Newborn in parents room or in it's own room?

[Gimme]

Our baby is due in October.

I'm having a discussion with various mums and dads at work about where the baby should sleep in the first 6 months.

Options so far

(1) One mum and a separate dad both strongly suggest always putting the baby in their own room not in the parents room and mum getting up and going into that room to feed during the night. Reasons: not waking up the breadwinner who needs to go to work the next day, not getting baby into the habit of sleeping in mum and dads room. Both say their kids sleep very well.

(2) Other people seem to think that keeping baby in the parents room for the first 6 months. Reasons: easy to feed without getting out of bed, able to keep checking on the baby, less worrying for mum and dad.

(3) A few people have suggested putting baby in the parents room for at maximum 6 weeks for reasons in (2) but also to avoid baby getting into the habit of sleeping in parents room. The mum and dad in (1) don't like this idea because they say once started, it's hard to make that decision to move the baby out.

Any thoughts? Good reasons for options 1, 2 or 3?

[samstopit]

Hello

We did a fourth option - Baby slept in own cot in her nursery and mummy slept on fold out bed in nursery for 6 months.

It meant I could feed / settle baby when she woke and put her back in her own bed afterwards with minimal noise or fuss, and without me having to wake up very much through the whole thing. And of course it meant she was used to her own bed and her own room. I don't think she really noticed the difference when I moved out of her room.

It may sound like this is not the best option for 'marital relations' but quite frankly I was too exhausted to care.

Good luck!

S

[millie42]

We had both of our boys in a cot in our room for at least 6 months and both of them moved into their own rooms without any fuss at all. I did however start putting them in the nursery for their daytime naps so they could get used to that room.

Having them in with us was much much easier and made the pain of night feeds much better. To be honest after a while both of you wont really notice the odd little noises/snoring they make during the night and when they wake up for a feed you will probably find the partner "not on duty" doesn't really wake up properly so their sleep is not really disturbed.

I personally found having them close to hand (esp as they seem to get so many coughts and colds) reassuring but its really person choice.

samstopit - you are a diamond. I would never have survived on a fold up bed in the nursery. That would have been the end of our marriage. Looking after a baby all day and night is as hard work as any job and I think both parents deserve some quality sleep. I hope your other half realises what a gem you are!

Good luck

[Mellors]

I had intended to have them in with me, but in fact I couldn't sleep a wink with them in my room. They were both little snorers, and I was sandwiched between a snoring baby and a snoring husband, going mental.

So, mine went into their own rooms at about 2 weeks old, straight into the big cot.

[samstopit]

Oh Millie thank you it's nice to hear that ...

However Mellors has reminded me that when I did move back into the marital bed I found that the snoring was far louder than either of the children!

I now sleep with earplugs and if the children wake up my husband deals with it! I consider it to be his turn for a few years at least.

[Bumpkin]

We had baby in with us for first 9 weeks as NCT said it might die if you didn't.. Great for me as easy to feed and Mr B was a star at helping with endless winding at 4am. However, he did get absolutely exhausted after several weeks of this and full time job. My dad came down at 9 weeks and advised putting in own room as we'd all sleep better (70's parents put kids in their own room from birth apparently). He was quite right - all 3 of us slept way better and baby B showed no signs of distress at all at not being in with us.

[Pickle]

Such a personal thing, and everyone's different as you can already see from this post!

Both times round we started off with the babies in our room in a moses basket, both times by 6 weeks we had moved them into their big cots in their own rooms. A combination of reasons for us:

- Mr Pickle and I are light sleepers and found sleeping with the baby in the room near on impossible due to the baby snorting/snoring/snuffling/sneezing

- I never found BFing lying down particularly comfortable, so found I was taking the babies through to their nurseries in the night to feed them in my rocking chair. On the occasions that I did feed in bed I would fall asleep then wake in a complete panic worried that I'd squashed the baby (very unlikely I know, and I have nothing against co-sleeping, but it really freaked me out!)

- until baby #1 had his tongue tie fixed I was having to express at every feed and bottle feed him - once again this was easier to do in the nursery rather than in bed

- neither baby slept very well in a moses basket, and when moved to a big cot seemed a lot more settled. They didn't like being swaddled, and both now sleep like starfish!

And as controversial as it might be, I did take the view that Mr Pickle had to get up and go to work in the morning, so felt it was only fair to let him get a decent night's sleep where possible. Saying that, I was very lucky both times round and my babies only ever woke once or twice a night - I may have felt differently if I was up hourly!

To be honest I think it's hard for you to make a decision on this before you've actually had the baby. Wait till he/she arrives and see how you feel.

Good luck,

P x

[Fuschia]

In my case, I sleep on a futon with the babies...I hardly wake when they need attention... with baby no 1 MrF was there too (snoring and hogging the covers) ... .

This time he is excused!

I think the advice re SIDS prevention is same room as the parents for 6 months. Hearing you breathe is helpful apparently.

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

No particular advice, and as a single parent much easier to achieve, but until my bubs was about two and a half I took her into bed with me when she woke in the night, stuck her on the boob and we both fell asleep no probs.

