others factors, including luck must also come into it.

Molly

[sb]

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[sillywoman]

Has anyone heard of/ tried an 'Epino' to reduce tearing? I wonder whether they work?

The recovery tips are really useful. Also I would add to avoid citrus fruit drinks in the early days post birth as it will make your wee sting more. Supplements of Zinc & Vit C can boost your immune system & aid recovery. Dried apricots are good to help with constipation, along with loads of water.

[quickbrownfox]

As a hyperactive type of person, I dismissed the advice of wise women to slow down, reduce expectations of myself and generally just chill out after having a baby, and if necessary, be a bit of a slob.

How right they were, so so so right.....

[The Nappy Lady]

I really think the symbiotic nature of breast feeding is natures way of helping to make you do that. You really don't have much choice in the early days, if you are breast feeding you have to sit down a good deal of the time, and of course breast feeding releases endorphines that make you sleepy...all very clever.

I recall one book I read during my first pregnancy said that after the birth you should imagine you have a large wound you need to allow to heal for the first week or so, and rest as much as possible. I think that is a good way to remind yourself of what you've gone through. But of course if you feel up to getting out, and showing your baby off that's fine...just make sure not to over commit in those early days.

I love the 'baby moon' those first days when life feels fuzzy around the edges...sigh...I look back and I KNOW I've got rose tinted spectacles about it, but even so, for me I think it is just the BEST time ever. That combination of overwhelming love, pride and joy in the new little life you've created....

Gosh, better stop before I get broody again!

Molly

[sunbob]

Next time I would definately buy slimline maternity pads. It was only after several days that it dawned on me that having a big chunk of cotton wool permantly between my legs, combined with spending most of my time sitting down feeding, was acually adding to what had initially been very little bruising.

[Mellors]

Agreed, dont bother with the horrid mattress like maternity pads - the Always Ultra Night Time pads were great, and much more slimline.

If you have had a C-section (or even if not), I really recommend these:

http://www.nctshop.co.uk/Stretch-Briefs-3-Pack/productinfo/2015/

Ok, they look really rank (and lets face it they are) but they are so comfy cause they sit really high up and are super stretchy, and you can gve them a quick rinse through and stick them back on cause they dry straight away. I went down the cheap pack of cotton knickers 1st time, but these were loads better.

[little h]

hello all

on the labour front, trust your instincts. If you feel like you're in horrendous pain then go to hospital! my contractions were all over the place and nothing like the guidance from my nct group. I was so bothered about getting to hospital and being sent home again that we only went becuase the hospital said I needed to go because my waters had broken. I don't think I made enough fuss, as the hopsital kept me waiting in reception on the labour ward for about 40 minutes before they got a Dr to examine me (I was 3 weeks early). by the time I was examined I was fully dilated and gave birth about an hour and a half later (no time for anything other than gas and air). I ended up with stitches but the whole thing wasn't as bad as I'd imagined it would be.

I think the scariest thing is not knowing how long you'll be in labour for and therefore how long you have to manage that pain for, but once you start the pushing bit it feels more manageable and the end is in sight.

speak to your mum about her experience(s). my labour and birth was almost identical...I wish she's told me sooner how quick her labour had been! my waters broke at 5am,contractions started at 6.30 ish and my son was born at 1.58pm... my mum went into labour with me at 6am and I was born around noon.

oh and don't leave writing your birth plan, packing your bag, or buying last minute things until 3 weeks before :-)

Helen

[curlykaren]

like helen I never got proper contractions, and if I had waitied for the contractions to come at the intervals specified by the midwife before calling her, I would have given birth at home. The passing of a huge blood clot meant that I went into hospital as an emergency but still no proper contractions, at 11pm was told not dilated at all and by 12.50 I had given birth, I'm not saying it was pain free but managed without medications of any sort, we only ever get to hear the horror stories and not all births are that bad. My top tip...when its time to push do it like you are going for a poo, this might actually happen but no-one, least of all you, will care xx

[Citrovie]

Great thread!

Here are a few I can think of right now:

1. Expect your relationship to take a temporary hit, probably some time between when your baby is 6 to 12 weeks old. Everyone will have different kinds of arguments but arguments they will have (I think - based on experience and confessions from every single friend with a baby). The new dad can think the new mum is being too protective, the new mum can think the new dad isn't fully on board yet and too focused on his me-time, the new dad can think the new mum shouldn't talk about the baby all the time, you name it. I don't think you can avoid it but if you recognise it as something normal everyone goes through you may not freak out too much. Would be a good topic to add to the NCT classes.

