New Bed Sleep Anxiety

[Ellie78]

So my son (3yo) has developed the above.

He was fine in said bed for 2 weeks. The fell out on a really muggy night when his tossing and turning rolled him over the makeshift bolster we'd created. We put in a new blow up one but still not getting anywhere.

He gets very upset going to bed - we have to wait till he crashed out.

He wakes up in the night and yells/cries till we go in - no reassurance seems to work, unless it is sleeping in the bed, which I don't want to do. (I won't sleep and I don't want to establish a habit - other half did sleep in the bed in the first disturbed night and now it's something he is expecting)

I don't know what path to take on this. The more tired I am the worse I am handling it. I dont want to

Distress him further but at 3am after talking him through the bed and how monkey/bears will help for over an hour with many cuddles and kisses, I cannot help getting upset or cross when I still have him gripped tightly around my neck saying 'no mama, you are not going'....(stern seemed to work a couple of times, but now it really doesn't)

I really need to know how to handle this so I can keep emotions out of it and that will come for me by having a path to follow...

Also performed badly in an interview for a job I really wanted (and probably had good chance of getting) yesterday because I am shattered. Husband shattered too (he's doing his share!)

Any advice really appreciated!

[astrid83]

How about bringing Him in to your bed, or if not enough room put a mattress next to your bed in your room?

[Ellie78]

We don't have a mattress, but suppose could buy blow up....

I just want to get him reassured, preferably without having to establish a pattern of constant intervention, but I am guessing this might be hard to do. I may contact Nicola on the forum, if she's advising on sleep issues, if the behaviour continues. But maybe you're right astrid...that going to sleep in his room is the only way. We will see.

The whole thing makes me feel terrible to be honest - calls into question how well I'm doing as a Mum. Really thought we put this all behind us when his sleep improved after being (finally) diagnosed with reflux and on meds. That was over 18 months ago. And now it's all back.

[Pickle]

I would spend some time, outside of normal sleeping times, making the bed a fun place to be. Spend a morning turning it into a den, have lunch in his room and pretend you are camping, teddy bears picnic on the bed etc.

Any time you read your child a book, go into the bedroom and sit on his bed.

Next time you change the sheets, get him involved, have fun with it (takes me half an hour to change my 3 year olds sheets, as she thinks it's hilarious to lie on the matress and get covered by the base sheet).

Good luck.

[yeknomyeknom]

Maybe try putting the mattress on the floor?

[astrid83]

How your child sleeps has nothing to do with your parenting skills :) in that case I've failed both of my Children who both end up in my bed in the night, the baby 7

Months doesn't even have a cot yet...

I live by the motto that as long as everyone sleeps I don't care where they sleep!

Maybe try the mattress. He might just need reassurance right now and once he feel safe again he might go back to be ok to sleep on his own?

Hope it gets better soon.

[Ellie78]

Thanks everyone.

Tried moving his mattress onto the floor yesterday - made things worse, I don't think he liked seeing his bed in pieces!

I question my parenting skills at this point - not because he's not sleeping (that's his problem!) but because I respond so badly to it. Whereas sometimes I manage to be patient and comforting, other times I find it emotionally overwhelming and hugely stressful. I walk away when I feel myself getting like this, which raises the temperature for him - because Mama just left, and I try not to let those emotions overwhelm him either. But we live in a very small flat, our rooms are adjacent, and you bet he heard me screaming into my pillow and in floods of tears to my other half. Probably so did our neighbours for that matter. Sometimes, when I'm that tired, I find it very difficult to control my reactions and limit them - my emotions push outwards. I need to find a way of dealing with this - so far, it's just been that his sleep has not been consistently awful (I can certainly deal with the odd night here and there - or even 2 or 3 in succession....but not a week of this) and I've been lucky to avoid situations that create the perfect storm.

Sorry for going off message here. wine anyone? (probably not a good idea actually)

[Ellie78]

I think I'm just going to have to pack OH off to sleep next to him (OH can sleep anywhere) and stop pushing against the tide. Hopefully he will just settle down once more.

The Bed Guard is up.

We have a new night light.

And I am going to somehow turn over a new leaf on this.

[EDmummy]

Please don't blame you're parenting. We've all been there (and will again - these types of things crop up for much longer than you may think - I spent an hour reading and hugging my 9 year old last night who is out of sorts after return from holiday). Yes it's frustrating but don't let him see that. Be consistent in temperament and behaviour and try and find an approach that works (maybe you're OH plan will build your son's confidence). My personal adage is "it never gets easy, just different".

[midivydale]

Oh Ellie, sending hugs! Here we are again hey...

Look, you feel how you feel because you are shattered. You are tired, not a rubbish mum. We seem to have identical babies and toddlers, i sympathise!

Like Astrid83, I only cope by cosleeping. It is the only way I can manage to hold down a job whilst not constantly snap at my son. I realise it is not for everyone but for us, right now, it works.

I am terrible with no sleep, cant function, so I have big sympathy for you with your interview.

I have no advice,basically I have just given in to ds demands of constant reassurance. He is a sensisitve little guy, I work alot and the time I am not working, he needs me so I have just given in. No practical advice, just buckets of sympathy.

[astrid83]

Good idea to let your husband sleep with him! Hope you get some sleep tonight.

Sleep deprivation is torture!

[Ginster]

Sorry to hear this, I've been wondering how on earth it'll work when we move our 2 year old to a bed (and when to do it as she moves around her cot all night currently!)

My thoughts when reading your post went to what I've read on here and other places on potty training where they say if it's not working wait and try again later. Can you go back to the last bed or cot and wait until he wants to move to this one? (While working away on confidence/him liking new one or him asking to move?)

Or get him to decorate this one (stickers) or choose new bedding he has picked out?

Hope it's fixed for you v soon, missing sleep is so hard.

[yeknomyeknom]

I really feel for you. Parenting is so hard. Just when you figure out something there is a new challenge or hurdle. Good luck with and and try not to blame yourself. X

[Mrs2013]

try this book from Amazon. it worked for us! 'I Sleep in My Own Bed'

http://www.amazon.co.uk/I-Sleep-My-Own-Bed/dp/1453543414/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1439815800&sr=8-2&keywords=my+own+bed

[canela]

sometimes when you hit a block like this it can be best to just go with the flow for a while as once it all gets emotionally charged it can be hard to get anywhere with anything! Where was he sleeping before? Is there some reason he really needs to be in the new bed now or can he go back to his cot, or whatever he was in before?

If it's any (small!) comfort, my 9 year old is still scared of the dark and still sometimes creeps in between us!

[Ellie78]

Thanks everyone. We've thrown a fair whack of money I don't have at teh problem: 2 night lights purchased (gro clock and aloka monkey). New Bed Guard.

I think we've made progress, but it's still not brilliant. We are having a very extended night routine (basically just trying to extricate ourselves from his room). He seems perfectly happy until the last moment - then he has hysterical wails for about 5 minutes after we leave. I go back in, cuddle, back down in bed, tissue - he asks for calpol (I go off to "look for a dispenser" and within 2 minutes he's asleep. He then wakes up twice, goes back to sleep quite easily the first time, but the 2nd time requires Daddy to crush himself into the bottom of the bed (as Daddy said, like a Dog).

This isnt ideal but its better than where we were last week.

I think it's actually developmental in a way. His issue isn't the bed - now he's reasonably reassured that he won't fall out he seems quite happy in it. He's specifically wanting company. I'm not sure how we handle that element of it and extended bedtimes don't work in that respect so I think I need to create a routine that isn't an hour long.

Midivydale - Why! why! Why!!!!