[crystal7]

Such an individual thing. My little one is 5.5 months and her cot is by my side of the bed. Don't think she'll be moving into her own room anytime soon mainly because she wakes up to be fed/shushed etc 3+ times a night and I don't want to stumble down the stairs (well only about 6 of them- it's a split level flat) to do that. Pre baby I always slept lightly but exhaustion has meant I've learnt to sleep through baby's snuffles and squeaks. Also if things are really bad my OH can hear (especially if I kick him- he's a very sound sleeper) and take over although rarely on a work nigh). In the early days he changed the night nappies. I think at my antenatal classes they recommended 6 months in parents' rooms.

[hpsaucey]

HI - did the same as crystal. Got a bedside cot which means that in effect you have a bigger bed area but they are sort of in their own cot. Means I can get baby in and out to feed without any disturbance and without having to stumble out anywhere to feed them, and with minimal noise and disruption to anyone else.

I love sharing with my little ones though. Figure they grow up so quick anyway would rather have them with me.

[BellendenBear]

We moved our baby into her own room at 8 weeks and wish we'd done it earlier. Prior to that I was feeding 2 or sometimes 3 times each night. Since being in her own room I have never had to get up more than once in a night. She first slept through til 7am at just 10 weeks and that quickly became the norm.

I think that when she was in our room I was disturbed by her grunty truffling noises and responded by feeding her when perhaps she didn't need it. In her own room she quickly settles herself back to sleep (usually) but if she really is hungry or needs me then I hear her. It was just a case of breaking the frequent feeding and needing to be fed to get back to sleep. The earlier they learn to do this the better in my opinion.

If there is a number 2 he/she will be out of our room asap!

[chantelle]

we did the standard six months thing (in a rocking cradle snug against the bed in our room, then moved to cot in own room). By six months, our son was waking up if we rustled the duvet, and we all slept better once he was in his own room. that said, it was still another couple of months before he slept through the night, and I didn't enjoy getting up to go into his room, but we got a comfy chaise longue for overnight feeding purposes.

[goteamboo]

DD2 is 5 1/2 months and we are hoping to move her into her big cot in her sisters room over the weekend. We think she will be fine (she has slept from 10pm-7am since 4 weeks old - I know we are very lucky!) more worried that her big sister will wake her through the night, or try to climb in beside her.

DD1 stayed in our room in crib till 6 months too and moved into cot easily.

I do feel a bit sad that the last 6 months have gone so quickly and although understand it is personal choice and better for some to have them in their own room, I am glad we had them in our room while still so small and was so easy for feeding them when they woke up (through the night DD1, or in the morning DD2)

just see how how you all feel when baby arrives - and do what works for you

[prdarling]

DS1 slept in crib next to our bed for 6 weeks but had daytime naps in big cot in own room - worked a treat, slept like a dream.

DS2 was in attic bedroom and I felt nervous about him being on another floor so slept in there with him on blow up mattress. Also was Oct/Nov so couldn't be bothered to traipse up and down in freezing cold. End result was he was a terribke sleeper, liked to have me there at all times, didn't sleep through the night for 18 months.

The 2 may be unconnected but if I have DS3 I know which route I'll be taking (and I'll be aiming for a Spring Summer baby - the dead of night in winter is a bloody awful place to be)

[antijen]

Southwark council played a part in where my children slept, myself husband and 3 childre (pregnant with my 4th) lived in one room, so there wasn't much option. We eventually moved but still overcrowded, 13yrs in temporary housing, but if I'd lived in a castle I wouldnt have been able to sleep in a diffrent room, especially whilst breast feeding. I now have my lovely new home in ED and still have my beautiful nearly grown up children with me.

[nicolemodesti]

We had a crib in our room, much larger than a moses basket and our son slept in there for first 5 months. Was much easier with breastfeeding as either me or my partner would pick him up. Have to say though that he only woke once during the night for a feed/nappy change as a newborn and was sleeping through, 7pm to 5am, from about 8 weeks old. Decided to keep him in with us though, maybe just being a cautious new mum or the fact that I loved hearing him! Have to say though that he would occasionally wake at 3am and have a little play with his crunchy crib book and go back to sleep. He moved to his own room at 5 months old and didn't have any trouble. My partner was brilliant with getting up for him and changing the nappy. Personal choice and sure that all advice here is what has suited parent/baby best.

[Mellors]

Its really nice to see people saying what they did without the thread veering towards the "Whats good/bad" argument.

It seems to me that everyone makes their own way with this - it depends totally on you/your baby/your house/feeding/sleeping patterns etc etc. Something you can't work out until the little 'un comes along. The main thing as ever is happy mummy = happy baby!

[The Nappy Lady]

Hi Gimme,

Was thinking about this, and came to post pretty much what Mellors has said...I think it is very hard to plan this in advance of baby's arrival, though of course it is brilliant that you are researching the options.

We have taken very different approaches with our two children.