2. Avoid shoes until they walk. Even if it's freezing you can probably do without as non-walkers can have their feet in footmuffs (when in pram) or in tights with socks over them - this way they don't come off either!

3. Avoid socks on bare feet - they come off. Tights are so much easier and why not get them for boys too? Nobody has to know (until his stag do). The Jojo shop has some good socks with non-slip patterns on them that stay on quite well if you want socks anyway, but I'm not sure those exist for babies under 6 months. On hot summer days you can probably leave your baby barefoot (not sure about newborns - I had a summer baby who was in very light footed sleepsuits pretty much all the time until she was 3 or 4 months old. No sock problem during that time!).

4. Don't feel guilty if breastfeeding doesn't work out. Make a serious effort if you are motivated and get help if you have trouble with it at first but don't think a bottle of formula will kill your child. I was lucky to have an easy time breastfeeding but was nevertheless very annoyed by the breastfeeding "mafia" here in the UK. VERY sensitive topic, I know. I may come back and delete it. For now I'll add the disclaimer that this is just my personal opinion and not based on extensive research (but neither is my opinion on socks :))).

5. Consider ordering a plastic lab bottle while you're still pregnant (like a sports bottle that you can squeeze, but with a straw attached to it). If you have any cuts or grazes from birth, fill the bottle with warm water and squeeze it onto the sensitive area while you pee... it helped me a lot.

6. Take the longest maternity leave you can possibly afford. If you take a year, you have time to start your leave nice and early (4+ weeks before your due date). I highly recommend leaving work early. My baby came early (unexpectedly) and it was great to have still had some time to myself. After you have a baby you won't have ANY time for yourself anymore. Sucks you can't appreciate your free time until you don't have it anymore!

[sb]

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[quickbrownfox]

We never swaddled on the basis that I couldn't be bothered to figure out how to do it, and our daughter slept well. There are lots of contraptions on the market that make swaddling much easier though, if you can do with one less thing to mess about with, and from what I hear, in the summer, you can even just swaddle in a large muslin. I'm no expert though.

[little h]

Re curly karens post. yep, I remember the midwife saying 'push down towards your bottom' and thinking do you mean like doing a poo... (sorry to be so literal but at that point you really don't care do you? and lets face it no point mincing our words!) so I tried it and she said, yes, that's really good. I remember thinking why didn't she just say push like you're doing a poo that would have been so much clearer!

no glamour involved in this giving birth business!

H

[Fuschia]

Someone told me giving birth was like trying to shit a watermelon, and that's exactly it! (Or two watermelons, in my case!)

[sanity girl]

heh heh - my neapolitan midwife didn't mince her words and said exactly that - push like you need to poo - it took a while but it seemed to do the trick!

re. sanitary/maternity pads after the birth, I have to disagree with sunbob and mellors - I had quite a few stitches and found the thicker "traditional" pads much more comfortable as they provided extra cushioning. I tried some slimline ones and they felt horrible.

[quickbrownfox]

I'm feeling quite nauseous. Baby number 2 plans: abandoned.

[Pickle]

First time round I didn't realise that the pushing would feel like pooing, and my son is quite lucky he wasn't born in a toilet as I was totally convinced I needed to poo (had gone from 2cm dilated to fully dilated in 35 mins, so none of the midwives realised I was ready to push and were happy to let me go to the loo!). Made it much easier 2nd time round knowing what the sensation was like.

Regarding swaddling, we never got on with it at all, with both kids. Once out of hospital, where they were swaddled by the midwives to such an extent they didn't bend, they never seemed to like it and were always fighting to get out. In the same vein neither liked being in a moses basket, once again I don't think they liked the confinement. Both were much happier when moved into big cots and put in sleeping bags.

I'm sure this has already been said (sorry, haven't had a chance to catch up properly with this thread), but make the most of every minute of spare time you have in the run up to the birth. Honestly. If you have 30 minutes with nothing to do, sit down, read a book, have a cuppa, and cherish it.

[Pickle]

... also, if you can spare the cash, get a cleaner. Takes away the stress, means your bathroom is clean for all the visitors (who I'm sure aren't judging, but I was always paranoid!), and importantly avoids any tension between you and your partner over who should be doing it. I hired one just before I had baby #1 with the plan to go back to doing it myself after a few months, 2.5 years later we still have one and I wouldn't be without! Best money I spend every week by far.