With No 1 she went into her own room at 1 week old...and not next door either, but into the room at the back, with us at the front of the house. It felt scary, but she and we all slept better as a result. We had a monitor, and I would get up and go to her in the night, feed her sitting in a rocking chair (often wake up an hour or so later to put her back in the cot!). She slept through the night from 10 weeks old and we never looked back, but I this this is purely down to her being a very heavy sleeper, nothing to do with where she was sleeping.

With No 2 we all (she, me and Daddy) pretty much co slept for the first 3 months or so, there was a moses basket next to the bed, but I'd say she only spent about one quarter of the night in it if that...the snuggles were too nice, and to be honest I would fall asleep feeding her and the next time I woke up was when she was rooting for the next feed! She then went into her own room, into her cot, but we have a double bed in that room too, and for a good while I was still spending much of the night in there with her, co sleeping. Around 4 months we seemed to hit a real wall of lots of waking, difficult nights etc. and the co-sleeping really helped us to get through it. Since then she's slept better and better and I've gradually been able to spend more and more time back in my own bed, which is lovely and much appreciated :)) She started sleeping through about 2 or 3 weeks ago I'd say, at 9 months old, and often does 8pm to 6 or 7am now, apart from when she's got a cold or cutting another tooth.

I really don't think I'd have been able to be operational in the day with my older daughter if I'd been up and down in the night feeding for 8 or 9 months, co sleeping was my saviour in that respect. My other half is quite a light sleeper, and has the kind of job that demands he is 100% 'with it' when he's working, so it really is necessary for him to get a good nights sleep and me to move out and take the burden of night duty if need be, I kind of see that as my 'job' at least whilst I am on maternity leave, but he does help when he can, and it is helpful now because if I go to her in the night she immediately expects and fusses for boob, which she doesn't really need, but wants...if he goes to her it helps to break that habit of course...though to be honest I don't mind if it carries on because I know it will stop of its own accord when it is ready, and even now I sometimes end up snuggled in the spare double bed with her from around 5 until 7 or 8am and it is lovely. :))

Molly

[craigy]

My little man has been in his own room since 6 weeks and it was entirely by accident.

He was in a moses basket in the room with us from the beginning (snuffling around) and from about 6 weeks started to fall asleep at 7 ish in the evening till about 1 so we would put him in his big cot in his room then bring him back into our room from 1 onwards. Ment we could go to bed and not have to do the creeping around to get into bed... Then over the next few weeks his waking gradually got later and later and then not at all till 7 in the morning... It was entirely luck and to be honest I think we all slept a little better in our own rooms... Not to say that I wasn't paranoid for the whole first 6 months..

You should do whatever comes naturally and suits you and your relationship/ living arrangement best as it is your baby and you know best...

All the very best.. x

[kristymac1]

Our little one was in our room for the first 3 months in a crib and then she moved very happily into her own big cot thereafter. I found I could feed her barely awake while she was in our room (I'd then hand her to Daddy for burping at 2am....). Personally I needed to have her close during those first few weeks, and to be honest her snuffles through the monitor were more disturbing than those right next to me in her crib (oddly the monitors seem to amplify sleepy noise even on a low volume!). However, to repeat lots of people on here - it really is personal choice and the only advice I would give is, don't wed yourself to things you think you may or may not do once the little'un arrives - just go with the flow and what feels right for you.

Good luck and happy rest of pregancy

x

[Mammy Barlow]

We intended to have our baby in a crib by the bed for 6 months, but he hated the crib and would only sleep next to me in bed. We got the safe co-sleeping guidelines from our midwife and were happy. I got a co-sleeper cot which has given us more space in bed, but we love waking up together now and have no imediate plans to move him out. Our plan was for my husband to go to the spare room to sleep (blankets and pillows ready before) on any night baby was too noisy. He has only needed to sleep there twice in 9 months. Good luck.

[KateMontero]

We half co-slept from newborn until 5 months with our son in our room. He'd always go to sleep in his own room but on his first wake up he would come in with us.

We moved him into his own room at 5 months and initially his sleep really improved at this point. Once I'd knocked all the co-sleeping on the head i.e. in the last 2 months he began to sleep through...

They are all different though!

[Belle]

We moved him at 3 months. He went out of the moses basket and into cot at 8 weeks - although he'd liked being swaddled early on, at about 8 weeks he seemed to want to spreadeagle. At 3 months we moved him and it was amazing - he definitely slept better and from a selfish point of view it was great: no more whispering to husband at night, could finally read a book in bed again, loads more space in room. We hesitated about doing it sooner because he's got reflux and at that point was often sick in his sleep in the cot, so I wanted to keep an eye on him. But he stopped doing it gradually and also his head/neck strength got better so I felt it was safe. We never slept in separate rooms although were advised to frequently, I just used to take the baby out and feed him in his room the minute he woke so didn't disturb my husband. On bad nights my husband would help with winding or just giving me a cuddle if I was at the end of my tether!

[pommie]

Our daughter was in a moses basket in our bedroom for about the first 5-6 months and then she went into her cot in her own room. didnt have any problems as we first put the moses basket in the cot to get her used to the room.